Real love can heal with a tender touch

It can take time to heal when it comes to matters of the heart.

What is hard the most is when we think of keeping people in other life when they serve no other purpose but only to be in our lives for sheer satisfaction of bringing us down or destroying our spirit.

I for one, learned we can not change people but only can change ourselves. So if I think people do not have a positive affect in my life, I will totally cut them off with no contact what so ever and not save telephone numbers, emails or anything on social media.

In the past my own decisions where I thought I could keep people in my life or not really thinking of being with someone who could possibly love me for me but because I thought that being alone I could not survive I would settle for guys that were not up to what was to the same potential where I wanted to keep going while they would stay stuck in what misery they lived with and I went right along with their misery.

I learned for a very long time that it is always best to be single and be a little lonely, then to be with someone and feel all alone in a relationship.

Recently I just started a new relationship and the love bug has bit me very hard and I feel as though the healing in my heart continues.

I mean if your with someone and you are stuck without evolving yourself to a higher level in learning and wanting to know about life, what good is it to be with someone in the first place?

I think involving myself with a couple of guys in the past where there really was not any compatibility but because it was the "idea" about being with someone and not being alone and like would I really die without having a man in my life.

The answer is "no".

Though in times I would back, even though I was single for a very long time and take full responsibility for my own "free will" of wanting to be with any guy in my past but there actually was not going to be any future because the compatibility was just no there.

OK here is an example, it is tiny but I like going to the gym and working out. I would have to seem to force a guy to always work out and I seriously was tired of that and well I am not sure why that was not a first sign if a part of me was trying to keep up with my health, why in the first place would I stay with someone who did not like working out or did not really make an effort to go the gym, where a guy would settle and yet I continued to want to work yet they would get lazy and not work out?

That did not help me out spiritually or with my mind and sometimes a guy would get jealous or pissy because I wanted that to share and experience with me which is something that keeps you going and live long and a little bit healthier.

But I am not sure how other relationships work with other people but I am just stating my own life and not comparing to other people's relationship but if someone in a relationship is hard at working out does it really workout if the other person is just a complete slob and a couch potato?

If you want to do activities that is a physical activity and a significant other just wants to be a slug, how do you have a healthy relationship?

I think that would also effect well the bedroom too and granted I don't want to get into too much details but I mean not that sex is totally part of a relationship and if I am working hard to keep myself in decent shape, well you know not wheezing as I walk as I get older and trying hard to keep my joints going and a guy was not that active how can a man truly excite me in bed. That is impossible to keep up with my standards in bed and that could possibly affect a relationship.

But I mean times in my life, sometimes a guy would act like a "woman" in my relationship and you know what I mean...be kind of B@tchy and act like a woman if I was trying to advance myself.

I am not the man and I think sometimes when I picked a guy in the past that act more like a b@tchy woman than me, once again, totally my fault because I once again would believe that I should not be alone maybe I would die without a man.

But if there is not a balance in a relationship with many things it will lead to probably mentally letting myself down because settling seemed the best issue where in a relationship it was not healthy at all whether abused mentally or physically.

So I had at times being with a guy in the past a guy that did shove me around and from time to time a guy that would be on the mental side where he could be nice but behind closed doors turned his words.

I also didn't like fighting with guys where I was with a guy that would not stop complaining about guys being gay and I kept trying to tell him, let people live their life. Sure everyone has a right to their opinion but this is something one guy was so obsessed with and I got really tired of it but thought this is someone I want to be with? Yet once again I should settle thinking he was a good guy.

There has been a few guys in my life and they truly could not accept the real me, so not really seeing the real issue but realizing it was not me, it was them because they just wanted to change me into a perception of what I should be and not be who I really should be so that would end up taking a mental toll on me.

I also have been trying to heal from things in the past and being with anyone that could not possibly love me for me being the person I should be never help mend my broken heart of other things so I never had time to mend and heal because it was the same repetition of being with someone because I thought I would die being alone.

I was wrong.

So in learning and listening to people with life experience they told me to go out and learn about "Shelly" and learn about "myself" before getting into a relationship.

So I had been single for a very long time and thought I would date a little bit.

When I tried dating and especially in the last few years, I just believed unless I was going to be involved with someone seriously, I just did not want to be intimate with someone.

I mean, if a man can not invest their time with me and get to really know me, in which I am up front and do say straight out that I am at a point in my life where I am "dating" and just not a woman into hook ups, meaning if I am interested in getting to know a man I would want it to lead to something more than just dating.

Of course I try to be honest even more where I say that I am not into the whole "open relationship" where it is one on one and even dating which of course the word dating, you are allowed to date more than one person but what is really insulting is when I would try to date someone and I specifically would say that i would be interested in a man but on a date a guy would bring up that he was just out on a date with another girl.

Now I do not know about anyone else and there might be a tiny bit of me that may sound a little old fashion but spending time with me, means I am not interested in hearing about other girls who your spending time with because it kind was like I was just this appetizer on a menu and selective among appetizers and didn't feel like I was a woman but just something to pass a time where a guy would just fill a spot to find someone.

I felt most of the time when I tried to date it was a waste of time because I would go out on a date, I always would say my true intentions on dating, well when I did that if I was interested in dating someone it would lead to so much more.

I did not think it was right to waste a guy's time to go on date with me where they just wanted to fill a "spot" and they weren't on the same wave length of me.

People would tell me, go out and play the game. I told people all the time, I do not have game and I just want to find someone on the same wave length as me.

I think truly too compatibility plays a big key with me.

Well recently I did start falling in love and was when I did not expect it and for the longest time, once again like I said I was single for awhile and I thought love was not meant for me to attain in this life time and was really kept in that mode for quite sometime and kept holding back.

There is that saying that someone is right underneath your nose and well yes that is what happened.

Of course I am nervous but happy and in love with someone who is understandable of me.

Not everything is all about money and yes, of course it takes money to pay the bills.

But in learning to start the process of love, I had to take a step to begin a whole healing process and being with any guy because he well was a guy, was just mistake and that is not how any past hurt could start to heal.

It just seems like there was a cut that was deep within in my heart for such a long time.

My heart's cut kept getting deeper and deeper because what I thought was love was not love because it was truly not love on the other end with a guy but only because I was just either a thing, a convenience of was some use to a guy or a spot until they found another woman.

So of course I would shy away at giving a man a chance because I could not really see if a guy was being real with me or not.

I think it is good to wait instead of just hitting up with a guy just to get in a relationship.

Plus society is so programmed into women about the whole biological clock is ticking and well I don't think with what is between my legs but only what is in my heart.

I think now with a new chapter in my life and my new love there is a further healing going on inside my heart.

I got to say that there is profound feeling that is a "calmness", a stillness in my heart that I have never felt and I like this feeling.

I guess I needed to heal but further healing helps when someone loves you so deeply that it feels like it is out of one of those passionate romance novels.

Believe me, I only rarely like a few chick flick films and now in this part of my life I feel like I am actually living in one of those romance novels, which I think, "HA HA, me, my life feels like a romance novel. Who would have thought?"

I do know when someone really loves you and so deeply that the healing from past hurt, heals even more so.

Love does help to conquer all.