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Over 50 Invisible and Fat Somethings Gotta Give!

Updated on October 1, 2018
Nell Rose profile image

Age the final frontier. Well sort of! My musings on getting older, getting fat and acting your age. Or not!

Not to old for wine.

Drinking wine cartoon
Drinking wine cartoon

When did this happen?

I had a conversation with a lovely Scottish chap the other day. He asked me my age and what work I was doing.

I told him that at my age it was difficult to get an office job again. He just nodded sagely.

And it got me to thinking.

When did I get old?

I mean they say 'Act your age.' But lets face it. How could I? I have never been this age before!

And fat. Yeah forgot about that one.

Trouble was, I had always been young. And like everybody out there, I was not used to being old. Or older.

I suddenly realized a very strange thing.

Rules.......!

Over 50 and you get rules!

Over 50
Over 50

Rules regulations and downright nuts!

Rules. Don't you love em?

Rules are something we have to put up with at work, school and so on.

But for life itself? Who knew?

I sure didn't. Not until I got to 'that age' anyway.

So, what are these rules?

For you ladies who are not there yet, here goes:

Thou Shalt Not.........

  1. Chat up a hot guy because he will think there is something wrong with you as you are old and don't....uck....do that sort of thing anymore.
  2. Dance around your handbag in a nightclub because nightclubs are for cool young things. You are a granny. Go home and knit something.
  3. Wear 'unsuitable' clothing such as a leather jacket, mini skirt and boots....sob....give me back my jacket....(grab) now!
  4. While listening to young people tell them that yes you had sex in that park too! Then snort all over your coffee while shrieking with laughter! They will chuck something at you, say 'yuuuuuck! for goodness sake you are sooooo old!' Make puke sounds and rush out the door.
  5. Chat up your daughters hot date. Never....well....maybe...um.
  6. Start singing to Aerosmith at the top of your voice while waiting for a bus/coach/train. Worse? Wearing headphones and waving your cellphone around.
  7. Forget that with age you have also put on 40 pounds and still think you can get into that tiny top and jeans. Spilling over ain't that attractive you know!
  8. Get too drunk. Why? Because if you are er....like me...you um....forget who/where/when you are....and drape yourself round the poor barman or even your best friends husband.

Nutshell?

Don't do anything you used to do when you were young, pretty and skinny.

Can I hear you scream Argghhh?

Pinterest - old ladies dancing
Pinterest - old ladies dancing

So, what can I do?

Well quite a lot in fact!

If there is one thing people forget/don't know, is that just because the years are going too fast doesn't mean that the person in your head (me) is any different!

I still love dancing and getting slightly inebriated. I love my leather jacket. (who guessed that one? answers on a postcard).... and yes I still love men. Hunky ones, pretty-ish ones, hot ones and yes younger than me ones!

Shocked? no? Good.

There is only one way to go.

Compromise!

I was going to say, do everything in another town so you can run if someones spots you....but perhaps to risky. On the other hand...........!


  1. Join a club where older people can relax and not feel like an idiot. But not too old. You don't want to be stuck with someone saying; 'Yes deary, I love that skirt, I will knit you another one.' Or......
  2. Did you know he had a hip operation last week? And so on.
  3. Make sure they are like minded. In other words, choose people who have grown old in years, young in body and mind. Or........
  4. Dress as you damn well please!
  5. Get drunk as often as you like....
  6. If the guy is willing.....? Well, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! (wink)
  7. Laugh! Who can resist you when you are giggling like an idiot?

Pinterest cartoons
Pinterest cartoons

You can still have fun!

Just not (quite) the sort you are used to!

As for the fat, well that's my fault. I only use a tiny mirror for putting on makeup. I forgot to look at the whole body.

You can imagine my shock when I went to buy a dress and I looked in the full length mirror for the first time in years!

Yikes!

It was rather like an elephant trying to climb into a matchbox! And that is not a good look!

So from now on its;

Green tea for drinking and salads for eating. Exercise every few hours to break down the fat and sort out the calories.

Give it a few weeks I will look amazing.

Shut it!

And last but not least.....

Sod off! You are NOT taking my leather jacket! Or mini skirt.......!

And........

Have fun!

(Let em laugh!) Hic..........!


© 2018 Nell Rose

Comments

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    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      2 weeks ago from England

      Scary isn't it? lol! thanks Lorelei.

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 

      2 weeks ago from Canada

      Thank you for the smiles today. I turned 60 not long ago and am still peeking into the mirror with the old "Do I look 60" thing going on. Wow that happened fast.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      4 weeks ago from England

      lol! thanks Genna! yes sod off is so English! have a great day!

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      5 weeks ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Lol! I soooo loved this, Nell. As we get older, there are these pesky rules, written down by someone, somewhere, who hadn't heard that older is also wiser, and that like wine, we become finer in our vintage. (My favorite expression: "Sod off.") I lift my glass to toast you, Nell, and this amusing hub that truly made my day. Thank you!

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      LOL! I haven't seen that! thanks Jools!

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools Hogg 

      6 weeks ago from North-East UK

      You must have written a cracker here Nell - can't move for ads haha - the last one is '5 Best Herbs for Dementia'....have they read this hub....dementia? Cheeky buggers!!

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      lol! thanks Dora, glad you liked it.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      6 weeks ago from The Caribbean

      "I have never been this age before!" That frees me to choose when to act and when not to act my age. However, I intend to heed all the warnings you give. Hilarious!

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      lol! Hi Zulma, yes the young think they invented everything! thanks as always.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Thanks Devika!

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Thanks Chitrangada, glad you liked it.

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 

      6 weeks ago from United Kingdom

      This is brilliant!

      As far as the new rules we're given, well they are there to be broken, right?

      Unsuitable clothing? It's only unsuitable if you feel they're unsuitable. There's no way I'm giving up my leather jacket. (smacking older daughter's hand away from said jacket).

      Sex? It's always a shock to the younger generation when we tell them they didn't invent sex. Even more so when you tell them you still do it. The look on their faces is priceless.

      Fat! All right, I'll give you that. But I can do something about it. And I am. So there.

      Again, brilliant hub, Nell.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      6 weeks ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Yeah made me laugh. You thought of something different, funny and perfect.

    • wvclaylady profile image

      Shannon Williams 

      6 weeks ago from Davisville, WV

      That was very funny! I recently turned 50, so I kinda know what you're talking about! Even though I have chronic back pain almost daily and walk kinda funny sometimes, in my mind I'm 25. ;-) I also had the same thing happen with my driver's license. What a pain in the neck! LOL Thank you for the laugh! And have a wonderful day!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 

      6 weeks ago from New Delhi, India

      Wow! What a wonderfully done and hilarious article!

      All through, I was smiling, while reading it. This is so relatable Nell. One thing, I am sure about aging is that we think less of the consequences of what we say or do.

      Forgetting is another characteristic. See, I don’t remember exactly when I was born. Lol!

      Thanks for sharing this excellent one with such suitable and funny pictures too.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Thanks Cynthia, glad you liked it.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Hiya Anne, always good to see you.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      lol! and you look great with it Jackie! thanks as always.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Thanks Linda, glad you liked it.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Hi Mary, lol! lets go for it! thanks

    • techygran profile image

      Cynthia 

      6 weeks ago from Vancouver Island, Canada

      This made me laugh, especially your Rules! Thanks for sharing the chuckles!

    • profile image

      Bac2basics 

      6 weeks ago

      Nice one Nell, go for it girl and don't let the B's get you down xx

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 

      6 weeks ago from The Beautiful South

      Know what you mean Nell, I don't fir in with the young but I am too young for people my age. (Whatever that is!) Just not ready to give up yet! I have a closet full of clothes I hope to wear one day. The nicest thing about my age though, being serious, is I feel comfortable with myself, makeup not needed before I walk out the door and I think grey makes wonderful highlights so no more hair dyes!

      I mean if I have enough surgeries they might get me put back together again!!

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      6 weeks ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is very funny, Nell. You've shared some interesting suggestions! It's good to read another of your articles.

    • Blond Logic profile image

      Mary Wickison 

      6 weeks ago from Brazil

      Nell, you're so funny.

      As we age, we aren't getting fat, we're shrinking and all that skin just spreads out.

      At our age, I agree, let's throw caution to wind and do what the heck we want!

      A fun read.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Wow! It seems that 1984 George Orwell is alive and well and living in America! Carded? unbelievable! We don't even have ID cards over here in England. I do know what you mean about thyroid, mine is exactly the same! but yes keep hold of that leather jacket, lol! thanks for reading Doris.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      Doris James-MizBejabbers 

      6 weeks ago from Beautiful South

      Oh, Nell, this is so funny! I'm so glad you said (farther down in the article) "you are NOT taking my leather jacket" because nobody's getting mine either! I was Twiggy back before anybody ever heard of Twiggy, so imagine my chagrin when my thyroid went haywire in my 50s and I gained those 40 lbs. you spoke of, and I can't seem to lose the 20 of them that I want to lose. (I write this as I sit eating a handful of jellybeans.)

      But today was another story. I picked up a 12-pack for my husband at the grocery store along with my groceries. Now, some harebrained state legislator got a law passed here that anyone buying alcohol SHALL be carded. I, the gray-haired grandma was ask for my ID, and I produced it. The clerk said, "Oh, yesterday was your birthday." Then she said, "your license expired on your birthday, so it's against the law for me to sell you the beer." I thanked her nicely for telling me that my driver's license had expired yesterday, and that I would get it renewed tomorrow. Meantime, my husband did not get his beer.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Thanks Mary, and I don't blame you! lol!

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      6 weeks ago from Ontario, Canada

      Oh Nell. This is hilarious. Now that I am way past 60, I can wear whatever I like and no longer feel conscious about what others say. That said, am still on the conservative side.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Thanks Pamela, yes and the five minute exercise routine every few hours too! lol! phew!

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      lol! ah well you know what they say Yves, you are only as young as the man you feel! Haha!

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Thanks Shauna, always good to see you!

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      lol! me too Flourish! well sometimes! thanks as always.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      6 weeks ago from Sunny Florida

      Nell Rose, Glad you wrote a hub. As an older woman (lol) I found your article very entertaining. I laughed several times, because - well, it was so true! Good luck with the tea and salads.

    • savvydating profile image

      Yves 

      6 weeks ago

      Hahaha! This is great stuff, Nell, and I can relate on every level. The hardest part for me is your, Thou Shalt Not's, especially.........

      1) "Chat up a hot guy because he will think there is something wrong with you as you are old and don't....uck....do that sort of thing anymore."

      Sigh. That one kills me. You don't know how much it hurts...or...er....I guess you do since you said it. Lol. Another big sigh. Ah, so many hot men, so little chance of getting them unless I suddenly become incredibly rich. Oh well, there's always wine. Yes, indeed....wine and laughter!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      6 weeks ago from Central Florida

      I love it Nell! Everything you say is so, so true. But, what the hell. I've come to terms with being older. I had a blast getting here and I still know how to have a good time. Even if that sometimes means binge-watching The Food Network from the comfort of my couch. Tee hee.

      I really enjoyed this. Loads of fun!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      6 weeks ago from USA

      This was funny. I’m all about acting the age you wish you still were.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Thanks so much Rodric! LOL! yes I know just what you mean!

    • Rodric29 profile image

      Rodric Anthony Johnson 

      6 weeks ago from Peoria, Arizona

      Absolutely wicked! I could no stop smiling and chuckling as I read. Age does not mean less fun, I agree. It is a different type of fun sometimes, but it is still fun! I still like to do the things I did as a teenager. I just can't do them, like eat plates of food and not get sick, walk, etc. Loved this one.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      lol! thanks Eric. My son doesn't have a child for me to hide behind, lol! thanks for reading.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      6 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Wonderfully done you scamp. About once a week I look in the mirror and am shocked at the old man looking back at me. My son caught me saying, "get out of the way old man" while driving. My son told me I was older than him.

      Nothing more fun than doing something fun and someone asks me how old my grandson is. Sometimes I tell them he is my son, sometimes not.

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      lol! Thanks Bill. Happy Birthday in 12 days! You don't look or act it so its okay! lol!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

      I was howling while reading this. You haven't lost your comic touch, Nell. Try being seventy, which I'll be in twelve more days. I can still do a lot, but I'm sure slower at doing them. lol

    • Nell Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      Nell Rose 

      6 weeks ago from England

      Thanks John, lol! lets face it there is only so much you can take from youngsters telling us what we can do! haha!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      6 weeks ago from Queensland Australia

      Oh Nell,this was hilarious but so true. I dont feel as old as my years or the mirror says...LIARS!! You are never too old for fun. Great tips by the way. Love your writing. Well done.

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