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The Guide to Self-Pity

Updated on February 13, 2012

We have all been taught that self-pity is bad. We are not suppose to feel sorry for ourselves and we are always suppose to count our blessings. I'm here to say, "it's ok, feel sorry for yourself", but with some limitations. I have my own guide that I follow and thought maybe it would help others.

We live in a very hard world these days, with most of us facing many problems. We have so many things to worry about, situations to solve, fears to overcome or learn to live with, so many demands on us and it takes its toll on us physically, but more importantly, emotionally.

Then there are those things that happen that just aren't fair. The most horrible person you know has an incredible streak of luck or someone who is a wonderful, giving human being dies suddenly. It happens and we feel resentment and anger. In some way, something has happened to you that you just can't swallow, something so unfair you want to choke on it. You wonder why bad things happen to good people and good things to bad people. It just doesn't make sense and it can lead to a bout of self-pity.

I think we make way too much out of criticizing what is considered wrong feelings. We are only human, it's as simple as that. We are going to get angry, jealous, resentful, mean many emotions over the events that make up our lives. I think that's alright. We need to recognize these feelings, give them some attention and move on. Most of all, we need to not feel guilty about them. Below is my guide just for self-pity, but can apply to almost any "negative" emotion.


Ok, something happened and you start feeling sorry for yourself. The first thing you need to do is to stop fighting it...give in to it. Go somewhere you can be alone and go ahead and have a huge pity party for yourself. It's best if you can be somewhere you can not be heard, so you can rant and rave out loud. Vocalize all the reasons why this is so unfair to you. Why you have every right to feel sorry for yourself. Say whatever comes to mind and really let go.


While this doesn't have to be exact, I limit myself to about a half an hour of this. You can even set a timer if you want, but most of the time, you will probably get over it by then anyway. Any longer than this and it becomes too overpowering, which is not going to help. When we let our emotions out, we feel better and it calms us. It's only when we try to hold it all in that it hurts us. It's like having a good cry. We feel so much better afterwards. The same is true for the self-pity rant and rave. It will calm you and release you from those feelings.


After your pity party, you are not allowed to feel guilty about it. You don't have to feel you did something wrong or that you are a lesser person for feeling like you do. You don't have to feel shame or that you are somehow a bad person. This is a guilt free practice that should be looked at as a form of therapy. You have a right to feel what you feel and you just honored those emotions and dealt with them. Good for you!


The last thing to do is to "count your blessings." Just realize that although unfair things happen to you, good things happen too. This is the point where you try to let go and move on. That's not to say that your resentment or anger won't pop up again at times over the same situation, but you will probably be able to dismiss it quicker. If nothing else, believe in karma. Whoever you're mad at will have unfair things happen to them too. This can sometimes work wonders to make you feel better, which again is ok to feel and only human nature to feel.

This is my guide for myself to self-pity. I hope it helps someone else because I truly believe we need to face our emotions and get them out, in constructive ways of course, and it will help us not only emotionally, but keep us healthier too. So, go ahead and have a pity's ok.


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