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Pregnant or Considering Becoming Pregnant?

Updated on March 26, 2017

Are you ready?

Most newly-weds are eager to bring their marriage into the (natural) next-step in the circle of life – a baby. Yes, while babies are adorable, innocent, sweet, miniature result of two people loving each other; they are also expensive, messy, fussy, tiring, and at times -frustrating little monsters. Emphasis on the expensive.

I have two amazing, beautiful daughters (a 7-year-old, and a 4-month-old). But, we are currently spending $295.00/ week, or ≈$1,180.00/ month, in just childcare (p.s. that is more than some mortgages). This is not including the $300.00 every 2 weeks in diapers, formula, wipes, bigger baby clothes (because they truly grow like weeds), etc. You will spend more on your child than you ever imagined spending on yourself; and it will all be for things they have to have. You need to budget, save, and plan for these future expenses. I have many friends that did not consider this and are now expecting. They are asking how we do it, and are they going to be able to?


Source

Are You Selfless and Responsible?

As I said, most of your money will be going to your precious newborn. But, so will your time. At first, you will be tired all the time; sleeping when you get a free moment (usually when the baby is sleeping). We spent many sleepless nights awake with fussy babies. Exhaustion will happen. Period. Just accept it.

Another issue new parents find they didn't consider is less time spent with friends. Your parties that lasted for days are over. Baby becomes your first priority, and now you must plan in advance just to grab a quick mani and pedi alone for some peace and pampering, or sitting with a coffee and reading a book in the quiet. However, you may get lucky with grandparents. If you are like me, you won't feel comfortable asking your parents to keep the kids on a regular basis. I can only muster the courage to ask every few months to get in a date night, or day. But, it isn't unheard of, and I know many grandparents that want - and almost demand - to keep their grands all the time. If that is the case, then lucky you! Don't abuse it, take your time for yourself, and show appreciation!

Typical Newborn Eat and Sleep Schedule

Time
Activity
9:00AM
Wake & Feed
10:00AM
Nap
11:00AM
Wake & Feed
12:30PM
Nap
1:30PM
Wake & Feed
3:30 PM
Nap
4:30PM
Wake & Feed
6:00PM
Nap
7:30PM
Wake and Feed
8:30PM
Nap
10:45PM
Wake & Feed
11:30PM
Nap
1:30AM
Wake & Feed
02:00AM
Sleep
04:00AM
Wake & Feed, Sleep
06:00AM
Wake & Feed, Sleep

Will You and Your Partner Make It?

Are you and your partner/ husband/ wife strong enough to survive the stress? Some couples have no qualms in this realm. Others can’t ride it out long enough to allow the relationship to pull through. My significant other and I had a perfect pregnancy, and we were peas and carrots for the first two days in the hospital. I was down for the count, in a lot of pain, unable to help with our newborn or even myself. He was amazing and I don’t know how I would have done it without him. On day 3 I could tell everything was taking a major toll on him. He was getting no sleep, I had to ask him to help with a million different things -including walk me to the bathroom, and helping me get on and off the toilet. Being together for 2 years, we had seen -what we thought- was the “good the bad and the ugly”. But, no. I was definitely at my worst, and all modesty was out. My partner had just seen me cut open and a baby pulled from my uterus. At home, it continued, no sleep wore on us. As close as we were, I could also feel the tension and distance. Now, at 4-months post-delivery, we are still having stresses but our relationship is “keeping afloat”. You need to make sure you and your partner are there for each other. I have yet to mention that my children have two different dads. [Yes I know - Gasps] And, each pregnancy, delivery, and after-math was completely different.

My family when we were expecting our youngest daughter.
My family when we were expecting our youngest daughter. | Source

According to studies at the Gottman Institute in Seattle, two-thirds of couples complained the aspect of their relationship declined immensely after adding new members to their family. Roughly 13% of men and women ended up getting divorced if they were already married at time of getting pregnant. For couples not married, but living together, the percentage rises to approximately 39% for splitting up.

Do you think you and your partner (married or not) can survive the obstacles and stresses that come with a baby?

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Labor and Delivery

Then there is everyone’s favorite worrisome category of food for thought - the delivery itself. It is different for everyone. I had one unexpected cesarean delivery in which I labored for 8 hours and attempted to push. It wasn’t pleasant. My second cesarean was planned and scheduled. However, my daughter decided to come about 12 hours ahead of schedule; my water broke and I again labored (for a shorter period this time) before I went in for surgery. It also wasn’t pleasant, and recovery sucks too. Do not fret though, I know many first and second -and so on - time moms that went in and it was smooth sailing. Labor, deliver, enjoy.

No matter how it happens, it is hard work and takes a toll on your body!

Source

Still Ready?

If you have made it this far, and you’re still gung-ho baby, good for you! Babies are truly a blessing, full of unconditional love. Their innocence is amazing, and watching them grow is something only special people get to experience and appreciate. I love my two girls more than anything or anyone, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. My life isn’t as I had planned it, and we aren’t perfect, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Youngest Daughter - Newborn
Youngest Daughter - Newborn | Source

© 2017 Brittney Nichole Lane

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    • Bernadette James profile image
      Author

      Brittney Nichole Lane 4 months ago from Dallas, TX

      Yes, Monica, that is a very good point I should have added in this article -time management.

      I work an 8-5, Mon-Fri, Office job as an Accounts Receivables Specialist. I was on unpaid maternity leave for 2 and a half months. (2 weeks before delivery, & 8 weeks after)

      But, something I always tell my coworkers or friends that have a newborn or are expecting, is that - babies have their own circadian rhythm. They know when they need to eat, sleep, fuss, be held, etc. They get on a schedule - which you can try to force, but in most cases parents lose that battle without even knowing it - and you will fall into their schedule. Which, will work for everyone. We both have full time office jobs, he has a part-time job, and I am currently also seeking a 2nd part-time job but we still make family time, I cook dinner every day, do homework and bath-time, etc. It becomes a natural thing.

    • monic-alang profile image

      Monica Langley 4 months ago from USA

      Well I've been through this. Time management is most difficult part for me. I am excited, happy but tired at the same time.

      Because it is difficult to manage the time as I am teacher, I have to making assignments, tests and other stuff for school, complete my other chores and manage the time for kids. My husband is very good with kids but he also has his job and stuff to do.

      So, I’ll recommend if you are a practical lady then pre-plan your job and other activities because they are not going to be the same.