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Split Second-A Tribute to My Son, Kevin (1990-2003)
"Split Second".....how aptly named.
My son Kevin was using this title for a comic strip he was creating involving go-carts. As he neared his thirteenth birthday, go-carts were a big part of his life, although drawing was a deeper passion for him having won many art contests since he was four years old.
It was his love for go-carts that made "Split Second" a reality for me, for that's all it took for him to be gone. Nine years ago this month, Kevin died in a split second. He was killed instantly from injuries sustained in a go-cart accident.
Kevin had never once been hurt in any way riding go-carts. Never a scratch, never a bump, never a bruise.....until that day. It seems so unfair that he would die from the only injury he ever sustained.
Preserve the Memories
I want to remind you to take lots of photos of the people important to you. Someday those photos, and your memories, are all you may have of them. The photos really do help jar the memory regarding certain events as more time passes. I know I will never ever forget Kevin, but the photos allow the memories to remain more vivid.
As a tribute to my son, Kevin, I want to share with you some of my fondest memories of the funny things Kevin did or said as kids always do.
- When Kevin was about 4-5 years old I asked him to take some clothes hangers to the utility room and to put them on the dryer. Later, I asked him if he had done so. He said, "yes, well sort of, I put them on the wetter." (meaning the washing machine that sits next to the dryer)
- When Kevin was in kindergarten his school hosted a Halloween festival which included a spookhouse. Kevin was quite shy and wanted me to go through it with him. At one part there was a bloody woman lying on the ground crying for help and reaching her bloodied hand towards us. Kevin bent down to help her. It was such a sweet moment for such a shy child to still offer help to a stranger even though he was probably terrified.
- When Kevin was around 10-11 years old, I was putting his sister's hair into pigtails and putting in ribbons with their school colors, red and black. As he walked by us, he teasingly got into our faces. I asked him, "Kevin, do you want a red ribbon or a black ribbon in your hair?" Without missing a beat, he replied, "I don't know Mom, do you want a red eye or a black eye?" He was joking of course, but what a great comeback!
- Kevin was 10 years old when the planes hit the twin towers on 9/11. His younger sister was 8 years old. Not knowing how they would react to the news they may, or may not have, heard at school, I was ready to answer all of their questions. I'll never forget the look on Kevin's face. Instead of fear he was so full of determination and ready for action. He was convinced that we personally would be involved in some sort of battle and he knew exactly how we'd win. With all seriousness, he told me that we had a secret weapon, his sister. He thought she would be the perfect distraction. And because she idolized him, she seemed very willing to play along. He thought we would simply place her in the yard and when the bad guys were distracted by such a sweet little girl, he and the rest of us would ambush them and win the battle.
- Every year Kevin entered his artwork into the county fair. As he got older, he kept raising the bar on his artwork, expecting more out of himself. The deadline for entering was nearing and he was having trouble coming up with what he considered suitable entries. I pointed to one on the floor that he had discarded. It's one that was just blobs and swirls of paint where he had messed up. However, as abstract as it was, I thought it resembled a melting witch. I encouraged him to enter it anyways since they had an abstract category. He called the painting "I'm Melting". Imagine his face when he and his friends attended the fair and he discovered that not only did he win first place, he took the Tri-Color award.
More Info From Me Concerning Grief
Click here to read my hub on how to overcome the grief of losing a child. There are hundreds of comments on this hub from parents all over the world who share their experience with the loss of a child.
Comments
I am so sorry for your loss KCC. I understand what it is like, maybe not to the extent that you have went through, but loss is loss. You are keeping his memories alive, and that is what matters most. Voted up and look forward to reading more...
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Thank you for your comments spirit929 and carozy.
Kevin, my precious son, I miss you every single day. Know that you are remembered and loved by every life you touched. Today, the 8th anniversary of your death, we'll gather at your grave and send balloons in honor of the special time we had with you.
That was very sweet to read and I'm sorry for your loss KCC.
Incredible Hub KCC, Im sorry for your loss. What a fine young man he was. This is one of the best tributes I have ever read!
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Thank you so much lzzyM! It is a pain that never goes away, but it's sharpness seems to fade some with time. Losing an older brother must have been tough for you as well. My daughter misses her older brother.
Big hugs KCC...wish I could make things better but I can't. I, too, know the grief you feel having lost my brother aged 18 when I was 17. My parents never got over it, not completely. But still life goes on.
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Thank you Robin. I can't wait to meet you at the Dallas HubCamp!
I'm reading through Hubs by Hubbers attending HubCamp and am in tears reading your Hubs about your son. My heart goes out to you and the other parents that have lost a child; I can't imagine anything worse. You truly are an amazing person and I look forward to meeting you in Dallas! Warmest regards, Robin
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Mrs. J.B.: I'm so sorry you too have lost a child. I agree that having lost one certainly makes us stronger. I too believe that it was for a reason and take so much less for granted. I have another hub that is filled with comments from parents just like us and I try to help them know they are not alone.
My second child Simone died when she was just a baby so I understand your grief and pain. I know though that it made me much stronger spiritually and emotionally. Still there are times as I am sure you have them too when you wonder why my child, but I know that we went through this for a reason. I see life so differently now and take nothing for granted. I try to help others that have gone through the same pain and to let them know that they are not alone.
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I'm really sorry to hear that Uninvited Writer. My current husband never knew my son and found it "odd" that my daughter and I still discuss him and bring him up in conversations. I find it "odd" or uncomfortable to leave Kevin out. Depending on how people ask me, I am careful not to omit him but I also try not to make anyone uncomfortable about it.
I had a brother who died when he was 14, I was under 4. My parents never talked about him...I didn't even remember I had a brother until I was older and saw pictures, etc. But they would never discuss him. I think that was so sad
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Thank you brakel2. Losing Kevin has certainly been the most difficult thing I've had to cope with. Thank you for stopping by! Good luck to you too!
Thanks for a great hub. A 4 wheeler almost took the life of my neighbor's friend's grandson. There are so many tragedies, but to lose a child must be devastating. I know it releases a person a little by writing, so I am glad that you wrote this hub. Good luck in your endeavours.
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Thank you, Julie. I'm glad you got to "meet him". :)
Thank you for sharing a part of Kevin with me...
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Thank you, From Planet Earth. I can honestly say there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. No one can possibly miss him more than I do.
It's amazing when you can laugh and cry all at the same time. There is no doubt you love your son. He was a great kid. We will all miss him. Nice tribute
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Thank you Michael. You're right about the pain never going away. The loss will always be a devastating loss. Nothing changes that. Time does help us learn to cope. I agree that I have a stronger bond with my daughter because of what we went through. Thank you for sharing your experience too.
In 1993, we lost our oldest son just prior to his 18th birthday. I've learned the memory and pain of his loss will never go away. It will however continue to shape our being and help direct our daily lives to the positive. His memory continues to help me determine what is most important each and every day. Relationships with our other boys I know are better because of his loss. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
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Thank you so much Jaynie. Cherish every moment with your children. I am truly blessed for the time I had. Kevin is indeed with me always.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I have two amazing daughters and I realize how grateful I am to have them every single day. When I hear stories like yours, even the possibility of losing my own children fills me with the most dreadful emotions. I know those pale in comparison to pain like yours. But the blessing is that you had your amazing son for 13 years and God willing, his memory will be with you forever. Peace.
To this day, I often wonder how my parents lived with the death of my sister Heather. As a mother of two beautiful boys, I found strength in my parents. Thankyou for sharing this. I am so happy I found you on Hubpages. You are an amazing writer and an inspiration to the heart and mind...
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Thank you so much, CreativelyCC. He is, and always will be, a great source of pride for me.
Your son Kevin was amazing and I feel like I really got to know him by reading this precious hub! You raised an awesome son and he will always be alive in your heart.
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Thank you mailxpess. I do miss Kevin, particularly around this time of year as we near dates with particular meaning to Kevin. Fall is when he always entered his artwork into the fair. Fall is when he was born, fall is when he died. The list goes on. Fall is bittersweet. It's painful to remember, but precious to never forget if that makes sense.
I can't imagine the shock you and your family must have gone through. The painting is beautiful. I'm sure you miss him every waking moment of every day.
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Thank you so much Raisingme. I'll have to check out Somewayouttahere's hubs.
I just found this because I found you in the forums. Have you read Somewayouttahere's hubs? She lost her daughter. I have come so very close to what you have experienced and my heart reaches out to your heart! Thank You so very much for having the courage to write this. Much love, appreciation and gratitude to both you and your beloved son.
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Thank you so much Diane. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of Kevin in some form or fashion. He's so much a part of me and I wouldn't have it any other way, to be honest. I sincerely hope that other mothers who have suffered a loss of a child realize how precious those memories are and that grief can be conquered with time.
I read your tribute to your wonderful son Kevin and my heart goes out to you. As a mother, I could not imagine anything worse than having one of my children pass before I do.
I agree that photos help keep the memories alive of events and great times you had together.
By writing this hub you obviously are helping a lot of others cope with their loss. Keep up the great work.
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Thank you so much DustinsMom and JonFreemen!
A truly moving story, a very wonderful way to remember your son. God bless you.
You know how I feel about this subject, having lost my only child. What a precious son you had in Kevin, and his love remains forever in your heart. What a wonderful way to remember him. Talking and sharing keeps his memories alive. The artwork by Jerry was fantastic. My heart goes out to you my friend.
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Give him a big hug, Mikel.
My son just turned 14. I couldn't read your hub, I'll try another time. I couldn't Imagine...
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Thank you Duchess OBlunt.
KCC, your Hub has already helped so many others. What a wonderful tribute to the memory of your son. Bless you
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I'm so sorry Adjei. ((((Hugs)))) I know how lost you are. I know how hollow you feel inside. The heartache will always sting, but you will find it easier to withstand the sting. I promise it gets better. You are very very early in your grieving process. It's been 6 years for me. If you haven't found BeyondIndigo.com, you should check out their message boards. It helped me so much in those early days. I have a few other articles about grief too, including how to handle the holidays after losing someone you love. Feel free to email me anytime if you just want someone to talk to or to ask me a question. You can find my email button at the top of this page on the right under the monkey avatar. Take care of yourself.
I was very touched by your story and was also encouraged of how you are coping with it. I have just lost my 2 yr old son to a tragic accident. He got tangled to a curtain drapery. It has been a month and I am still lost. The heartache is unbearable at times. When I read on how you tried different coping and grieving ways I was comforted. I also prefer to look up the net for comfort. I have found very comfoting sites that gets me through the day.
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Thank you for your thoughs and kind words. The strength comes only from the desire to not let his memory fade.
I don't have the words... Thank you for sharing and my thoughts and prayers to you and others who have had such unimaginable loss. A beautiful tribute by an obviously very strong woman.
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Thank you Susansisk. Dirt bikes and go-carts and even accidents and spills are all a part of boys growing up. Kevin enjoyed life. I'm glad to be able to share it. Thank you for your kind words.
What a beautiful tribute! My sons also rode dirt bikes, and had go-carts. I feel like I knew your son from your writing. I am so sorry for your loss.
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Thank Glen. Losing a child is something a parent should never have to endure.
just found this hub, nice, I felt your pain as you wrote it losing one of my own, you are sooo right about taking picture's, something I didnt do much of and regret deeply...be well
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Thanks Sidney. Give your son a big hug and cherish every moment.
I just could get myself to read the whole thing. When I read your introductory note I just assumed he had gone to college or something. Oh how I wish he had! He looks somewhat like my son. Same colors. Same smile.
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Thank you so much for your kind words, Ben. I'm truly blessed to have had the time I did with Kevin. He taught me so much and I'm honored you allowed me to share some of that with you.
I was really touched by the positive and warm tone of this tribute to your son. I don't know if I could be so strong, I like to think I could, but I hopefully will never know. I am inspired by your writing and by the cleverness of Kevin. Life is always full of surprises and tender moments, but few people recognize that as fully as you and your son have KCC. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the scene you rendered about Kevin reaching down to help the woman at the haunted house! What a bright light Kevin is! May the Great Spirit bless you and your son!
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Thank you CiscoPixie. It's definitely not easy, but yes, it does get easier with time.
I'm sorry for your loss. It can't be easy to overcome something like this but i suppose it takes time.. Thank you for sharing with us a piece of your heart and soul.
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Thank you very much, Janiek13.
I;m sorry for your loss. What a nice tribute.
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Thank you poetlorraine. I don't see me as being brave or strong. You just simply carry on and embrace the good and learn to cope with the pain.
you are very brave to write this, how awful for you...... it is truly the worst that could happen to anyone, you have great strength
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Thank you nicos502. Don't take any moment for granted. A split-second is all it takes for your world to change.
Thank you KCC, you bring Kevin to life when sharing those precious moments with us. And you inspire us to enjoy our everyday life with our kids and family.
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Thank you rmcrayne. I had only lost grandparents up until I lost Kevin. Losing Kevin was without a doubt the hardest thing I've had to endure. I lost my daddy last year. It was tough too, but not as tough as losing Kevin.
KCC I've experienced a lot of loss in my life, but never a child, parent, spouse or sibling. I can't even imagine what that would be like. Thank you for sharing your loving tribute to Kevin.
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Thank you Franki. I very much appreciate your kind words.
All I can saY honey,,, is I am so sorry for your loss,,,, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine a bigger loss than a parent losing a child, except a mother losing a child. We are not wired for that.
We are wired for (us) children, to lose they're parents first not the other way around.
Words can't even describe how bad I feel for you
I'm a fan for sure after reading this hub.
Franki
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Thanks for stopping by Resspenser. It takes a special person to cope with what you've had to endure.
Tonight is the anniversary of Kevin's death. It's bittersweet. We celebrate his life by launching balloons from his grave and reminisce about the good times, but at the end of the night, he's still gone from our physical lives.
KCC,
I appreciate the hub and your attitude. I have a step-son who was hit by a car when he was 4 and he sustained a severe head injury. I wish everyday that it had not happened, not for me-I think he is a joy-, but for all the "normal" life he is missing! He is 34 now and lives with his mother and me.
I worry constantly about my granddaughters who are 6,7 and 8. And yes I do take a huge amount of pictures!!!!!!
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Thank you so much abcd111. We will once again celebrate his life in just a few days as we mark the anniversary of his death. We release dozens of colorful balloons from his gravesite as we've done every year on the anniv of his death and birth. Just recently, fellow hubber Jerry Bacik created a beautiful tribute piece of artwork for me to honor Kevin. I'm gonna run add the photo here and put a link to that hub. BRB
I have two boys in college right now. Becoming a parent makes you vulnerable to the worst pain on earth which you have suffered.
Kevin has come alive for me because of your beautiful tribute. He was so quick-witted and artistically talented.
My heart goes out to you for your loss, but you have done a wonderful job of celebrating the beautiful life of your very special son.
Thank you.
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Thanks, Stacy! Cherish those moments. I have such fond memories of Kevin and they mean the world to me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Thanks for the hugs and hug those boys for me.
KCC
I have 2 little boys. One is 1 and the other is 3. They drive me crazy!!! My 1 year old climbs things only to find him standing on top of the dining table and can't seem to hear me when I scream NO! And my 3 year old is devilish and smiles at me when he knows he's wrong. By the end of each day there's a hug/kiss or the holding of my hand and at that moment it pains me to think if I ever lost them my life would be over.
I cried through your story and I'm hugging you right now!!!!
You sound so strong.
Love, Stacy
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Thank you so much, Habee! We survive simply because we must, I guess. It's quite an adjustment, but you take each day and work from there. It'll soon be 6 years for me. Thanks for stopping by.
Oh, KCC, how does a person survive that much emotional pain? I simply cannot imagine what you and your family went through. Your warm hub brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing part of your wonderful son with us.
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Thank you so much, Herald Daily. I'm honored you stopped by and took the time to read about him.
I'm sorry for you loss, KCC. You have so much courage and I feel honoured to have read these special memories of your Kevin, thank-you.
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Thank you so much BayArea! He was too special NOT to share. I'm glad my fellow hubbers are able to indulge me a bit while I do.
God Bless you as you continue in your journey here without your sweet boy. Life sure is full of mysteries that are too hard to understand sometimes. Thank you for sharing your memories 0f Kevin with us.
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Thank you so much, Feline Prophet! You don't realize how important memories are until that's all you have left.
Just came upon this hub and am really touched! Such heartwarming memories...may they live with you always. :)
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Awww, thank you so much bludstream! Kevin's with me always. He's a part of everything I do. All of my writing comes from his room (there's a hub about that too). This time of year is always the toughest. The anniv is coming up quickly followed by another birthday he's not here to celebrate. Thank you for your kind words.
All of us who have children and have raised them share the daily fear of losing them. How many times as I watched my son leave for school did I think to myself "this could be the last time I see him". It is this fear which makes us watch them so carefully and sometimes, overly so. My son is 28 now and yet I worry about him every day. Your story has hit me harder than anything I have read in years KCC. You have to believe that he is out there watching over you now. Stay strong.
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Thank you Sheristeele! I'm sorry to hear about your son's accident. I hope he's recovering well.
What a wonderful and handsome boy Kevin was! I know you miss him dearly. Your story hit home for me so much. My 16 year old who is an avid skateboarder was hurt very badly 3 weeks ago in a skating accident. Again, something he loves tremendously. I am truly sorry for your loss. I am also happy that you have such wonderful memories. Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you Aqua. The red eye/black eye comment was certainly one of my favorites as well. I do miss him, every second of every day. Thanks for stopping by.
KCC - What a beautiful tribute to your son Kevin. I can tell he was truly a great young man. I know you miss him dearly and I thank you for sharing him with us. His quip about a black or red eye made me chuckle :)
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Thank you so very much "landthatilove". My son's best friend witnessed my son's accident and it greatly affected him and his mother since she too felt that my son was like a second son to her as well. It is very unnatural and so very very difficult to cope with. But, cope, we must....and somehow we do. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't long for him to be back here with me. But each day I have to remind myself of the precious time I did have. I make sure everyone that I love KNOWS that I love them. It's so very important.
My son's best friend was killed in an automobile accident. Keith was always at our house and was like a second son. He had teenage siblings and preferred the little boy haven at our house to the teasing he got there. He spent an entire week with us at our lake cottage before the accident. I took the boys to the beach that week and Keith kept "playing dead" by floating in the water and on the way back home I could see him doing it again in my rearview mirror. I actually told him to stop it as it for some reason was no longer funny to me. He would say "I'm dead" and then droop like he was. Could he have been predicting this?
It took me two years to not have crying jags over that child who was not even my own son. So I can only imagine how painful it was for you.
I agree that a child dying is so unnatural and alien to our mind.
God Bless you.
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Thank you, Kevin (Partluck)....Kevin was indeed passionate about life, fun, art and being a good friend to everyone he met. His memory is with me always.
One of the most touching blogs I have ever read, and being a Kevin myself I bet he had a great passion for life! May the memories last a lifetime.....
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Awwww, thank you so much for those wonderful compliments, and for being so persistent in getting here too! I truly appreciate it.
Sharing Kevin (and my Daddy, in another hub) is something I am compelled to do, more than struggle to do, if that makes sense. I guess what I'm saying is that I didn't find it something that took strength really. It was something I couldn't help but do.
The reality of life/death isn't the events themselves, it's more about our perception of them and that's the part I'm most interesting in helping others with.
Thank you again, Create a Page.
KCC I read this hub last night. I tried several times to respond, but my internet service kept dropping. I'm persistent, as you can see. I have been so amazed by the warm compassionate spirit which I sense in you each time I read a comment you make in the Forum or anywhere else.
This hub has revealed to me why I have been sensing this about you. You strike me as a very, very sincere and selfless person. It takes great courage and apathy to share your greatest pain at the saddest moment of your life. Very few people have that strength of character. Thank you so much for being so real about the reality of life. I'm also very sorry you experienced the great loss of a very handsome young man who had so very much to offer. I encourage you to keep writing and sharing your warmth on the internet. We need it!
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Thank you so much Real Illusion! You're right, it is so important to love and appreciate the moments we do have. You never know when they may abruptly end. Thanks for stopping by!
This sharing from you is deeply touching and is indeed an important and timely reminder to make the most of what we have.
Thank you.
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Thank you WannaB Writer. You are definitely someone who understands where I'm coming from having gone through such a similar loss yourself. (hugs) You're right, there comes that day when you are able to cling to the goodtimes with such fondness. I'd love to read your story about Jason. When you write it, email me and let me know where it is. I can add a link here even. Thanks for stopping by!
I was moved by this. I lost my son in a split second when he was barely 14. He was also doing something he loved -- riding a jet ski for the first (and last) time. There are so many wonderful memories, and we miss him, too. Jason left us in 1991. You never quite get over it, but gradually the pain recedes is replaced by the happy memories. I will be writing about Jason sometime soon, but I'm not sure yet where. Most of my grief writing is on Squidoo, since I only recently found out about hub pages.
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Thank you mommyfreelancer. I certainly can't say that I never questioned Kevin's death, but I have accepted it and consider the time I had to be an incrediblly blessed part of my life. Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you, KCC Big Country, for sharing your son with us. I, too, have a son, born on Christmas day, and he means the world to me.
A friend lost his son when he was 6 years old and she said that she never questioned why he was taken away so early. In fact, she was always grateful that for those six years she was blessed with his presence.
Just tells us all to always savor the moment. God bless!
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Thank you Divalici0us. Thanks for stopping by.
Awww, thank you for sharing this. After reading the little things it reminded me of my brother and stuff he has said and done. :)
I saw the link to this on one of your other posts.
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Thank you Julie-Ann and CamAnju (not sure how missed you 6 days ago Julie-Ann, sorry!)......I'm glad you both visited so that you can get a glimpse of someone so very dear to me.
I think it's great that you can savor the good times and keep going.. he sounded wonderful. ^^
Sorry I've only just stumbled across this. What a beautiful memorial to someone so special.
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Thank you so much for your kind words SEM Pro. An essense of Kevin is interwoven into everything I do. It's a connection that means the world to me. Thank you for understanding what that means.
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