Stop Others From Running Your Life-Difficult but Possible

I was so consumed in wanting to be how everyone expected, that I lost who I was. I basically lost my spirit. I felt as if I didn't know what I liked or disliked. Actually, I didn't know who I was at all. Why was I like this? This was most likely because I was living to be like someone else. I wanted to act how others said I should or shouldn't act, or like what they liked etc. I started not being able to stand myself because I was just being like everyone else. I have felt like a robot many times. I felt I didn't have a purpose and was worthless because I am different from everyone else. I remember the first time someone asked me, "What do you think". This question asked to me was from my mentor, friend, and office manager who I respected very much. I was so surprised that anyone, especially her, wanted my opinion. I believe this was when I realized that my opinion mattered, and I was just as important as anyone else. After this, I questioned myself daily regarding things to see what I really enjoyed, and my opinions. I "got to know" myself again. I built up my self-esteem this way. I began to love myself again. This was a great transition in my life because before this; I did not know myself, also didn’t know what I wanted out of life. Life became so much better for me.

Gradually I began having my own opinions even if I did not like what someone else did. This was a hard transition for me. I would used to say, "oh I like that group" if a person was talking about a music group that I didn't like quite so much. Now, I will say, "no I do not care for that group". I sometimes am being asked, "Why????" like I was ridiculous for not liking what he or she likes. I will tell them that I don't know, that is just my opinion. Eventually, people began to accept my opinions and my differences with them. I would not debate with these people. I would just let them know what I like or didn't like. I believe I didn't have an opinion before because I did not want to upset the person and I did not want to get into an argument. There is no need to argue if someone has a different opinion. You can just state what you like or don't, and leave it at that. This gave me peace to give my opinion and I enjoyed knowing myself more and more.

After becoming like other people and doing what they say for so long, life becomes confusing and everything becomes overwhelming. What do you expect when you’re acting like someone else when you are meant to be your own person? I am not talking following any kind of rules and regulations. Of course we have to all follow rules at work, home, and of course the law. I am talking about when someone says, “don’t you think you should wear your hair longer, with bangs?” or, “I go to ABC church, you should go there also.” These statements are ok, but to follow every single thing a person wants you to follow becomes a little much especially if you do not want to. Yes, it is ok for a friend or family to have an opinion on something, but this is also “his or her opinion”. If the person doesn’t want to follow what they say, they shouldn’t have to.

Start standing up for yourself even if a person gets angry with you for not taking their advice or changing your hair, clothes etc. This is where I fell into changing for someone. I noticed some people would get angry with me if I didn’t do as he or she did. I changed who I was because I was afraid of making someone angry. This process took a long time for me to get good at. I still have problems with this at times. I felt really good when someone told me that I should have my daughter’s hair a certain way. I told the person “me and my daughter talked about her hair and we like it this way”. The person was floored, but this made me feel good because I was standing up for how we felt about something. You’ll be surprised the first time you stand up how good you’ll feel.

I remember when I moved from California to Ohio, I felt like I had no idea where, or even who I was. I began to mold into the people who I met in Ohio. I became like them and had their same opinions; almost a clone of another person. I started letting others run my life and did as he or she said. Plainly, I was starting to lose myself again. I had to get out of this rut, and fast! I began the same cycle I had done years ago. Again this took time, but I became my own person again, and started loving myself again. I believe that every time this may happen to people, they love them self even more than before. Sometimes I still fall into letting others control my life. All I have to do is ask myself in my mind what it is that I really want then I snap out of it. Sometimes, this does not bother some people, but this can be an ongoing thing for some, like myself.

Some people want you to be just exactly like them. There are people who will suggest things and expect others to follow "just because". Maybe there is some hidden reason for this action. Maybe the person was always told in the past that he or she was right in everything they did. I doubt it. I really don't know how people become this way and want to run another person's life. The real problem is when one person lets another control how they feel, what they like, or what they do. This can be anything from the way a person dresses, what kind of music they like, what church they attend, the kind of hairstyle they have, what food they eat, and many other things. All people have a right to their own opinions. If the person who tries to run someone’s life does not like this, it doesn't really matter. Your thoughts and opinions matter and you are important also. You have to realize that it is time to start living your own life. :)