The Loss of a Loved One

A red rose withers

Her smile lights up her wrinkled brow

How long will she last?

Every day is a new beginning, yet sometimes it is also an ending. How does one prepare for the inevitable? When one you adore that has lived a long full life but is nearing the end, should not I feel joy for that long life? After all 94 years is certainly a very good and long life; it is filled with wonderful memories. I believe there is a better place for her on the other side of that door; yet, for her to be to be there with the Lord will leave a big hole in me.

I have cared for my mother in my home for the past twelve years. My husband also adores my mother. She is a strong woman. She has survived her left leg being amputated due to a surgeon’s error. She learned to walk again with a prosthesis.

Last summer she broke her right hip, which meant the stump leg had to become her strong leg, and she is walking again. She has survived many heart problems, and she still goes and to play bridge with her friends. She never complains, and yet, I’ve watched her struggle. Mentally, she has remained sharp and can still correct my writing! She did have to give up driving due to poor vision.

My mother is known as a sweet woman and is loved by her community of friends and the family. She is the one that I can tell anything to and she does not judge me. I have been so blessed having a mother like her.

The cardiologist says she badly needs a mitral valve replacement but would not survive the surgery. Of course, I knew she would not survive forever. The medicine she is taking now has relieved most of the symptoms except for the fatigue.

As a nurse, I know exactly how serious this condition is as she has developed pulmonary hypertension, a complication of the mitral valve problem. I don't know how much time she has left, but with that diagnosis I know it will be shorter than I would choose even though I know she has lived much longer than the average person.

Many people are facing this same problem. One thing that does make it less difficult is the fact that I know exactly what her wishes are as to a funeral and to all the things she owns. There will be no sibling bickering or problems, which is a big relief. My husband and I have also paid for and made arrangements for our funerals when we leave this world. We want to make things as easy on our children as possible.

I have a friend whose mother has Alzheimer’s disease. He spends a lot of time with her at the nursing home, yet he says while her body is alive, she is gone. He says to talk with my mother as often as possible. He wishes fervently that he could actually talk to his mother. He would trade places with me, but I am still sad for him.

So, how do you prepare yourself for that inevitable loss? I try to focus on the present day. My mother is up and drinking her morning coffee while reading the paper. When she sleeps much later than usual, I peek in the door to make sure she is still with us. I guess there is no easy way. At least I know what is ahead, and I can make sure to leave nothing unsaid. I can laugh, talk, talk about old funny times and truly enjoy her each day. I will have positive memories, and that is worth a lot. I treat my mother well, and I don't have regrets about what I should be doing am not. I think that is important.

I'm not sure why I wrote this hub as I am not sure it will help anyone, but I felt the need to express my grief I guess. So many of my friends lost their parents very young, and certainly younger than my mother So, I know I am blessed and should quit feeling sorry for myself. This just is not one of my best days.