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The Blessings of Being The Unfavorite Child In The Family, Part 2/2

Updated on February 25, 2013
gmwilliams profile image

With over eight years of writing and researching experience, Grace specializes in debunking commonly held myths about family psychology.

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To My Parents, Well.......I Was Just Not Significant

Many unfavorite children are survivors. They are usually quite undaunted when a negative situation arises. From their childhoods, they realize that there are going to be situations could be described as less than positive; however, one must learn to face and arise above such situations. They further portend that they will never be defeated by any negative situation. They know what they have experienced as children have more than adequately prepared them to face and overcome any negative situation that presents itself.

Many of them have something to prove to the world. Many unfavorite children were relayed messages from their parents that they are nothing and/or would never amount to much. As a result of this negative parental inculcation, many unfavorite children become inordinately successful in their chosen careers, fields, and/or specialities. They reason that since their parents underestimated who they are, they aim to prove their parents wrong. A few more defiantly portend that despite their parents' dismal opinion of their assessments, the former really did not know the depth of their abilities, whether they were creative, intellectual, and/or otherwise.

There are unfavorite children who become highly individualistic, often electing to go their own way. They are of the opinion that their happiness and success were not contingent upon parental acceptance. They contend that since their parents neither valued nor accepted them no matter what they did, they intend to be the best person they can be. They also learn to follow their own drummers so to speak despite so-called disapproval and/or nonacceptable of their individual dreams and goals.

Many unfavorite children develop empathy and sensitivity for others because of their particular status within the family constellation. They see other people in dire situations and can sympathize with their situation. They really know the meaning that one does not know another person's actual situation until he/she walks a mile in another person's shoes.

Other unfavorite children are strong advocates regarding the civil rights of others, especially the oppressed and the underdogs of society. In their own families, they were often the underdogs of their families and oftertimes, experienced negative differential treatment from their parents. As a result of this experience, they portend that no one should ever experience less than positive treatment. They further assert that everyone, regardless of their station in life, is equal and thus should be afforded equal treatment. They assert that there is no respecter of persons and no one person is better than another person.

Unfavorite children learn how to make do in a less than positive situation. They often have develop the resourcefulness and stamina to view a negative situation as not the end all but a way to a more positive one. They are also creative, often knowing how to make lemonade out of lemons. They have learned not to crumble in the face of criticism as they have experience such from their families. They maintain that if they are critiqued, so what. As the popular song in the 1970s stated that one monkey don't stop no show. They apply that same principle to their lives.

Unfavorite children also learn to stand up for themselves and be their own cheer squad as no one else defended them. They realize that in order to get noticed, one cannot stand meekly in a corner. One must realize that in order to be noticed, be respected, and to success in this society, one must positively advertise oneself. Conversely, they are highly assertive when they feel that others are either disrespecting or taking advantage of them. In essence, these unfavorite children are totally fearless when it comes to defending themselves.

Also because parental and/or familial opinion of the unfavorite child is low to nonexistent, many of them feel no ties to their family of origin. Because they feel no ties to their family of origin, they are free to come and go as they wish. They do not have to conform to the family consensus way of doing things. In essence, they are- free to the multillionth degree! Furthermore, they are free to create their own family whether it is blood nor non-blood related. They know that blood relations does not constitute a loving family and that family is defined by love and respect, even it is family by association and friendship instead of blood related.

In conclusion, the topic of being an unfavorite child is an extremely taboo topic which many parents are extremely hesitant to discuss. Even though many portend that they treat all of their children equally, such is not necessary the case. What the parents refuse to acknowledge, their children are the ones who actually know about family politics pertaining to the favoritism game.

Chances are if there is a favorite child in the family, there is also an unfavorite child in the family. Being an unfavorite child in the family sometimes have irrevocable damaging effects such as low self-esteem and feeling powerless. However, there are a myriad of benefits for being an unfavorite child in the family such as being a survivor who is undaunted by negative events in one's life, becoming a highly individualized, self-actualized person who is unconcerned with the so-called disapproval of others, and ultimately learning that you are the navigator in your own life and you must be willing to man/woman up to your own responsibilities as no one is going rescue you or do it for you!

© 2012 Grace Marguerite Williams

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    • profile image

      Wolfcry 

      14 months ago

      I am still suspicious about that but this highly relates to me. I'm impressed.

      There are gut feelings Why i am the unfavored but when i confront them, they left me speechless and my father was sarcastic to me and my mom favoured my dark sibling. Why i say dark is she was jealous,attention craving, passive aggressive etc. But she did not get the punishment about being totally evil. My mom always thinked about her and her interests, i came her mind rarely. This still hurts me. I cried when reading this article and thinked about it they will overbear me,even my tears. I'm Just a mistake to them. They were so cold and harsh,wish i could have the family of my dreams. They turned off the lights in my eyes.

    • profile image

      parisianbeauty22 

      2 years ago

      Wow! I could have written this article! Everything said about being the middle child is exactly what I have been feeling my whole life. My journals are filled with feelings of being inferior to the rest of my family. I have always felt as if my parents didn't care about me like they do the rest of my siblings. I have always been treated differently. Thank you for an article that makes me realize I'm not alone.

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for your comments, please feel free to stop by anytime.

    • profile image

      PN 

      3 years ago

      Thank you ma'am. I am very much enlightened by your article. I have always felt like the outsider in my family. There are feelings which I failed to articulate all throughout these years, but when I read what you've written about the unfavored child, it felt like you said it all for and on my behalf. I am impressed by your understanding of the unfavored child (just wish parents understood it too, but of course, that's next to impossible)

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      You are quite welcome indeed. Again you can use the commentary section to discuss being the unfavored child.

    • profile image

      Impressed 

      3 years ago

      I can certainly respect that. Thank you for the enlightening article.

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      You can discuss this in this commentary section. Sorry, I do not accept personal calls nor letters. However, again, you are quite free to discuss the issue on this commentary page.

    • profile image

      Impressed 

      3 years ago

      Is there a way to get in touch with you? I would love to share some of my experience with you.

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for your commentary.

    • profile image

      Impressed 

      3 years ago

      Very good article. I didn't realize this was a category or that there were others out there that had experienced a similar childhood dynamic. It's like the article was written about me!

    • profile image

      lomina 

      4 years ago

      OMG

      Thanks a lot.

      Now I know why I was acting this way :

      " they are free to come and go as they wish. They do not have to conform to the family consensus way of doing things."

      "unfavorite children are strong advocates regarding the civil rights of others"

      I was acting this way without knowing why , just now I understand the reason.

      every world of this article describes me , things that i didn't know about my self.

      now I know how special I am

      thanks a lot

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