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Paralyzed by Life

Updated on March 23, 2011

trying to get through the day

There are so many disorders floating around out there today, it is difficult to decide what is real or what is just an excuse. My honest opinion is that many of them are totally and completely bogus. They are conjured up by specialist who are trying to give reasons for behaviors to anxious parents or patients. Many times the disorders are simply excuses to peddle vitamins or medications.

However, one must be very careful when judging what is real and what is not. Every person has some sort of issue they must sort out. If a friend tells you that they have no problems, run for the hills, they are brimming over with some major crisis that will eventually blow up and you need to be far away since they have no grip on reality. The best friend is the one who says, yes, I have issues and problems. who doesn't, but I deal with them and I do the best I can to enjoy my life. If its broken, I try to fix it or at least mend it enough to make sense out of it. That's the person I want to be with.

The other end of the spectrum is the person who is forever complaining about this problem or that problem when actually their life is not as bad as they think. Oh, but wait! There is probably a disorder for that....

I will fully admit that I suffer full blown panic disorder. I am in therapy and take medication. I am anxious probably 85% of my life or more. I am rarely in a state of total relaxation. It isn't an easy way to live. I know that there are people far worse than I am and I pray for them. I hope that they can find some peace because the days that I DO find peace are wonderful and I wish for more of them.

A panic attack manifests itself differently in each person. I tend to get shaky hands, I am nervous, my stomach hurts, I feel like I am coming unglued. I have a hard time moving forward. I feel as though I just physically cannot move ahead, cannot do what I have to do next. It is hard, it is actually painful. Sometimes I hyperventilate. Then it gets frightening.

What to do about it? Well, the best thing to do believe it or not, is to just forge ahead. Go take the next step. Whatever you had planned in your life you must go and do. If it is too hard for you, then find a friend who can talk you through this moment and call them. Find some music that gets you past that moment, find a peaceful place and go to it, sometimes literally. Take a walk, exercise is good for anxiety. If all else fails, I move to the medication. I try not to, I try to fight it within my own heart.

Many times anxiety is accompanied by depression. I have been a diagnosed depression sufferer since I was in college. I have good days and bad days. I work through them. I am blessed with my children. They are able to pull me out of some very blue days. I find that my  mood actually lowers when I drop my daughter off to school in the morning because I enjoy her company so much. She is such a pick me up.

The last two years of my life have been dreadful. We have been faced with horrible family problems, had death with our family and friends, financial loss, medical problems and strife in personal and professional lives affecting us. It has been anxiety palooza so to speak. I am a person of deep faith. I trust in my maker and I pray. I believe that everything happens for a reason. My way to deal with all that has happened has been to basically shut it all off. Walk away from all that reminds me of the misery that befell us. It probably is not the best way to handle problems, but it is the coping mechanism that I had to choose to survive. It was all too much. My panic disorder has been out of control.

I have a son who has asperger syndrome. I often study about aspergers so that I can help him more. I read that parents of children with aspergers sydrome are far more likely to suffer anxiety disorders. I am not surprised. It is a challenge to raise him. But it is him that is helping me to finally deal with my anxiety levels. I started to write about him. It has helped me immensely. I feel stronger in many ways.

So now I choose to write about me. About MY challenges and struggles rather than my son';s. I know that panic attacks and anxiety disorders are at an all time high these days and I fully appreciate why. This is why I am "writing it out". I am taking my panic and putting in on the pages of this hub in the hope of walking around stronger today. I am also praying that this hub with wrap itself around someone who is reading it and let them know they are not alone. I hope they too can get through the day a little easier now.


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