ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

More Jokes for Today's Senior Citizens

Updated on July 21, 2019
PAINTDRIPS profile image

As a baby boomer, Denise and millions of others are becoming senior citizens. She explores what it means to be over 60 today.


Good Clean Fun

I think humor is so important in our lives. We need to laugh for health, for happiness, for all the tragedy that comes into all our lives at one time or another. Without humor, life would be a sad affair. I think God invented humor and intended for us to exercise it regularly. I for one obey Him as often as I possibly can.

My sister is the storytelling in the family. She is much loved and known in our little town. She has even done some stand-up comedy in San Francisco and, of course, all the family reunions and anniversary parties. I, on the other hand, am shy and reserved; a wallflower. I think there are members of my family who don’t even know my name. Yet I love humor as much as the next guy. When I moved out of my hometown, I found a whole community of people who never heard of my sister. I meant I had a fighting chance with my own fame; so I began memorizing jokes to tell. I was sent from center to center, teaching watercolor to the senior citizens there and when everything got quiet I would tell another joke. They actually loved them and thought I was quite the performer. Not in my own family but elsewhere, I guess I am.

Finding good CLEAN jokes has always been a priority for me. I find them and keep them, retelling them over and over. It is just too common to have people tell dirty jokes but a good CLEAN joke is of far more value to me. The world a really big place with lots of things to laugh at without having to get vulgar and gross. Here are just a few of my favorites.

Click thumbnail to view full-size

Bumpy Roads Well Traveled

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.


Youth Is Overrated

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.


The Art of Joke Telling

Are you good at telling jokes?

See results

The Leak

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.


The Four Stages of Life

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.


$20 Talking Dog

A man was driving on a sleepy street when he spied a sign in a lawn that stated, “Talking Dog for Sale, $20.” This intrigued the man so he pulled over and walked up to the house. The door was answered by an elderly woman, who pointed out to the backyard when the man inquired about the dog. In the backyard, the man looked over the large German Shepherd dog, and finally said, “So you talk?”

“Oh, yeah,” the dog answered, “They found out I could talk when I was just a puppy, and immediately I was recruited by the CIA. They took me all over the world, placing me interrogation cells with terrorists and the like. You’d be surprised what people will say in front of a dog. I did that for years but finally got tired of all the traveling, so I came back here and got a job at the airport sniffing out bombs and drugs and such. I got married and three litters and, well, here I am.”

The man went back into the house and said, “I don’t understand. You’re selling THAT dog for only $20?”

The lady looked him in the eye and replied, “Oh yeah. That dog is a liar! He never did any of that stuff.”

Watercolor Oriental Poppy
Watercolor Oriental Poppy | Source

Retired Detective

One elderly gentleman painting with us often had been a detective before retiring. He told us once that he used to work undercover, sometimes infiltrating gangs to make narcotics busts. He had tattoos all over his arms because of that.

We often painted landscapes, seascapes, animals, birds, and sometimes flowers. On one particular day, I brought a bright red Oriental poppy for us to paint. We all sat together and halfway through the painting, our undercover cop friend stood up and said we were all under arrest for possession of a controlled substance. It only took us a minute to realize he meant the opium poppies we were painting. He was a very funny guy.

Watercolor Rose
Watercolor Rose | Source


So these two couples were having dinner together and after dinner, the ladies get up and take the dishes into the kitchen. So the men go into the living room to talk. And the first man says to the second, “Yesterday, we went to that new restaurant, and I got to tell you, it was wonderful. I would highly recommend this new restaurant.”

“Really?” the second man says, “so what’s the name of it?”

The first man thinks and ponders, scratches his head and rubs his chin, opens his mouth to say something only to close it again and shake his head. Finally, he says, “What’s the name of that flower? You know the one that’s red and has thorns?”

“You mean a rose?”

“That’s it,” the first man says relieved and turning toward the kitchen, he yells, “Hey Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”


Happy/ Pharrell Williams

Peer Pressure

A reporter interviews a 104-year-old woman and asks “What’s the best thing about living to 104?” She said, “No peer pressure.”


Hearing Aide

So this elderly man is telling his neighbor over the fence about his new hearing aide. It cost him $4000 but it’s state of the art, and he can hear perfectly. “Really?” the neighbor says, “so what kind is it?”

The man replies, “It’s about twelve-thirty.”


Married for Love

At a senior center where I work, there is an 80-year-old widower, Lou, who came regularly to paint in the watercolor class. For several weeks he missed the class because the bus brought him just late enough to see us clean up. We knew Lou was disappointed, so on this particular day, as we painted we were discussing possible solutions to his transportation problem. One of the widows, Betty, suggested she could pick him up if the bus could take him home. She wasn't sure where he lived and the others couldn't help. When he finally arrived, Betty jumped up immediately and approached him, suggesting she take him home so she would know where he lived. A shocked look came over Lou but then he collected himself and said calmly, "I have to be up-front with you. The first time I married for love and all I got was seven kids. This time I have to know, do you have money?"


Love Life

I love hanging around my elders. They are full of life and have so many interesting stories to tell. They love to laugh and seen and heard it all. Don’t avoid the elderly. We are all going there someday. The only way out of it is to lay down and die now!


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)