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The Female Midlife Crisis

Updated on January 8, 2014
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Natasha Pelati has published three books of poetry and writes on real-life experiences with the help of psychology.

The fear of getting older and losing your youth
The fear of getting older and losing your youth

The Femme Crisis

We have all heard about men and the midlife crisis which happens in the forties but women also go through something similar and it can alter there lives completely.

A midlife crisis can happen in the early forties for men and for women it starts in the thirties. I am not talking about menopause but a midlife crisis. happens to women too! They say it is at the age of 44 for women but it does happen way before then at as early as the late thirties for some.

Not everyone experiences it but for many women it is a case of marrying the high school sweetheart, forgetting about a career and becoming a stay at home mom, that leads to the outburst and the feeling of having achieved nothing whilst watching your youth go by.

It can also occur after having a successful career which they have suddenly lost, stress or an emotionally damaging experience.

Women who have concentrated on career and have not had the opportunity to marry and have a family, have also been through crisis mode.

For many it is due to the fact that they have not experienced much other than relationships or career. For those that have been in relationships where there was not much excitement or adventure, suddenly realise that forty is near and the hopes and dreams that they had not so long ago, are hopeless and out of reach.

Housewives can often feel neglected
Housewives can often feel neglected
A married woman's best
A married woman's best

Female Midlife Crisis

It is called a midlife crisis but it can happen at any age with any gender.

Boredom, lack of attention, loneliness, depression and anxiety can cause the midlife crisis.

Many women, although not as obsessed with youth as men, can become overwhelmed by the sudden changes in their appearance. For women who have had kids or sudden weight changes, finding that dieting is a lot harder after thirty is a definite trigger for some. Others are not disturbed by the changes in their bodies but by the lack of satisfaction in their lives.

Drinking too much, changing jobs or partners often or having a long term partner that does not satisfy your emotional needs, can trigger a crisis.

Divorce, illness, empty nest, the loss of a job or the loss of a baby can switch you on to crisis mode.

Harsh realities of adult life is faced once you have reached your late thirties as you realise that your hopes and dreams have been replaced with responsibility and lack of meaning. Isolation can cause women to go into crisis mode, especially when they are out of work and working at home with kids that keep them busy and a husband that forgets that they are there.

The realisation of "happily ever after," might not actually exist.

Have you had a femme crisis and what was your approach?

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Are you a desperate housewife?
Are you a desperate housewife?

Have you experienced a crisis?

Have you felt as though you have lost your youth and wasted all of your time trying to impress your husband and family, who have not shown any respect or appreciation for your efforts? Have you been neglected and felt isolated so much so, that you have looked for attention from others elsewhere?

Many women have gone through crisis mode because they have concentrated on relationships or careers with no room for fun and adventure. For many, they have married or dated men who have been divorced and have had kids with someone else, which has left them unmarried, childless and for many, jobless. The huge responsibility of taking care of a family or the fear of never having the opportunity to marry, honeymoon and have kids can also be a reason to "go off the rails."

I am certain that many women have been through this way before they even get to menopause which is something that your partner will not understand either, if you have come to experience the femme crisis alone.

Female Crisis Mode

  1. The lack of attention from friends or a spouse
  2. Stress from a miscarriage or the loss of a job can cause a crisis
  3. Relationship issues
  4. Neglect at home or being a housewife
  5. Getting tied down at a young age without experiencing life as a single woman
  6. Dating an older man who has settled with no future for you
  7. Having a baby at an early age with too much responsibility

These are many of the reasons for women to go into crisis mode, regardless of age or gender.

Why Do Women Have a Midlife Crisis?

Women at some stage of their lives begin to feel as though they are defined by their spouses or society and the person that they see in the mirror is not the person that they planned to be once.

With all the ideals of a perfect life, career, marriage, travel and children not falling into place could cause a woman to have a crisis and desire to change her life completely.

For some it is going to the extreme by changing their appearance drastically, making a defining career move or just going completely wild and out of character.

Letting go of responsibility and all obligations is a glorious concept but for women, who are the naturally responsible adults, they do not get to go very far.

A crisis for a woman is to drastically make a change after a very stressful time that occurs in their lives. Although they do warn their spouses, it often falls on ignorant ears and the female midlife crisis begins!

Find Some Serenity

Thai Chi

Get on with Life

Everyone needs to know that life is short and opportunities can be missed in the blink of an eye. If you want to travel, save up and travel.

Planning a baby, do it already!

Marriage - finding the right guy is not easy but once you have found him, get him to propose.

Career - it is never too late to learn, to work or to move up in the world.

Be positive, make your wish list and get on with life because it is not waiting for the time that you are ready, it is happening now!

Longevity is how you see life
Longevity is how you see life

How to Cope in a female midlife crisis

It is easy to understand that your body is changing, you suddenly find laugh lines that were not there yesterday and your once perky chest has suddenly lost it's zest. The guys are passing you by and looking over your shoulder to spot the younger girls walking behind you, your children and spouse do not appreciate you and you have become best friends with your bottle of wine.

For others career loss has happened and you find yourself alone, lonely, unmarried and childless, while others are in relationships but are alone and feel neglected.

For many women miscarriage is the button to push for a crisis as they feel the loss and the stress of time running out.

Coping with change is easier for women than it is for men but we also suffer the same emotions and we also feel as though life is on a timer, running out.

The trick to gaining back control of your life is to take it easy, take it one day at a time and plan for the things that you would like to do.

If you have been a stay at home mom and you would like to go back to work....then do it! Find out what you need to do to get back into the working world and go for it.

Relstionships that you feel stuck in, can be changed by either explaining to your partner how you feel and let him understand that you need a change, that you feel lonely and uninspired and if he cannot help you get the spark back, then you will be moving on.

For women who are married and bored...communicate with your partner and the challenge is to tell him what you want and when not maybe or we should.

Women who have lossed a child through miscarriage must not feel that their chances are over because you have reached a certain age because in this day and age 40 is the new 30, so you have time to start a family and many times to try.

Get your act together and live your life and there is no excuse for not doing the things that you have always wanted to do....within reason.

Life is meant to be lived to the fullest, take care of your body, your health, use sunscreen and avoid alcohol to keep your youthful features and the secret to longevity is to think young, have fun and let go of anything that brings you down.


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