ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Sometimes, the clouds are unavoidable...

Updated on July 17, 2016
Christina St-Jean profile image

I am a mom of two awesome children who teach me more daily than I ever thought possible. I love writing, exercise, movies, & LGBT advocacy.

Depression and anxiety are polar opposites

Picture your mental health like a pendulum. On the one extreme, there's anxiety, where you can almost feel the heat coming off your brain for all the thoughts that are bouncing around. The energy level involved with anxiety is almost stunning, but you don't necessarily get a lot done because you're wondering what could possibly happen to throw you off your game plan.

On the other end of the spectrum is depression. You may not necessarily have anything terribly "wrong" with you or your life, but there's that stray thought or belief that comes through that will totally uproot you for days.

When you deal with anxiety and depression, you hope for those days when you're at a nice equilibrium, but that doesn't always happen and the storm could come before you realize exactly what's going to set you off.

I was there myself, just a couple of days ago, and I didn't fully expect it. You would think that you could control the thought, but all it takes is a few seconds for it to spin and then BOOM!

I got hit with the BOOM last night. I was walking around. That's it. I was tired, but that's nothing new. I try to be positive, but this was one time where I felt myself forcing the positivity.

What was wrong?

I had no idea.

That was the problem. There didn't have to be a problem for my depression to flare up, but there it was, and I was almost on the verge of tears as I was hit with it.

And it was that easy.

Forgiveness when you're depressed? HA!

One of the biggest issues with depression is that it becomes very difficult to forgive yourself. You think there's got to be something wrong with yourself, or if something is going well for yourself, you start wondering if there is going to be something that goes wrong and start anticipating what could happen.

You also don't realize that forgiveness is not required - although forgiving yourself is probably one of the best things you can do. Being depressed isn't a flaw; it's a genetic imbalance, whether you like it or not. You sit there wondering why you got stuck with being depressed when you have nothing to be depressed about, and then you start wondering why you're so messed up in the first place.

I've never understood why depression exists - and no, I'm not talking about simply being sad. Sadness can be fleeting, and sorrow can be even more profound, but depression can immobilize those with it for months. The most frightening experience I've ever had with depression was being so bone exhausted that I could not even get out of bed without a great deal of physical pain. I've never experienced anything like that since then.

Thankfully, I've been able to pull myself out of the occasional bout of depression that I've had descend on me, but each and every time it happens, I have to wrestle with it, and train myself to continue working through life when all I want to do is crash back into bed and pull the covers over my head.

Then I start kicking myself for even feeling that way - I've never been a quitter, and each time that feeling falls on me, I feel like doing exactly that. It's like everything goes a little gray when that feeling hits me, and I hate that.

I'm a Tigger personality - I don't let very much slow me down - and when I end up with that dark cloud hovering over my head, my bounce becomes a little lower, and that's so not Tigger.

Depression Ain't Pretty


How have you dealt?

What's been your strategy for coping with depression?

See results

It may look obvious...but it may not.


I'm a lucky one

Thankfully, in my case, depression appears to be somewhat fleeting, so I'm able to work hard and get past it. Not so many other people are so lucky.

I'm not saying that everything is perfect, but I'm blessed with good friends who do ask me what's going on when I'm not behaving like myself. These are good people who have my back and while I'm sure sometimes it's a bit aggravating for them having to deal with me living with anxiety and depression and the many emotional ups and downs that can go with it, I'm very fortunate that they care enough to check in and make sure that everything's all right.

Depressed people don't always know what's wrong, and when depression kicks in the person can become entirely different, and that's the challenge. It's hard to remember to reach out when you're dealing with depression but you've got to keep reaching out to the people who've got your back and pull yourself up out of the darkness.

It may happen again, but depression is something that can be beaten, each and every time, so long as you keep reaching out and trying to talk about it. The clouds do eventually vanish, and it's your friends and family that will help you get there.

Depression - the common secret that shouldn't be


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)