- Mental Health
Remembered loss of innoscence
When you come to the present and there is more to write, but it hasn’t happened yet where do you go from there? Do you sit and wait to see what will happen or do you just throw up your hands and run right into life make things happen and start where you left off? Or do you cry because you can’t face the reality of the nothingness that you can't see? Has reality become a dry and brittle scrap of newspaper, blowing in the wind?
I'm asking a lot of questions because I don't have a lot of the answers. Now if we go with anger that I can throw out at anybody right now. Remembered rape leaves you with a lot of anger and you don't know which way to direct it. Do you turn it on the guys that felt no remorse and just enjoyed themselves or do you turn it on the one realized it was wrong and just let it happen but didn't participate? Or could it be turned on the boyfriend that encouraged it? Or do you turn it on yourself, because you let it happen. Years have gone by, yet it is now that I feel the pain, the denigration the nothingness that I have become. Where does one go from here? Forward into life with a smile on your face, or do you find a room and cry yourself out , striking out an anyone that comes near you. Or do you bury it again and go on like nothing happened.
I don't know, which way do I go, forward or back, sideways, up or down or just fall in a heap. Talk about life interrupted. I guess that's what it's all about, watching that dry brittle scrap of newspaper, blowing in the wind.