ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Perception vs Reality

Updated on February 27, 2020
Source

Perception vs Reality


Perceived vs Actual Realities

As a married, middle aged woman who stays home all day and tends house, people will often ask me what I do all day. The starkness of such an empty enquiry never ceases to perplex the deep recesses of my mind, and I can't help but feel a painful twinge of sympathetic compassion for the one who asked.


I recently saw a quote that read something to the effect that spending merely a few seconds glancing at personal images, memes, short quotes and phrases, (as millions habitually do daily via social media), can actually cause damage to the structures of the brain! This is because our brains are not only "wired" for love and positivity, but they are designed for deep thinking, which is simply not accomplished in a matter of moments.


With so much going on upon this beautiful earth in which each of us calls home, it is impossible to keep up with each and every issue, cause and event for which so many individuals relish in loudly declaring and even (perceptibly) imposing their personal opinions upon those of others.


Do you ever feel like that when you open a page of your choice of social media, you are immediately thrown into a "sink or swim" predicament which can cause you to nearly mentally "lose" the main reason you arrived there in the first place? Perhaps you went there to joyfully post a simple and tasty recipe that you know could delight and simplify life for your friends, or a maybe a video you watched and found deeply moving with which you now desire will help to encourage others.


It is so easy to get caught up in the "competitive feel" of needing to vie for position on the latest political topic everyone is talking about, until, you quite simply realize that you don't need to. There is no literal person (I assume) looking intently over your shoulder or glaring menacingly at you from across the room impatiently waiting to see how you will respond. The people whose written thoughts you are reading not only have no idea that you are indeed spying their typed thoughts at that exact moment, but also have no real concept of what it may (but hopefully is not) doing to your insides. Upon reading what they have written, is there a tension or even slight nausea in the pit of your stomach? A sudden tightness in the back of your neck threatening a headache and other bodily pain? Has your breathing become imperceptibly restrained?


I understand the feeling when conscience and morality seem to dictate a deep desire to lovingly set another person straight on any given issue that you see as an absolute; wrong or right, black or white, sinful or righteous. Fill in your own sentiments. But, unless the Holy Spirit mandates you to respond, whether publically or privately to that person, it is often best to ignore it and move on.


Why is it, that when we set out to have a gentle, relaxing and thoughtful day, that when we decide at some point to open a social media page, we feel that we must "fight back" with our own thoughts and opinions?


Let me ask you a better question. Are all these mental, physical and emotional reactions worth it? Can you open your social media account without allowing all those glaring and strongly opinionated comments to affect you?


Maybe these things will help:

Most of us on social media live in countries where free speech is a right and we would do well to make sure that we are grateful for that right.


Those people writing their personal thoughts and opinions are simply airing their grievances for themselves or others while excercising their rights to free speech.


Their writing is *not* a challenge to you personally because your eye caught it when you went to that page on your device.


Not reacting to it is completely fine.


Consciously deciding to put it out of your mind and moving on to the specific reason you went to that page in the first place is even better.


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • HousewifeHawaii profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathryn Collins 

      3 months ago from UK

      I'm INFJ myself. :-)

    • Kyler J Falk profile image

      Kyler J Falk 

      3 months ago from Corona, CA

      I was born into Christianity, but I've studied so many religions that not a single one is worth my time outside of philosophy and education at this point. They all follow nearly the same principles, they all have preachers skating by on the generosity they preach but only uphold in image, and in the face of all these benevolent deities I can still produce more evidence, anecdotal and factual, against their existence as deities than can be produced for it. I'm an INTJ, a severely traumatized INTJ at that, and if I can't observe it physically and prove it logically then it feels more like a tool in someone else's bag than a reality. After all, a belief system is part of the "pillars of psychology" and a strong lack thereof is also considered a belief system; at least that is how "CBT" sees it and is widely practiced. We all need our beliefs, or lack thereof, and I find comfort in what I can prove for myself just as anyone else.

      I grew up in Southern OC, Coto De Caza, Laguna Beach, San Clemente, Laguna Hills, etc. Even a little more north as I am now in Corona, and Garbage Grove. Spent a little time in Kansas as well, but never Hawaii. My girlfriend spent a few years living on a volcano in Hawaii, accidentally joining a cult on said volcano, and then fleeing said cult by the skin of her teeth. I don't think I would want to settle down permanently on an island, California has always been my place to be even though it always puts me back in the poor house.

      If you ever make your way back here to SoCal we should go for a hike, get a bite to eat, and shoot the breeze. Good conversation is hard to come by, but you and I seem to flow well; it'd be nice to converse outside of a screen.

    • HousewifeHawaii profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathryn Collins 

      3 months ago from UK

      Kyler that is really sweet. I appreciate that. Your comment on being the "housewife" makes me think a bit of the movie "Mr. Mom".

      As for God, I was saved on the streets in 1971 in Newport Beach (Balboa Peninsula) after a long-haired hippy talked to me about Jesus and we crossed the street and entered into his friend's bicycle shop to pray.

      It was not until many years later that I understood the term "religion" and what it meant. I was always taught that Jesus hated religion because it was man's way of attempting to get to God. I began reading the Bible at a young age and develop a relationship with Jesus on my own and eventually began going to church when I was old enough to drive and obtain a car. Now I find that church has confused me more than not, but I recently found a few pastors on youtube that have been able to address my confusion and give me the answers I was confused about for which I am very thankful. I go to church with my husband but I see things a bit differently than the church we attend due to those youtube pastors I now watch. This is a new season for me of loneliness that I do hope passes soon (I seem to feel things deeply, analyze them and then move on - mostly on a subconscious level) so I am looking forward to eventually feeling better. I try to observe my emotions without letting them effect me too much - which helps in many situations. :-)

      I grew up in OC but have been in Hawaii off and on for about 16 years. I also lived in San Diego, Riverside and San Bernardino and have relatives in L.A.

    • Kyler J Falk profile image

      Kyler J Falk 

      3 months ago from Corona, CA

      As far as God, I wish my life reflected such a sentiment. As for disagreeing with the self-deprecating term I just wanted to make clear the deprecation was not toward you, but myself. Most of the time I refer to myself as a housewife I get a chuckle out of other housewives who are females.

      What I took from this article, mostly, is that we all need to stop and look at things objectively rather than rushing into subjective emotional interpretations. Even our conversation is one that I think, "lesser people," for lack of a better and more concise descriptor, would have misconstrued as hostile.

      Your article definitely made me think, even if I simply projected my own meanings upon it and I'm glad I was able to get a deeper understanding of you through discussing it.

    • HousewifeHawaii profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathryn Collins 

      3 months ago from UK

      Hi Kyler

      You used the term "self deprecating. I disagreed with it. One of the points of my article was to point out that a spouse who stays home and does not bring in money has no less self worth than the spouse that goes out to work and brings in money. But I obviously did not build on that so it was definitely not clear, I appreciate you pointing that out. I sometimes think people can read my mind I guess.

      Wonderful to have a father home with his son.You are doing your best. Know that and never allow yourself to be negatively affected by the words of others.

      I live with a narcissist so I am able to appreciate the struggle.

      Many fathers are absent in their children's lives.It is good to know there are some out there making a difference.

      God loves you Kyler

    • Kyler J Falk profile image

      Kyler J Falk 

      3 months ago from Corona, CA

      I see, and when I use the term for myself it is most definitely self-deprecating, as I am a male. It would seem your perceptions may be skewed more often than not, seeing attacks or negative traits where there are none directed towards you due to the abuse you suffered. Having been raised and abused by a narcissistic single mother my whole life I often have the same predispositions to assume the worst.

      I agree with a mother being necessary, though, in most cases. I'd much rather be working but my past traumas and current disabilities make it near impossible. Can't help but feel, for clarity, that you added that in to diminish my situation as the ever-present father.

      Your God means nothing to me as I'm sure you could tell if you looked over my articles, but I hope your God assists you more in healing where it has not already.

      No one deserves to be diminished, or to suffer.

    • HousewifeHawaii profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathryn Collins 

      3 months ago from UK

      @Kyler J Falk

      I am sorry you feel the term "housewife" is self-deprecating. I have worn the title proudly for 35 years and find it probably the most important job on earth - especially when it comes to staying home and raising kids. I was blessed to be able to stay home and home-teach our 3 daughters who are grown now.

      I now have the stigma of being at home *without kids* and thus I constantly have people wonder what I do all day as if I am lazy. It hurts because I would love to get out more but am trying to heal from emotional abuse.

      I mentioned sympathy because I feel for those who get bored. I am thankful to have a mind that keeps busy and active sometimes to the point of keeping me awake at night. I keep busy all day and sometimes do not have enough time in the day to do all that I want to do. I am very blessed to be able to stay home.

      I am glad that you stay home with your son. The presence of a mother in the home goes further in encouraging and nurturing the child than most of us realize. I always envied my friends whose mothers stayed home - even in my teen years.

      May God richly bless you and your family

    • HousewifeHawaii profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathryn Collins 

      3 months ago from UK

      I switched my writing here because I have the opportunity to make a few bucks there.

      https://vocal.media/explore?s=ruth%20fuller&f=...

    • HousewifeHawaii profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathryn Collins 

      3 months ago from UK

      Hi- It's partly me trying to heal from emotional abuse and partly the way they ask - either with a look of envy that I do not need to work or the sound of disgust in their voice that I must be lazy.

      I keep busy all day - with cooking, cleaning. baking, organizing, planning meals, thinking, reading, writing, answering emails, watering the plants or taking care of the yard, writing emails and regular letters, etc

      Thank you for the thoughtful feedback and God bless you and you family

    • bhattuc profile image

      Umesh Chandra Bhatt 

      3 months ago from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India

      Good thoughts. Keep up your nice work. Hope, you write more on such difficult subjects.

    • Kyler J Falk profile image

      Kyler J Falk 

      3 months ago from Corona, CA

      I call the scenarios you talk about here, "Performative Cruelty," in most cases, but the reason I started reading was the way you described your reaction to someone's question of what you do all day.

      Being someone like me who chooses to identify with the self-deprecating title, "housewife," I don't understand why you would be so negatively triggered by that question in the first place. It is more than legitimate to ask such a question, most housewives have very little to do and are bored more often than not, and the media often turns houswives into a joke that further deepens the curiosity of those who would ask such a valid question.

      So I pose you these questions: What do you do all day, and why do you think that is such a terrible question that, what I'd think is better described as pity based on your connotations, the person asking requires your sympathy? Is it the perceived connotations of their question, just as your connotations around the word, "sympathy," are perceptibly unfavorable?

      Me personally I spend most of my time playing with and raising my son, other than that I go walking in the mountains and to the park. I wish I had more people asking me what I do so I could invite them to come with me, because at least they are taking enough interest to ask in the first place. Being a housewife is very lonely and boring for me, personally, and it would be exciting to have someone inquire about my goings on.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)