Returning to Normal...
As I am writing this I have realized that I have endured more than one person should in a year. The moving, the endless sleepless nights, the stress. I am surprised I am not in a ditch somewhere or admitted to a psychiatric ward sedated somewhere.Through it all, I do have to say my will power and my drive to push on has even me impressed with what I can handle and thrown at me.
So here I am again, back on that road to happy. Sitting at the airport terminal with my poor little brain over analyzing and thinking my decision. Could this actually be the last stop*(well for now)? Can this new job opportunity be the right fit for me? My landlords, as I will call them, have reassured me endlessly that I am going to be ok, safe and taken care of. Even though that thought in the back of my mind is saying "what if". I have to keep positive and remain calm. Once I see them at the airport I will know and say to myself, yes! this is finally it! I am going to make it. I am going to be happy, make something of myself and do good for myself.
The "what if" monster slowly is still lingering on my shoulder, teasing my ear,tempting me to turn away and run. No, he will not win this time. I am positive yet again. Hoping the good I see in people will actually become a reality and not some hypothetical dream inside my head. I do fear at times I am in some alternate reality and I will wake up any minute surrounded by people who care for me and this was all a horrific nightmare. Today I have chosen to be happy,although I am anxious and nausea at the same time. I will never regret my past, it has made me who I am today and that is something I will never regret. My life has been full of trials, test and tribulations. Always blocking what seems to be my road to happy. I am walking away from all of them with my head held high, knowing I am a strong and better person because of it.
I am living my life to the fullest, good decisions or bad, I have no one to please but myself, and no one to approve of what i do or say. I want to live my life with no limits and experience all that life has to offer. I will not apologize for anything I have said or done. It is in the past and thats where it will stay. You life can change in the blink of an eye. BE grateful for who and what you have, because tomorrow they may not be there. Sometimes the roads that lead us to the best things in our lives are the roads that are less traveled and those are the hardest journeys to make. So make the best of it, hang on and one day you will look back at your journey and smile for experiencing everything that you did!
