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Signs that You're a Twenty-Something Grandma

Updated on November 29, 2016

Your thoughts on a Friday and Saturday night: "I could go be social or I could stay in, watch tv and drink by myself"

Just think of all of the productive things you could accomplish if you stay in! Catch up on work/homework, cleaning, binge watching on Netflix, or trying that new recipe.

You take your morning coffee very seriously.

Your morning coffee is the cup of warm happiness you look forward to. It is time to reflect on all of the things you will accomplish that day. It is also the time where most of the world is still sleeping, so you get some quiet time.

You have a special chair or a specific section of the couch.

There is probably a permanent indent from you sitting there so often. This place is very important, it is like your second bed. You probably also have a special blanket that permanently lives there as well.

There have been multiple occasions where you were in bed before 9:00 pm.

The fact that people see a problem with being in bed early is very frustrating. Who wouldn't want to be snuggled in their warm burrito of a bed at an early time? You don't have to talk anyone and you can do whatever you want, what could be better?

When you do go out, after two hours you're ready to go home and put on sweatpants.

On the rare occasion that you agree to go out, your friends are surprised and excited at first. Then, at midnight when you start to get crabby and falling asleep at the bar, they remember why you rarely come out. But come one, why is everyone being so loud and obnoxious?

You have more expensive taste in alcohol than your friends.

Your friends enjoy $3 boxed wine and the cheapest vodka available. While you enjoy an aged bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon or nice gin. While you are still a twenty-something, you probably do not have a ton of money, but $3 wine still offends you.

Technology kind of makes you want to gauge your eyes out.

While you understand the basic social medias, you appreciate the old world basics. You probably have Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, but you still read physical books and write lists on paper. When you update your apps and everything changes, it really throws you off.

If you ask for kitchen dishes or homeware for birthdays/Christmas.

Why don't all of your friends want a new cast iron skillet or waffle maker for Christmas? For your birthday you got a Swiffer and a new knife block, so what? Your friends do not understand why these gifts make you so excited.


When you choose a new book over the newly opened bar.

You can knock out books like nobody's business. You would choose a quiet night with your book over a loud, late night out on the town.

You are the "mom" of the friend group.

You are constantly giving your friends advice; medical, relationships, or literature. You probably are the one telling your friends to stop texting her ex who continually is a jerk.

You generally arrive at least ten minutes early to everything.

Just the thought of being late probably gives you anxiety. You plan for the worst; heavy traffic, car accident, zombie apocalypse, or being pulled over. You will not let anything get in your way of being on time, so you have to leave early. Then when you are so early you end up sitting in your car waiting for an appropriate early time.

You correct other people's grammar.

Why does no one understand the differences between your and you're, or there, their, and they're? You are always correcting people whether it is in person or on Facebook, you understand it annoys people, but that does not stop you.

When you agree to go out and then immediately regret it.

It is past your bedtime, it is so loud, there are so many drunk people, and strangers trying to make conversation, what part of that sounds fun? Sometimes, you have to pretend to act your age though, right?

The thought of dating scares you a little bit.

Tinder? Bumble? What are those? Whether you are frightened of a commitment more serious than the one you have with your special spot on the couch or you feel that you are better by yourself, the thought of being with someone is scary. And why do people have to meet on social medias, can't a handsome man ask for my number at the grocery store?

You steer clear of all of the unnecessary drama.

Fighting and petty comments make you very uncomfortable. You are always trying to keep the peace. Why can't we just all be friends?

Are you a twenty-something grandma?

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