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Tangible Memorials For Those Who Have Suffered A Miscarriage or Pregnancy Loss
If you've endured a pregnancy loss, you may feel that you're all alone in your grief process. Even if you have supporters, you feel that if you just had something tangible to be a memorial for your baby, that you might be able to cope just a little better. Well, you're right. If you've experienced an early pregnancy loss, you more than likely didn't have a funeral for your precious baby. You may have wished that you could have had one, but because the loss wasn't as real to others as it was to you, you wouldn't have thought of it. Maybe you would not have wanted a service even if you were given the choice. Either way, you probably still wish for something to mark the memory. Although this is one of the most painful things you've ever experienced, your mother's heart doesn't want to forget. (If that were possible). If you had a more advanced pregnancy loss, and did have a funeral, having something tangible around you to memorialize your loss is still very helpful.
As for myself, I have a little figurine of two babies bundled up snugly in the snow sitting on the mantle of my fireplace. They remind me of two little angels that found a place in Heaven to play in the snow. Also, my mother-in-law delivered a baby boy at six months along and the angels carried him to Heaven. The body of her precious baby is buried in a cemetery near her home. She places flowers on his grave for him every year and she places flowers for our babies as well. I can go to the little grave on Memorial Day and pay respects to my little brother-in-law, and remember my losses as well. (Mom, if you read this, 'Thank You.' This little gesture has always meant so much to me)!
Also, I gave my babies names. This alone has helped me immensely. I think of my babies by their "names" instead of "the babies I lost". Even if you're not sure if the baby was a boy or girl, you may just "know" in your heart what the name is supposed to be.
Here are some other ways to remember your angel.
- Write to your baby in Heaven by the means of a journal, then ask God to tell your baby what you wrote. (God loves and cares for you and He loves your baby too; He really can do this for you if you ask).
- Write a poem and frame it
- Display a magnetic pregnancy loss ribbon on your vehicle or wear a ribbon on your clothing.
- Make a bookmark with the date of the loss, the baby's name (if you have one) and a poem or saying. (If your baby was delivered, put a copy of his little footprints on it).
- Make a memorial web page or scrapbook
- Plant a rose bush or tree in honor of your baby
REMEMBER...It's not your fault.
Among the wide range of emotions that you may be experiencing at this time, guilt may rank close to the top. As you begin analyzing everything that you have done over the time that you were pregnant, you suddenly realize that their may have been some things that you probably should or should not have done. You carried your three year old, you drank too much caffeine, (or maybe even something stronger once or twice before you realized you were pregnant).
Things like this, although not recommended, are not what caused you to miscarry. There are several different causes for miscarriages, such as health problems, implantation problems, or a defect in the sperm. For more information on the causes of miscarriage, click here. But even though you may try to figure out the problem, more than likely you will never have a satisfactory explanation. Even your doctor probably will not be able to give you the real reason, and most doctors won't even do testing until you've had more than three miscarriages. The bottom line is don't blame yourself.
Don't hold in your grief. Find a good friend or support group. Most of all, talk to God. Tell him everything you feel. He cares. Remember, His son died too, but He has risen again! Because of this, you can have hope of being with your baby one day.