The Choices In Life: Are They Preprogrammed Into Our Belief Of One's Abilities?

The Choices In Life: My question is this; is it through our conditioning or is it through the realization via psychotherapy what our abilities to sustain and survive in this lifetime shape our choices in occupation, lifestyle and relationships? Is this all psychobabble or just a lame attempt to analyze one's way in our present life circumstances? Where is this going? Let us see where this is taking us. Security and success as we were raised to believe reflects one's knowledge of mathematics and science. Where does the artistic and creative non-conformist fit in? My personal belief is that my childhood was an influence in my life and life choices but there is the alternative that it can be altered. Let us explore the alternative whether or not the explorer (meaning you and me) finds it to be easy or difficult.

You may find yourself in a group therapy session searching for the "holy grail". If you are in the habit of doing this, you will never find the holy grail, utopia or panacea. It will not be given to you on a silver platter. Psychotherapy does not function that way. What it takes is effort, work and the determination to work towards change. In Cognitive (Thoughts) Behavioral (Actions) Therapy the group's participants are taught and given instruction on how to alter their ways of thinking and feeling by using their reasoning. One of the methods being taught is the ABCD Method. This method can be used in anger management and depression and anxiety groups. Here is how it goes:

• A. Activating Event (What has happened?)
• B. Belief About What Happened (What did you tell yourself about the event that influenced your reaction?)
• C. Consequence (What was your reaction?)
• D. Disputing The Belief (Alternate thoughts that would assist you in determining the correct action.)

If this appears confusing then try the 3 C's

• Catch It (Catch those automatic thinking processes.)
• Challenge It (Is my thinking accurate?)
• Correct It (Correct the thought to make it more accurate.)

In other words analyze the activating thoughts to discover what really happened and do not jump to conclusions.

The late Stuart Wilde would refer to this individual or nonconformist as a "fringe dweller". My interpretation of the meaning of fringe dweller speculates on a depiction of a person who does not conform to what our civilization views as the norm. In these words an individual who is on the fringe of society. Stuart Wilde was an interesting man who changed his life around from having a prospering jeans business (he became unhappy with having plenty of money and the trappings of its lifestyle) to becoming a lecturer and I might add "guru" on the subject of Taoism and applying its philosophy to daily life.

How Or How To Make The Right Life Choices: This is a simple question with a challenging answer. Self improvement, I understand, is not always easy. as I mentioned before it requires the desire to change, the commitment to change and, last but not least, the actual carrying out of the change. Think of it as beneficial, considering a positive outlook on the change. Experience the reality side of life while peering through the stained glass window of a positive attitude. Need inspiration? Just contact your inner Muse and he or she will guide you towards your goal. if that previous sentence did not make any sense to you then employ your motivational side. Either way let us get this change in motion.

A Rule Of Thumb: As a reminder, keep your goal simple and take small steps. Do not be too harsh or too hard on yourself. Keep in mind that no one is perfect. Setbacks now and then will occur. Stay on the path, remember to take baby steps and you shall achieve you goal. Remember the old saying, "Rome wasn't built in a day"!

During the process of attaining your goal, always set aside time to stretch, relax and meditate. Discover ways to relax in order to keep your creative side unblocked. You may want to start journal writing or pursue doodling. Either way is fine.

Writing poetry can take the mind off of past and present stressors. Here is a sampling of my personal writing which alters my mood entirely.

Cherish A Memory

Behold cherish a memory

In it you shall find

The secret grapevine

In the garden

A treasure born from a gold mine

Next to the house

In need of paint

Stands a young girl

An innocent young saint

No smile on her face

A natural pose

No telltale trace

Of a scent called Rose.

As I sit here listening to the pitter patter of the gentle rain falling upon the grass and the trees, a memory is born within me and arises to calm my five senses. Even though I am in a protective shelter called home, the sound of the rain feels as if her gentle hands had massaged my tense muscles, giving them sense of feeling relaxed. Visualization calms the mind and also has the ability to evoke a sensation of physical relaxation. Compare it to an actual massage and experience its results. The term to coin this feeling is named as I stated before but I shall repeat it again; it is "visualization" and it is not attained by artificial or destructive means. Here is another way; get some baby oil and start off by gently massaging your tired feet with it. Permit yourself to relax and in no time a pleasant feeling of relaxation overcomes you. This practice can be used in your general day to day practice of self grooming.

Take good care of yourself and your self will give thanks in return.