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My Life My Route

Updated on January 16, 2020

My life My Route many of you know of my life. Some do not.

My life was not easy; just as many of yours weren't. Thinking back hurts and brings tears to my eyes but it may help someone else. My mother had been married twice before she married my dad. I have a sister 10 years older and she hates my guts. My mother never let me or my sister make our own decisions about what we wanted to do for a career. My sister wanted to be an artist and mom put that down and made her go to secretarial college.

In my case it was even worse, no friends were allowed over. How do you explain to your friends that your mother has one face she shows to the outside world and one to the family. I was scared to bring people home because mom was so difficult to explain. So many things I could have been in grade school but mom said no because it was an inconvenience to her. She didn't work and the school didn't understand.

High School came and we moved to a small town where I knew no one and nothing about the town. I guess most of you at this point wonder why I didn't join cheerleading or something. You probably all have noticed I don't mention my dad very often. That is sort of hard when he might come home once every two weeks and stay overnight and gone again.

When dad did start staying home longer and not so long on the road, my home life turned into a nightmare. They yelled at each other all the time. Mom chooses the fact I should take typing and filing. I could see where this was going. I didn't have any voice in the decision. I wanted to go into accounting but no such luck. I guess that came in handy when I got older. When I couldn't get a job in my career choice I had to find a job at the bottom of the heap. I became a housekeeper. I hated the job but thought maybe this was how I would getaway. I didn't know anything about low-rent housing or EBT. My mother had her hand out for my check to help with the house expenses. I was thinking about another career and lucky me my mother had an idea as well. There would always be sick people so I should become a nurse. I wasn't cut out for that but my route had a reason for this.

As my parents got older I became their caregiver, mom was blind, could barely walk and other fun stuff which included dementia. Dad was a handful with his blood pressure, vision problems, GI bleeds with no warning and then Alzheimer's. I paid their bills and made sure they took their meds.

December 23, 2009, my mother passed away from a six-hour heart attack and dementia. Dad just stood there with no emotion or understanding on his face. The first friend whoever came to the house helped me with Dad. We both almost went bald. I could call her or get ahold of her on Facebook any time of day or night. If I had to take Dad to the hospital she was there. One day Dad had fallen. The doctor had said he was going to send Dad home and my friend told the ER doctor he was going to keep Dad overnight if it was for a hangnail. They did keep Dad overnight and he pulled out the IV they had put in because he was dehydrated. They decided to keep him one more day and I was so glad. The next morning on his birthday he had a stroke.

I had a lot on my plate at this time. I was looking for an apartment. My first apartment at age 48. Get Dad scheduled for Medicaid. I was trying to stay ahead of the neighbor. My Dad had made arrangements with the guy who brought me to the reunion. How could I tell my Dad who didn't understand that this man had raped me two weeks before?

I got moved and in 2012 Nick and I found each other on Facebook. He could make Dad behave. We got Dad to the VA hospital in Sioux Falls or he would have died where he was at.

I realized that all the pushing my mother had done for a career had been good. Before she passed away I wondered why she wanted me to study Theology. Well, I did and being trained Pentecostal was different. I was taught to pray for people to be healed. I'm not a Benny Hinn but I have healed some. I was taught to be an altar worker. That is one scary job. One pastor prayed over me to be a prophet. Oh, that is a job nobody wants!

Sometimes the way our parents make decisions for us is for the good. The one decision I made is my soul mate and that I know I was right. Never look down on what your parents want you to do. You may need it someday and many good friends.


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