Over 50 Invisible and Fat Somethings Gotta Give!

I had a conversation with a lovely Scottish chap the other day. He asked me my age and what work I was doing.

I told him that at my age it was difficult to get an office job again. He just nodded sagely.

And it got me to thinking.

When did I get old?

I mean they say 'Act your age.' But lets face it. How could I? I have never been this age before!

And fat. Yeah forgot about that one.

Trouble was, I had always been young. And like everybody out there, I was not used to being old. Or older.

I suddenly realized a very strange thing.

Rules.......!

Over 50 and you get rules!

Rules. Don't you love em?

Rules are something we have to put up with at work, school and so on.

But for life itself? Who knew?

I sure didn't. Not until I got to 'that age' anyway.

So, what are these rules?

For you ladies who are not there yet, here goes:

Thou Shalt Not.........

1. Chat up a hot guy because he will think there is something wrong with you as you are old and don't....uck....do that sort of thing anymore.
2. Dance around your handbag in a nightclub because nightclubs are for cool young things. You are a granny. Go home and knit something.
3. Wear 'unsuitable' clothing such as a leather jacket, mini skirt and boots....sob....give me back my jacket....(grab) now!
4. While listening to young people tell them that yes you had sex in that park too! Then snort all over your coffee while shrieking with laughter! They will chuck something at you, say 'yuuuuuck! for goodness sake you are sooooo old!' Make puke sounds and rush out the door.
5. Chat up your daughters hot date. Never....well....maybe...um.
6. Start singing to Aerosmith at the top of your voice while waiting for a bus/coach/train. Worse? Wearing headphones and waving your cellphone around.
7. Forget that with age you have also put on 40 pounds and still think you can get into that tiny top and jeans. Spilling over ain't that attractive you know!
8. Get too drunk. Why? Because if you are er....like me...you um....forget who/where/when you are....and drape yourself round the poor barman or even your best friends husband.

Nutshell?

Don't do anything you used to do when you were young, pretty and skinny.

Can I hear you scream Argghhh?

Well quite a lot in fact!

If there is one thing people forget/don't know, is that just because the years are going too fast doesn't mean that the person in your head (me) is any different!

I still love dancing and getting slightly inebriated. I love my leather jacket. (who guessed that one? answers on a postcard).... and yes I still love men. Hunky ones, pretty-ish ones, hot ones and yes younger than me ones!

Shocked? no? Good.

There is only one way to go.

Compromise!

I was going to say, do everything in another town so you can run if someones spots you....but perhaps to risky. On the other hand...........!

1. Join a club where older people can relax and not feel like an idiot. But not too old. You don't want to be stuck with someone saying; 'Yes deary, I love that skirt, I will knit you another one.' Or......
2. Did you know he had a hip operation last week? And so on.
3. Make sure they are like minded. In other words, choose people who have grown old in years, young in body and mind. Or........
4. Dress as you damn well please!
5. Get drunk as often as you like....
6. If the guy is willing.....? Well, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! (wink)
7. Laugh! Who can resist you when you are giggling like an idiot?

Just not (quite) the sort you are used to!

As for the fat, well that's my fault. I only use a tiny mirror for putting on makeup. I forgot to look at the whole body.

You can imagine my shock when I went to buy a dress and I looked in the full length mirror for the first time in years!

Yikes!

It was rather like an elephant trying to climb into a matchbox! And that is not a good look!

So from now on its;

Green tea for drinking and salads for eating. Exercise every few hours to break down the fat and sort out the calories.

Give it a few weeks I will look amazing.

Shut it!

And last but not least.....

Sod off! You are NOT taking my leather jacket! Or mini skirt.......!

And........

Have fun!

(Let em laugh!) Hic..........!