How We Set Ourselves Up for Disappointment.
Heart and Mind SERIES
Expectations make the world go around. And "disappointments" are the precipitation of dashed expectations. Go from the universal and the impersonal down to the intensley specific. The question about "major disappointments" has much to do with the personal, but let's start with the general for the sake of the broad understanding of our topic. Have you ever heard a person really complain about the weather or their local climate. I refer now not to attempts to come up with random human conversation, but with people who are truly angry at the rain, or the sun, or the humidity. If you get a peculiarly ardent and angry person, you can hear the essence of the human fire called "disappointment". That is "I wanted this, and I did not get it".
Then the question becomes "Why was this so important to you?" and "Why were you so positive about your expectation." I remember hoping to get transferred to an English school. I won't explain the politics, but I was convinced that this move would be a life changing event, and improve me and actually determine how much money I could make in the future. I prayed. I focused. I concentrated. I thought I could think this event into existence. In fact, I was so beside myself with hope and expectation that when it did not happen, it was a "Major Disappointment". After I licked my wounds and go over my anguish, I learned that the way the situation was explained to me was far from what the reality would present. I remember this event because it was so lofty and dramatic. I remember it because it felt like a deep loss. I remember this because I was having a hard time conceiving of life without it.
SETTING YOURSELF UP
Disappointments come because we "set ourselves up". The anguish, the emptiness, the "I was counting on this!" all have to do with psychological machinations that plant themselves in your little garden of hope and take over. Getting over disappointment is not as much as "talking yourself out of how you felt" -- much more it involves talking yourself INTO your current reality.
Decades later, I don't think about England. The next year, I was disappointed by not going to the Holy Land. Neither of these earth shaking events had any lingering effect on me. So that brings me to the powerful element TIME. "Time Heals All Wounds" Concentrate NOT on what you lost, but on what you now have. Amnesia created by Happy Injection of Daily Joy will take you out of that state which you imposed upon yourself. Reverse Your Position / Opinion on the disappointment. England, I learned later, was an assignment for Americans to go through. There was abuse, intolerant treatment and other strange rites of passage that I can not share. I learned this later. Not going to England was a blessing placed upon me by a kind and compassionate executive who was reading down like a puppet master, and relieving me of much long term suffering that truly could have damaged me long term.
Thus, once I learned that I said to myself: Who am I to know that I should be disappointed? I thought a long time about that.
Let time pass.
Talk yourself out of your old suasion.
Talk yourself into a new happiness over the daily life you know you are going to have to enjoy once you get over your own special disappointment.