Peace Be Upon You

What a strange notion. Perhaps I want you to overcome and strive. Perhaps I want you to struggle. Although I must confess from jails to cancer I have never struggled. One country there was never a struggle for me. Communist to democracy to socialism I just never thought of struggle. What a wonderful concept though. “Struggle” is like “suffer” and I just have been given that state of mind. How rude of me. I sail on without regard of the winds that blew the wrong way, I just tack. Change course maybe. Maybe retreat or repent?

I just do not breathe that way of thinking. For sure a message of a man who has lost his “mind”. I am just wired to love a storm or 100 degrees. Someone straighten me out here. My hip is near still bleeding inside and the Doc. says stay off it and ice it. What a fool he is. And he winks and nods and suggests to take it a little. He knows me, Eric does what is called for, and that is a bike ride and hike. What up with taking it easy. Maybe when I get old. But not today!

Are we having enough fun? I do not get yesterday though it was the best day ever, but today will be more filled with love. Just clip me up and hang me on the clothes line I need some time blowing in the wind. Beat me on a washing board in the creek. We just do not do “slow down”. If you slow down you may miss the view on the other side of the peak. What am I to do with that kind of aditude. Perhaps hide it from friends and family. Maybe not.

My sisters were so mad at me for “running with the Bulls” in Pomplona. What would they tell mom if I got gowed by a horn or worse – dead? What was that ’72. What a blast we had drinking wine with a fellow “runner” from Honaunau. Back to Madrid and Paella for a few days. How does family put up with family? You have got me there. How do you do it? Write me a note on that.

Everybody knows that’s how it goes. Gaul dang it why can’t we just plain live in love. Worry for ourselves is probably not so good. Worrying for others is about right?

Child why do you worry? Do you think we will leave you? Mom and I cannot leave you ever. “but dad grandpas and grandmas are gone”. “Why do you think of them just now” Because I think of them. “Isn’t that cool to the rule?” “I don’t get it dad?” “You are not supposed to get it” “That is crazy talk dad”. OK let me try to explain. You do not get it because you get it. You get them in your heart not in their presence. OK let me say it another way because that makes little sense. There is a place and space in your chakra of the mind and heart. Jesus gives us room for the dead in life in our being. Oh crap let me try that again. “who is in your heart” You and mom and my brothers and sisters and mama Tam and Angelica and uncles and aunties and my godmother. “and are they passed in your heart?” Oh I get it. They live in my heart.

Don’t look at me to feel son. You know I do not go there ever. But maybe I can tell you how I feel. Sometimes I think that is the teacher for both of us. It is like God. I think about God but I cannot tell you how to think about God, I can only tell you how I think about God. Just like your mom I suppose. I can only tell you how much I love her but as a son you probably love her differently. I wonder about that. Now pass the football.

“Dad sometimes I would like you to tell me how to feel.” Cool idea son. I wish that would work but it don’t. The only father that can tell us how to feel is that big guy. Not even my big guy for you. Just catch this as I cannot answer all questions. “Mom says you are genius but live in the clouds” “So why can’t you tell me about up there like heaven?” Because love is not mine to teach and mostly not to know. “That stinks dad, you teach but have no answers.”

I reckon that is a natural fact son. God did or has not given me answers except to love. I get it that that is some kind of crazy. Get over it. Do you want to sleep outside tonight? “No I like my bed too much.” Think on that son.

Is there heaven on earth? I have this great sister/mom. She “instructs” me in matters of food. She has changed eating from a necessity to art and love. I never asked God how she does that. To me it just is a big “it just is”. We see men and women of action. Us dreamers, if we are wise, sit back in wonder. How do they do that? Linda Lum teaches me how to do. I went two days without eating for no good reason. I missed my kitchen. Mainly because Linda makes me love it. Can you even imagine such a gift she has? Take this pill and that one Eric and they will make your well. You can beat cancer. Excuse me but Linda makes me want to live at a higher level. This is God’s will through earthly angels.

So peace be upon you. With that peace you can give that peace to others. Maybe just maybe to this young soul I see peace as love. I think too much but in love I relax and have peace. Reading scripture does that. Singing for sure does that. Meditation brings me peace and praying gives me that also. A lover, not like a wife but quiet love gives me peace. An awesome hike in nature does not fire me up, it brings me peace. So if I in peace love a butterfly I think that is peace.

As you can tell I have too much time on my hands but my wife and doctors insist. I get busy checking out the moon or doing a jig in the rain. Do not look to me for answers. I am too busy asking questions. My poor big old family and neighbors. “Leave me alone?” Not on your life or mine.

The punks – read that elder kids – call me up for questions. Twenty years and they do not call me up for answers. They do not want my opinions. They want to know where I do not stand. Peace on us I would figure. How can you argue with a question?

So we say peace be upon you. I mean it. Love is peace and peace is love. Let those slings and arrows come your way. Pain is actually an awakening. Let us find peace in all ways.

My apologies I went over there. I got no business being over there. I have enough business right here. I will try to keep peace be with us right here and now. My older son gets frustrated with me hiking. I like to find peace over there but the trail is right here. Find peace on or off the trail of life.