Eleven Effective Methods For Self Improvement
I Am Already Disturbed. Please Come In.
Fate, Destiny, and Murphy's Law THE THREE STOOGES?
Every year we try to better ourselves. Although this was originally written around the end of the year, I figure, I had better just switch up and do a monthly evaluation of myself for self improvement....and it seems to be working so far!!!
Best advice to anyone is: Learn from your mistakes.
My Past is Now Inspiration for my Future...
1. Dump the Guilt
Guilt: An unfortunate side effect that results from being overly exposed to morality.
I'm gonna quit carrying around the ton of guilt.
For me, the guilt in my life stays mostly in regards to raising my children. I needlessly created so much unnecessary guilt, my own worst critic. I raised my boys as a single mom, and that fact alone can be intense... add on working full time, using daycare, or babysitters. God forbid if I went on a date, where the kids were home without me, after I was gone working all day. There's a million more reasons for guilt to fester.
I will acknowledge that I have done wrong. I will have a good cry to release the anger and guilt and then let it go. And then I will simply remember that I HAD guilt.
Guilt: A useless, yet very common emotion that plagues people and can make them go crazy. Guilt is so useless because after you have done the deed, there is no changing it. Therefore, there is no reason to feel bad. It is counterproductive and pointless.
Things Aren't Always As They Appear
2. My Mistakes
I'm going to learn from my mistakes and use that knowledge to better my future.
I will also teach my children to learn from MY mistakes, so they don't repeat my stupidities, or have to pay the consequences. They shouldn't have to deal with unnecessary repercussions and won't have to when they see my outcomes.
I drove 86 mph on the US101 down the Ventura line and got caught by police radar. Ventura traffic court is one of the harshest in SoCal. The first appearance I appeared in front of the judge to plead not guilty, in hopes of reducing my ticket from it's original charge of $480-.. Four people ahead of me all plead guilty. Each one got their ticket fines reduced by 50%. I stood there hopeful. I stated my case immediately after the officer did, the one who gave me the ticket. When I was finished speaking, the judge instantly doubled my fine with a grand total of $862-. Apparently I got chosen as the lesson of the day. I appeared in court four more times, and finally got it reduced to $350-, but was slapped with a civil fee of $300 leaving the total balance to pay $650-.
When I told my boys about the incident, they nodded knowingly and understood.
I will analyze my options before putting an effective plan into motion. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should do it.
Someone once asked me, "Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?"
I replied, "Why do you assume that I see two roads?" I'm not crazy. It's just that my reality is different than most people.
4. Testing, Testing... Literally!
I will test the waters before diving in.
When I was in my early twenties, I went house-sitting with my friend. This wasn't simply a house, it was a 5000 square foot mansion with three levels, and two pools outside. We had partied all night, and about 3:00 in the morning someone got the brilliant idea to go skinny dipping in one of the pools. It was dead winter, mind you.
I immediately dropped my clothes, and started running full charge, towards the pool. I was going full speed and already envisioning the ice cold water hitting my skin. In my head, I was tossing around the choice of dive bomb versus clean head first dive.
I got to about three feet away from the edge of the water, and something abruptly stopped me in my tracks. I should test the water first to see how cold it really was.
I stepped up to the edge, and proceeded to put my right big toe in, then I lowered my leg to insert my entire foot. I then got on my knees and put my hand down into the empty space where the water should have been.
The pool had been drained for winter! I could have cracked my skull open and died.
5. Open My Eyes
I will be more critical, more observant, and more judgmental of those that I meet, and know their motives before I let them befriend me. Some things are simply not what they appear to be.
These days there are so many shady people in the world. If you ask me, it's because I am one of the good people. And a person can be a good actor when I first meet them and then the true colors begin to appear after not too long.
Sociopaths hunt for marks that they can sponge off of. They suck the life out of, so you have to pay close attention. If you don't watch out, you can become a sponge victim before you know it.
6. Actors or The Real Deal?
I will acknowledge the difference between someone who is motivated and someone who has an agenda. Some things are precisely what they appear to be.
Motivation: That thing in the back of your mind that drives you, no matter what seems to be stacked against you.
Motivation is a wonderful quality, getting things done in a positive way, in order to improve yourself. A motivated person has only good intentions, with zero malicious intent towards you, and the future of your friendship.
Agenda: Someone who has an ulterior motive for whatever they might come in contact with.... A person who plans and schemes heavy on others, who are unknown prey.
Person 1: "The last time I was here was when I was with Lolita. I don't plan on hanging with her again. She didn't have any money and expected me to finance her the whole time."
Person 2. " That's a person who definitely has an agenda to sponge off of others. Be careful, not to become a sponge victim. Someone like that can suck the life out of you."
7. Being Approachable
I will be nicer to my acquaintances, more genuine to my friends, and more visible to my family.
I tend to be one of those people that rushes through life, barely making it on time. I don't take the initiative to pick up the phone to call friends or family, just to say hi. I'm usually the "callee" receiver of a call. Holidays were considered as forced family fun, and I always was the first to leave....for no reason whatsoever!
Times like these should rather be cherished, and enjoyed. They tend to come less and less, so I have made a conscious effort to embrace these times. I will periodically scroll through my contacts and do random calls to long time friends just to chat. To rekindle once very valuable friendships from the past creates a joy that's indescribable.
8. Bungy Jumping Anyone?
I will repel from a huge-ass bridge and bungy jump over a body of water to conquer my fear of heights.
No explanation necessary...although I must say that even though, I get scared even on a ferris wheel, my oldest son has done the plunge...**(See photo) After that stunt, he did a whirl at skydiving, jumping out of airplanes.
9. * I will quit laughing at the face of "danger" because I now acknowledge that he is a direct descendant of "death"
I Have the Control.
10. * I will admit that Fate, Destiny, and Murphy's Law are the Three Stooges, and have absolutely no influence on the outcome of my life.
You play Call of Duty? That's cute.
Experience & Wisdom
11. *There are many rules in life that can only be learned through experience. And wisdom is far more valuable than education, when it comes to life lessons.
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© 2011 Helen Kramer