The Boy Teacher and the Father Student; Impeachment

Impeachment is a really cool term/word. In my home I have been impeached so many times. Impeachment for high crimes and misdemeanors. Impeachment on purely political grounds. Once I got impeached for getting the boy late from school. Saying something offensive to my elder children or using non-PC terms is impeachable.

My Gabe and I were laughing too hard about what is peachable. Or is it in peach apple? I am thinking seriously about a peach/apple/molasses/honey/cinnamon/clove/ cumin topping. My Godfather paid me to climb up and pick thempeachables. He paid me less because I ate too many. I think it was a dime for ten. If you have never sat fifteen feet up in an impeachable tree put on that list.

Off we go and life is so cool.

B: Dad I just loaded the laundry.

F: What the heck? Did you turn that damn washer on?

B: Yep, and I put in on “my cycle” and added have soap.

F: Alright then, may I double check? And that is “half” soap you moron hihihi

B: That is what I said.

F: I reckon you took out the garbage too.

B: Yep. And I want to cook an egg for dinner.

F: Boy, I did not ask you to do any of that. What is up?

B: I am going to do dishes tonight. OK?

F: Again I ask you what is up and what game is afoot?

B: Oh nothing.

F: I have my eyes on you, little punk.

B: OK, I want a Gecko for my terrarium. For your chosen day.

F: Wait I do not give YOU presents for my special day.

B: But dad you do not like presents. So I will give one for me.

F: “Chosen Day” is when I was adopted you do not get to usurp that day.

B: Hahaha, I know what “usurp” means. You taught it to me about mom and her deal in the kitchen.

F: Did I tell you today that I hate you?

B: No but that is about chess and who wins because you do not even hate spiders.

F: I still hate you, you moronic idiot, lame brain punk.

B: Too funny.

F: Hey we still have to talk about your scores in school and concentration.

B: I heard you ask the teacher about “attention deficit” something and she said I was just a normal kid.

F: Did I tell you that I don’t like you lately?

B: An hour ago. When I beat you in Nerf Gun war.

Can you imagine writing at your desk for something important and a brat pops in and shoots you in the head with a soft dart? I should have spanked this child more often as a toddler. Alright I have never spanked him. My bad. I looked up “precocious”. That would be like a “C” in the world of Dierker. I am adamant that we do not do well in my home. We wake up sleepy eyed but within one hour we have a plan.

B: Dad, relax let me turn on your show. Here sit in your big chair, you look tired. Let me get you some water with lemon.

F: This is a set up boy.

B: Dad you just need to sit still and do what is best for your heartbeat and all that stuff.

F: Son I know what is up, do I look like an idiot? Do not answer that.

So the boy sets me up. Takes a running start from across the living room and jumps on me. Dang it he is now almost 100 pounds. The blow is crushing.

F: Too much fun boy but let me pause my show. This time I will block you.

B: Dad you are a lazy old man!

F: I know and you are going to attack me again.

B: Get ready old man, here I come.

Now I do not mean to embarrass anyone but the only real rule here is to cover your gonads.

F: Bring it on kid.

B: You are dead meat.

F: Son that one was pretty hard you maybe just might be too big for this game. This time do a flip and roll. I tell you I will kick your butt every time.

B: Dad you told me not to take easy. You said to take it hard or we do not grow. So get ready I am going to take you down this time.

F: Ouch! I think you bruised this old man. Now it is my turn I am going to take you down like a stuck frog.

B: No, No, No dad this is going to hurt too much.

F: Don’t be a sissypants. I am going to cause you pain. What are you doing with that blanket and pillow? You cheater peeter.

And our in house circus goes on.

I have a deal for this morning. Five tough words. “cut” “hurt” “life” “be” “who”. You do the math of how they can be used. Can you use all as nouns, or can you make them adjectives or adverbs? That is how the house of Dierker rocks over breakfast and we laugh too hard.

F: OK boy give me all the conjunctions of live.

B: Life, living, lived, lives? Lived, lives, leaf.

F: Not bad you repeated Lived. And very funny with leaf. You left out one.

B: What?

F: Lifed.

B: That is not a word.

F: Maybe it should be. I have lifed for a long while now.

B: You see dad that is why I get bad grades in vocabulary.

F: But your teacher at our conference said you did not do the testing but you have more words than all of your classmates. And she said that reading poetry was not tested. What the heck is that? Alright do like mom says and get do what they want.

B: Does that make you sad daddy?

F: No son, conformity is a fact of life. Learn that first. It is easy. It takes no effort and you work too hard. Do the easy stuff. And kick their ass. You know like 188 times 3. Do that first.

B: I do not want to do that.

F: Just get it done son. It only takes you about 1 hour a day. And then school. Remember you are half Asian. And they all get great grades.

B: That is so funny. It makes me laugh. What do say? stair a tipes?

F: Fine boy. It is crazy. You know how they look at me like your grandfather. You know that not one dad picking up his child has a doctorate like me. We just laugh and are never ashamed of who we are.

B: Dad, but still.

F: Check it out, your mom looks like she is 30 yet she is much older, so what is that about?

B: I get it but it is hard to deal with what my friends say.

F: Right on kid.

So Dierkers are not normal. And I lay down at night and pray God to never let me be normal. And I will not let my son be normal. We do not do “well”. Every Sunday has to be better than the last. But we will never “work” at that, it must be an is.

Tomorrow can we do better than today? Damn right we can, until our last dying breath, and then maybe we get an even better Sunday.