Murphy's Laws of Aging
What Is "Murphy's Law?"
I'm sure most of us have heard of Murphy's Law well before reaching adulthood. Who this original "Murphy" guy was, I have no idea. I do know this: there is a long line of people waiting to get their hands around his neck and give him a good shaking!
For those who may still be unaware of Murphy's Law, or in case it is a saying exclusive to the U.S.A., this is the full law, translated to text form, as the original is merely an oral tradition.
"Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong, and at the worst possible time."
That, my friends, is Murphy's Law. Short, sweet and to the point. (Whoops! I take it back about the 'sweet' part...) Some call it the pessimist's law; others call it reality. Whichever way you choose to think I assure you, it exists.
While the basic "law" itself is brief, it has innumerable sub-sets, each custom-designed for particular circumstances.
Murphy On Aging
That Murphy guy has a mean streak. He seems to delight in plaguing the elderly and infirm with his tricks. I've compiled a list of the top ten components of Murphy's Law as it affects senior citizens.
This is not a traditional "top ten" list; the situations are in random order, as I recalled them or had yet another experience involving one or another of them.
- The more important the information, the smaller the print will be
- The harder it is to bend over, the more often stuff falls on the floor/ground
- The more packages, bags, documents or what-have-you that you have to carry, while managing with your cane or walker, the narrower the doorway you need to enter will be
- The drinking fountains that used to be scattered throughout malls will have disappeared when you need to take a mid-day dose of your medication
- The harder it is for you to bend and sit, the lower to the ground the seats in your friend's car will be when you need a ride
- The price on the incontinent supplies won't scan, and the young buck at the checkout will holler over the intercom, "Price check on the old lady diapers!"
- The more easily you bruise, the more likely you will get a newbie lab tech at the doctor's office who will stab your arm multiple times trying to find a vein
- If you don't wear glasses all the time, then the more often you need them, the more frequently they will be misplaced
- If you absolutely must remember something, that will be the first piece of information you will forget
- If your hands are shaky, the only thing that you will spill while cooking is the item that was the very last you had on hand with barely enough for the recipe
What About You?
If you're laughing, good. I hope you're laughing with me, and not at me. For if you are young enough to laugh at me, be warned: your turn will come, and karma doesn't play nicely.
I invite my readers to share any other of their own experiences with ol' Murphy on the subject of aging. Simply leave your tale of woe in the comments section.
Have a wonderful day, and may Murphy keep his distance!