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The How To of Internal Negotiations and the Art

Updated on September 12, 2019
Ericdierker profile image

I like to come at things from a different angle. Usually if we take some words and apply them to ourselves we can then apply to the world.

Mt. Wilson

Negotiating the climb here is tough.
Negotiating the climb here is tough. | Source

The Best Deal? Best for Both?

It is a marvelous thing to watch real negotiations. It is even better to be in the negotiations. Negotiations are not for the faint of heart. Is Trump in the top 10 of the world as a negotiator? Hate him or love him he is for sure. The best of the best people in this whole world win those ones that are internal.

We are referring to the best in every walk of life. And the best might apply to a mom/housewife. We are talking about billions of people. The “successful”; people in this world win the negotiation. And the finest of those winners are people who have won the conflict within themselves.

Trepidation, lack of confidence, too many questions, just downright fear can prevent us from being who we are really meant to be and are capable of being if we win the internal negotiations. “Should I”, “Could I”, “Would I” “Will I”?

Yes all those must be negotiated. A question is asked and the answer is at first flippant and positive. But then you get down to “would I?”

The preliminary should I requires a breakdown of “what are the terms?” Specifically what is it that I should I do. This is critical and will require some argument on exactly what it is you should do. For instance, I should start writing again – are we talking of a genre, poetry, a book or articles or in your journal. Perhaps this is the sales portion also. We ask, what will the cost be and this includes, financial, time, emotional and relationships. A misjudgment on cost can ruin the deal down the road for inability to perform you internal contract.

Just Nice


Ability to perform your negotiated terms and costs. The big “Could I”? The first easy place to walk away from negotiations. No is your response. Which of the terms are your excuses for not doing do it. If you want the deal you go back and rework the terms. Here are where the excuses come in. I can’t do that so forget the whole deal. That is where internal resistance is the devil.

I always wanted to write poetry again. I knew exactly the terms and that only a limited amount would ever reach another eye. And that I would try different types and seek advice. This I could do. If the terms were to publish one a week the whole deal was off. I would have to go back and negotiations would ensue. Before my contract was too stringent so I put it off.

Here is where the big P for procrastination comes in. “Would I”. The way we had negotiated the terms the concept of fear was gone. Private and who cares. Good enough and publish. The impediment to fulfilling my terms was basically gone. Now is where the intangible came in. Creative ideas. Again I suffered resistance. Before I even started I had writers block. I had to come up with a solution in order to meet the negotiated terms.

Favorite Spot

Boy do you to negotiate with yourself about this hike.
Boy do you to negotiate with yourself about this hike. | Source


Figure Out A Way

That part was actually quite easy once I figured out that I had made a commitment and had negotiated in faith and had reasonable terms to the contract with myself. Here there was no cost, not issue with relationships – etc. etc.. The answer was simple. Read poetry. And then just write. Internal conflict just faded away by putting one foot in front of the other as a result of my contract. (some folks actually do a written contract with themselves)

Ups and Downs

It would seem that we can all be fierce negotiators. And with ourselves we should be. This is borrowed from modern psychology regarding health of mind and emotions.

Self-talk is a big deal. Now let us take the bi-polar. When she is depressed the talk usually goes like this “I am so bad I will never get out of this rut – I cannot do anything.” “I just can’t get out of this chair”. Think about it. That is basically what depression is all about. We speak of a condition and not about due to something like a death. It is a horrible condition. However with much therapy they have curbed the suicide rate and helped people at the very least get out of personal loathing. Positive self-talk.

The best cure they have is re-teaching that thought pattern. Practice, practice therapy and constant vigilance from others – of course the loving kind and sure as hell not tough love. Well I will be, that is our negotiations. Let us get some terms down I can meet. Re-negotiation is expected. Terms I can handle. And some desire – any desire and I can create that desire by admitting I can do it. I think that is cool.

So the other side is the manic side. Bring it on! The manic can do anything. Lofty goals, can do attitude. That may be a problem on the negotiating terms that are realistic. Doomed for failure too often. But once again, re-negotiation is feasible and do-able. You simply have to recognize the likely breach of the contract and redo the terms. In contracts there are always terms to where if a force out of your control prevents performance of the terms. Quite literally they call it an excuse. So back to negotiations we go with not penalty for breach.

You Decide

Easy Does It

So back to our art. For sure everyone has heard of the novelist or even starving actress getting a job waiting tables to survive until their hard work and dedication pays off. Resolve keep your promises in the terms is critical. Blowing them of is bad just plain bad. Not like a New’s Resolution.

Now it is important that we realize that negotiations entail the future. You cannot make a contract to do what you have done. Fraud is another issue. If you keep lying to yourself you have penalties.

We believe we have a student loan crisis here in America. Reading the statistics I am not clear on that. But it kind of seems like a tax and we all know that the more you leave in someone’s pocket the more they will spend. Most loans are not negotiable. They are called adhesion contracts – take it or leave it but if you want a phone, well then.

However private personal loans are negotiable. Interest rates, traunches, performance based or just plain friendly. Consider yourself a friend but write up a contract for the money so there is no hard feelings.

Of course we use all this hardline stuff. But there is one clear rule in life. You must love yourself before you can love someone or something else. So the negotiations must be undertaken in love for it will form the basis for the art. And if you do not love the goal of the contract back out of negotiations.

Let us end on this note. I have negotiated for others for over forty years in many capacities and many lands for many reasons. And this might bring you giggle. Negotiations are an art form for me. I love to do them.


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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      12 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hi Sherry, I just got trashed by legal, hung up by accounting and given the "got for it" by executive. Techies are still sitting back.

      And now deal with unions, Paris, New York and Saigon. I reckon they need us. And do not forget rumors. "Dierker you robbed them of two times you could have robbed them four times" Get it together or get lost.

    • Sherry H profile image

      Sherry Haynes 

      12 months ago

      I am glad I read this article. I am a full-mode negotiator. I do whatever I can when there's time. Sitting back is not my thing. I have a friend who needs to read this. Ohh how I wish she read this.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I bet your an awesome negotiator with your children. I was negotiating with a Tuna Fish Salad recipe just the other day and thought of you. It did get a little confrontational. I won and a pinch of oregano worked nicely to both of our surprise.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 

      13 months ago from Washington State, USA

      Eric, I'm not a fighter and definitely not one to be confrontational. I'd rather crawl off in a corner. UNLESS someone hurts one of my kids. Then I go full-on mama bear.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Denise it is a strange deal; I can negotiate for others but poorly for myself, and I can sell something but not myself. (An esteem problem? ;-)

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image

      Denise McGill 

      13 months ago from Fresno CA

      I've never been much of a negotiator. I usually just give in and take what is offered to me. It takes a lot out of me to fight for something and I never expect to win.



    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Flourish. But I hate to break it to you but bringing a cute little girl to negotiations is an old trick. LoL Especially letting them run around unchecked is such a distraction to another....

      And thank you again for reminding me to start teaching my son formally.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      13 months ago from USA

      Thanks for sharing your experience with negotiating. My father taught me how to negotiate and I watched him by example for years. At some point I became his accomplice when he went to negotiate for the occasional new car. His job included negotiating.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Dora - here is fun, I just got back in from negotiating for 2 hours about me negotiating for them. (shssh - don't tell them I would do it for half the price- cuz I love it)

      We negotiated in our home about the boy getting new shoes when his are perfectly fine - style? Points were made but boss lady decides, son was part of it. He will cajole her in the end.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      13 months ago from The Caribbean

      Eric, thanks for sharing your expertise on this topic. The thought of having to negotiate on some matters can be scary, but you gave us the appropriate mindset that can be helpful. Thanks!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Welcome Sunshine and thank you.

    • Shing Araya profile image

      Shing Araya 

      13 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Good ideas, thanks for solving my problem. Very informative article.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I here you Bill. But sometimes I get it right

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      13 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I negotiate with myself on a daily basis. Let me tell ya, it can be exhausting. :)

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you much Elijah. You give me a real boost. When I was cutting my teeth on the internet bandwidth was a real problem for most of the world 1998 or so. Also English was not near as normal as now. Translations required. So communication had to be real short and sweet when dealing with India for instance.

      Look at us now we can use full and complete sentences and wax eloquent.

    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 

      13 months ago from Washington DC

      A most responsible read, old buddy, you laid it on the line like a negotiator should, without attachment nor rejection based on the desired outcome. I try to do that in my writings but some people feel I'm being bossy. Oh, well, what can I say except "boy, if I could say what I be working to get across like that I would not have so many people saying I'm a dictator."

      Thanks for it, you hit the nail squarely on the head and drove it all the way in with one lick."

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori I taught my 3 elder children to reason and not whine. whining shows weakness. Of course they whined about my lectures. I know just what you mean about exhausting.

      Lori I would have gone on too long here about writing. Maybe part two.

      It struck me that my words are like the Union and I am the company and we are constantly negotiating. Proper grammar seldom wins.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Pamela, I just love it. But almost never do it with someone I love. It is not fair LoL. My wife comes from a place where even here in US the negotiate for things like veggies Chicken and fish - at first it embarrassed me - But the shopkeepers always seem to like it.

      Just now I was negotiating with myself about how much fun I would get to do if I mopped first.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      John I rarely negotiate with my little lady. I will question and if she is adamant.... My boy loves to negotiate with his old man. We have a blast. Trouble there is that we both have to do what we have to do most the time.

      I will take one month to prepare for negotiations on two contracts. And the negotiations will only last a few hours.

      I just agreed that I was not ready to start compiling the two books.... what kind of cop out is that :-)

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Mary it is a walk away to me if someone is antagonistic or angry. No point it. things just don't work out right. With that said I have gotten all angry just to kill a deal.

      Getting angry with myself also kills the deal ;-)

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      13 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      Don't look at me. I spent 25 years trying to negotiate with a wrathful husband and four kids. I'm plum wore out. Just kidding...sort of. I am exhausted today so I can't think straight but this was a good piece. You write great poetry by the way. I like that you said you read it then write it. I think reading is one of the biggest ways we learn to write in the first place.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      13 months ago from Sunny Florida

      Negotiations can be tough sometimes. I think you may be a better negotiator than I am. It is an art form, but I agree that it is a successful art form.

      I am not the best negotiator, but I have no complaints anyway. I appreciate this article and your view on negotiation. Very interesting!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      13 months ago from Queensland Australia

      I agree with Mary. I am one tough negotiator when it comes to myself, boy do I put up one hell of a fight trying to convince myself something is not a good idea. Sometimes I have to kick my own butt to see sense lol. I think my wife may agree I can be a tough negotiator too, though she has ways and means to get around it...and usually ends up getting her way in the end. I still procrastinate over writing my own books. Lot’s of negotiating taking place there at the moment.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      13 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      Often negotiations are entered into to win and not with love. Often, it takes place when antagonism is at its height. Negotiation with one's self is tricky. I can easily fool myself when in this situation.


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