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Stop Taking Advantage of Yourself and Allowing Others to Do The Same

Updated on August 28, 2015
It is okay to say, NO!
It is okay to say, NO! | Source

Learning to Respect Yourself

What is the road-map for learning to respect yourself and stop allowing other people to always give you the authority to do everything without ‘them’ doing anything?

Here are the excuses for other people allowing you to do it all:

  • Oh, you do this better than anyone else.
  • You are the only one who knows how to make the carrot cake.
  • I would give you a hand, but I’ve got my desk full of work to do.
  • I do not know anything about this account, so I am assigning it to you.
  • You have more time to do this because you do not work and I do.
  • Why can’t you do this in ‘your’ spare time?
  • Everyone else has their plate full, could you possibly make the plans for the party?

It doesn’t matter who it is; you are allowed to say no, I’ll think about it, or I’m sorry I can’t this time. People pleasers are very nice people, but when you allow or put yourself into the same position all of time, you are taking advantage of yourself as well as allowing other to. When you agree to take the bait over and over again, you are not being appreciated, respected, or cared about; you are being taken advantage of.

Why Do You Feel The Necessity to Be In Charge?

Life is too short to think that everything good must come from you. You can wear yourself out planning, making, getting, buying, preparing, planting, and pushing for those things that everyone else takes for granted.

The good things in life take work and preparation. If you are dead set on being the people pleaser; take a look at why you are doing so much that others should be assisting in or helping with.

They take your work and make it theirs by enjoying what you have accomplished; as you take advantage of yourself and they join in as if it is their accomplishment. It is time to share the fun with somebody else.

Why Do You Feel the Necessity to Be In Charge?

  • Are you seeking outside validation?
  • Are you seeking attention?
  • Are you trying to be important to someone?
  • Are you being manipulated by other people?
  • Are you just in love with giving of yourself to the extent of denying yourself?

To elaborate on the above; you must find within your being some way to appreciate your own worth. You do not need another person’s validation. You must look at yourself as being complete without someone else telling you how good you are at something.


A Person Must Stand Up For Themselves

We all love attention, but the right attention is necessary to be healthy, full of life, and happy. You can be important to others in many ways besides taking on more than your share of giving. A person must stand up for themselves; the old saying is true, if you do not, no one else will.

Too often in life the roses get planted by the person who wants to see them grow, the roses bloom because of the care, nutrition, and watering that was done. Then the spectators arrive to view the accomplishments of the gardener and decide to cut the roses for others to see. Without even thanking the gardener who gave the care, put in the hard work, and pampered the bush until it bloomed.

This is not intended to make another person think their work is in vein, it isn’t as we were made to give of ourselves to others. But, at the same time, there must be equal time spent on taking care of one’s own needs, security, and well-being. As a matter of fact; other people will respect you much more by sometimes saying maybe, or no, I can’t do that.

One person cannot carry the load of ten, nor can one person become the shepherd of the flock when it comes to family, friends, or foes; it takes an entire team to make things happen right. There should be an equal spot for each and every individual, and this is when other people learn about sharing responsibility.


Family Giving

Too often one individual in a family takes on the entire responsibility for making sure everything for their family is adequate. This often is the caregiving for elderly parents. Not fair at all and everyone should take a time to give of themselves. Often these individuals who want to do it all; get so involved that they stop living for themselves. That can and will wear on anyone’s own ability to have a clear since of self.

Most people think; how can you go wrong by doing everything you can for or instead of someone else? Doing for other is a very unselfish way of life, but doing with others can help a person keep their own life intact. It may sound egotistical to say this, but other people will often take advantage of a person who knows how to do everything, and is willing to do everything and does everything.

You must love yourself! Just say it...."I love me." Okay, you can add in the "too."


Take A Break And Learn To Assign

When is the last time you spent an entire day relaxing, reading your favorite book, listening to your favorite song or taking that much needed walk in the park? It has probably been awhile if you are one of those people who are taking advantage of yourself to make everyone else’s life happy, and content.

It is time to claim your own happiness, contentment, and joy; for a while anyway. It is time to let others take responsibility as this is the only way for any person to grown themselves and become more giving.

This includes the other spouse, the children, and extended members of your family. A spouse who works can still run their own bath water, put their clothes out for the next day, and help put the dishes in the dishwasher. The children can take their plates to the sink, put the leftovers in the garbage, and rinse if necessary. They can take out the garbage, pick up their hobbies from the floor before bedtime, and take the clothes they wore for the day to the laundry room.

How to kids learn responsibility? They can’t when you are doing it all for them. It is really unnecessary for a mom or dad to do everything for the children. It does not mean that you love them more. It will in fact allow them to see that you love them more by giving them responsibility. Sooner or later everyone has to pick up their own clothes from the bathroom floor.

Final Note....

You cannot make the world one happy place. It would be nice if you could, but when would you find the time to be happy yourself?

Think…… I am only one person who must articulate my own happiness, my own worth, and my own validation. I am not being selfish; I am being realistic.


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    • lctodd1947 profile image

      lctodd1947 2 years ago from USA

      Often if we do not become a little selfish we just might wind up very ill if we do not take care of our own is hard to do when we are selfless people.

      Thanks for stopping by.

    • sujaya venkatesh profile image

      sujaya venkatesh 2 years ago

      a little selfishness does help us in a way

    • lctodd1947 profile image

      lctodd1947 2 years ago from USA

      I think it is human nature to want to please others, but as you have said, sometimes we take it a little too far. With your wisdom, and experience I am sure you will get it under control and live for Denise more....Right????

      Thank you so much Denise for coming by to read and comment, your thought are very professional and warranted on any of my hubs.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 2 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I really needed to hear this today! I tend to be a people pleasing person and base my worth on the accolades of others. It isn't very often that I give myself approval for the things that I do, or just for being me. It is about time I started doing that!

    • lctodd1947 profile image

      lctodd1947 2 years ago from USA

      Thank you MarloByDesign. You are so right and if the kids do not learn it early it will be harder as they grow older and off to college where responsibility really starts. Their entire life will be different if they are taught that they have equal responsibility at home, work and play. Nothing in life is free or given, and especially anything that worth having. It takes hard work, discipline and determination to make life good.

    • MarloByDesign profile image

      MarloByDesign 2 years ago from United States

      Great Hub. I especially like the how "kids learn responsibility" part. I completely agree that parents should not do it all for them and teaching kids responsibility will lead to independence.