- Personal Health Information & Self-Help
The Blame Game is No Fun
Author Andrea Picarelli
The Blame Game is No Fun
The Blame Game is No Fun
I got separated in the Fall of 2011 and my divorce was finalized the following year. I left that marriage with so many hopes, goals, and dreams. I lost so much in that marriage and I was determined to re-build my life. I just knew that without my Ex-Husband that I could have a successful and very abundant life.
Year after year I felt like I was just spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I was so frustrated and felt as though my Ex-Husband was haunting me and like a noose around my neck that I could not break free of. I just could not understand what was holding me back. The only thing that made sense was to blame my Ex-Husband for being a curse on my life.
If I was not blaming my Ex-Husband then I was blaming my Father. The more I blamed others the easier it got. When I blamed others it made me feel less like a failure. At the time, I was not yet aware that the blame game was cheating me out of the life that I had longed for.
I believe that people either come into our life as a blessing or a lesson. The universe provides us with the lessons and experiences that we need in order to learn and grow. The Universe put a Mother and Son in my path that while they were not a blessing at all but provided me with many challenging lessons in life. Those lessons caused me a great deal of pain and suffering which made me a much better person. “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!”-Friedrich Nietzsche
This Mother and Son that I became acquainted with loved to play the blame game. The Son blamed his Mother and Late Father for everything that was wrong with his life. Meanwhile, The Mother blamed her Son and Late Husband for everything that was wrong with her life. The Mother and Son never took responsibility for anything in their lives. Nothing was ever their fault.
My therapist always said, “Like attracts like” and I was beginning to see an example of what she meant. I attracted this Mother and Son to me because I played the blame game. The universe put them in my path so that I could learn about the blame game and perhaps rise above it.
It took time and much observation of this dysfunctional Mother and Son playing the blame game for me to put the pieces of the puzzle together and see the whole picture of what was really going on. It took time for me to see how they were causing much of their own pain and suffering by blaming others. By not taking responsibility for their part in situations and decisions made they were not learning from their mistakes.
I began to notice that the more they blamed each other and everyone else that the more that they became poor and helpless victims. The more they told their stories of blame the more pathetic they appeared.
In the beginning, I felt empathy and compassion for them. I really felt very bad for them. As time went on, it got really old and I began to resent how they never took responsibility for anything that went wrong in their lives. Especially, when I noticed that they did not learn anything and kept repeating the same mistakes.
I began to notice that as time went on they acted more and more like helpless victims of their circumstances. They did not believe in themselves. Over time they became more and more dependent on others. Their lives were completely out of their control and remained in a state of constant chaos. “When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”-Dr. Robert Anthony
One day I had to wake up and accept that I was just like them. I did not like what I had become. It was a jagged and very bitter pill to swallow but had to be done in order to change. If I wanted control over my life and to make positive changes I had to accept what I had become and commit doing the hard work ahead of me that was necessary. I knew that change would not be easy but that it would be well worth it.
I did not like the person I saw when I looked in the mirror. I was not proud of what I allowed myself to become. I had to choose to stop playing the role of the poor, helpless, victim. I made a commitment to myself to become a pioneer of the future. “Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”-Deepak Chopra
I discovered that when I blamed others that I was giving away my power. By blaming others I was denying my own power. I was attracting more to cast blame for. Instead of building the life that I wanted I was focusing on what was wrong with my life, wasting my time blaming others, and playing the victim. “You are responsible for your own life. “You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on.” –Oprah Winfrey
Blame is just a dead end road because it accomplishes nothing. When we blame others we do not learn what we need to in order to avoid repeating the same mistakes. We become stuck in life because we are not learning and growing. Until we master a lesson the universe is going to keep giving us the same experiences until we get it right. “It’s time to care; it’s time to take responsibility; it’s time to lead; it’s time for a change; it’s time to be true to our greatest self; it’s time to stop blaming others.” ― Steve Maraboli
I woke up and realized that other people saw in me what I saw in that dysfunctional Mother and Son. People grew tired of me constantly complaining and blaming others and began to feel that I was creating my own misery. I was pushing people and opportunities away with my victim mentality. Some people would even prey upon me because I was weak from playing the blame game and the role of a helpless victim.
We attract the energy that we put out into the universe. If we choose to feel sorry for ourselves the universe will send us something to feel sorry for. If we feel like a victim we will be a victim. As long as we play the role of the poor, helpless, victim we are not going to attract better circumstances.
“What I learned at a very early age was that I was responsible for my life. And as I became more spiritually conscious, I learned that we all are responsible for ourselves, that you create your own reality by the way you think and therefore act. You cannot blame your parents, your circumstances, because you are NOT your circumstances. You are your possibilities. If you know that, you can do anything!”-Oprah Winfrey
I have discovered that while I have no control over others that I do have control over myself. I cannot change others but I can change myself. I cannot always control how others treat me but I can control how I react. I can choose to be responsible for my decisions and my destiny.
Since I have chosen to take back my power and quit blaming others I am seeing a positive shift in my life. I no longer feel like a victim or stuck in life. I am by no means perfect. I still catch myself wanting to play the blame game from time to time but I quickly correct my thinking and take responsibility for my share of the blame. I choose to learn from my mistakes.
“An important decision I made was to resist playing the Blame Game. The day I realized that I am in charge of how I will approach problems in my life, that things will turn out better or worse because of me and nobody else, that was the day I knew I would be a happier and healthier person. And that was the day I knew I could truly build a life that matters.” ― Steve Goodier
I have noticed that I now have more time to build a better life for myself since I am not so busy complaining and casting blame upon others. We attract what we think about all day. If we spend our days blaming others we attract more to cast blame for. If we spend our days thinking about what we want to bring into our life then we will attract that. I have discovered that since I chose to quit playing the blame game that I feel empowered. It sure feels good to finally be free of the blame game. As a result, I have a bright and successful future ahead of me!
“I won’t just survive. Oh, you will see me thrive…”-Katy Perry