The How To of Internal Negotiations and the Art

It is a marvelous thing to watch real negotiations. It is even better to be in the negotiations. Negotiations are not for the faint of heart. Is Trump in the top 10 of the world as a negotiator? Hate him or love him he is for sure. The best of the best people in this whole world win those ones that are internal.

We are referring to the best in every walk of life. And the best might apply to a mom/housewife. We are talking about billions of people. The “successful”; people in this world win the negotiation. And the finest of those winners are people who have won the conflict within themselves.

Trepidation, lack of confidence, too many questions, just downright fear can prevent us from being who we are really meant to be and are capable of being if we win the internal negotiations. “Should I”, “Could I”, “Would I” “Will I”?

Yes all those must be negotiated. A question is asked and the answer is at first flippant and positive. But then you get down to “would I?”

The preliminary should I requires a breakdown of “what are the terms?” Specifically what is it that I should I do. This is critical and will require some argument on exactly what it is you should do. For instance, I should start writing again – are we talking of a genre, poetry, a book or articles or in your journal. Perhaps this is the sales portion also. We ask, what will the cost be and this includes, financial, time, emotional and relationships. A misjudgment on cost can ruin the deal down the road for inability to perform you internal contract.

Ability to perform your negotiated terms and costs. The big “Could I”? The first easy place to walk away from negotiations. No is your response. Which of the terms are your excuses for not doing do it. If you want the deal you go back and rework the terms. Here are where the excuses come in. I can’t do that so forget the whole deal. That is where internal resistance is the devil.

I always wanted to write poetry again. I knew exactly the terms and that only a limited amount would ever reach another eye. And that I would try different types and seek advice. This I could do. If the terms were to publish one a week the whole deal was off. I would have to go back and negotiations would ensue. Before my contract was too stringent so I put it off.

Here is where the big P for procrastination comes in. “Would I”. The way we had negotiated the terms the concept of fear was gone. Private and who cares. Good enough and publish. The impediment to fulfilling my terms was basically gone. Now is where the intangible came in. Creative ideas. Again I suffered resistance. Before I even started I had writers block. I had to come up with a solution in order to meet the negotiated terms.

That part was actually quite easy once I figured out that I had made a commitment and had negotiated in faith and had reasonable terms to the contract with myself. Here there was no cost, not issue with relationships – etc. etc.. The answer was simple. Read poetry. And then just write. Internal conflict just faded away by putting one foot in front of the other as a result of my contract. (some folks actually do a written contract with themselves)

It would seem that we can all be fierce negotiators. And with ourselves we should be. This is borrowed from modern psychology regarding health of mind and emotions.

Self-talk is a big deal. Now let us take the bi-polar. When she is depressed the talk usually goes like this “I am so bad I will never get out of this rut – I cannot do anything.” “I just can’t get out of this chair”. Think about it. That is basically what depression is all about. We speak of a condition and not about due to something like a death. It is a horrible condition. However with much therapy they have curbed the suicide rate and helped people at the very least get out of personal loathing. Positive self-talk.

The best cure they have is re-teaching that thought pattern. Practice, practice therapy and constant vigilance from others – of course the loving kind and sure as hell not tough love. Well I will be, that is our negotiations. Let us get some terms down I can meet. Re-negotiation is expected. Terms I can handle. And some desire – any desire and I can create that desire by admitting I can do it. I think that is cool.

So the other side is the manic side. Bring it on! The manic can do anything. Lofty goals, can do attitude. That may be a problem on the negotiating terms that are realistic. Doomed for failure too often. But once again, re-negotiation is feasible and do-able. You simply have to recognize the likely breach of the contract and redo the terms. In contracts there are always terms to where if a force out of your control prevents performance of the terms. Quite literally they call it an excuse. So back to negotiations we go with not penalty for breach.

So back to our art. For sure everyone has heard of the novelist or even starving actress getting a job waiting tables to survive until their hard work and dedication pays off. Resolve keep your promises in the terms is critical. Blowing them of is bad just plain bad. Not like a New’s Resolution.

Now it is important that we realize that negotiations entail the future. You cannot make a contract to do what you have done. Fraud is another issue. If you keep lying to yourself you have penalties.

We believe we have a student loan crisis here in America. Reading the statistics I am not clear on that. But it kind of seems like a tax and we all know that the more you leave in someone’s pocket the more they will spend. Most loans are not negotiable. They are called adhesion contracts – take it or leave it but if you want a phone, well then.

However private personal loans are negotiable. Interest rates, traunches, performance based or just plain friendly. Consider yourself a friend but write up a contract for the money so there is no hard feelings.

Of course we use all this hardline stuff. But there is one clear rule in life. You must love yourself before you can love someone or something else. So the negotiations must be undertaken in love for it will form the basis for the art. And if you do not love the goal of the contract back out of negotiations.

Let us end on this note. I have negotiated for others for over forty years in many capacities and many lands for many reasons. And this might bring you giggle. Negotiations are an art form for me. I love to do them.