The Human Design

Whatever or whoever it was that designed the human, had to have been at the very least, a sadist. Now the human design isn’t all that bad, it’s just that there were a few flaws, for both man and woman. Well I call them flaws.

For instance, women have to go through that monthly cycle, and as if that isn’t bad enough, just the process makes the female species turn into raving lunatics, one minute it’s all fine, the next, the male just may have a fork protruding from his neck… and for no apparent reason, other than he was within stabbing or throwing distance.

Now although the female thinks men are stupid, we aren’t that stupid to go poking the “bear” with a stick. Most times we keep a fair distance during those trying times. Even so, accidents… and untimely deaths due occur.

Other than that one “little” flaw, I kind of like the human design when it comes to female design… bumps and all! Oh, speaking of “bumps” did you know that doctors try to iron them when checking for any bumps within those bumps? They call this a mammogram, if I was female, I’d call it some kind of sadistic torture, even if it is necessary now and then! Day-um, that must hurt!

Men, for the most part have been lucky when it comes to the human design. We have been designed fairly well, as we don’t have many of the monthly upkeep’s as women do. Although as we age, the “innards' ' design breaks down and can cause some trouble. Oh,before I move on, the only outer design flaw I can truly think of, as we men age, is that quite often our stomachs protrude further than our little willies do, or as I call it, we become members of the dicky-do club. Yup, our bellies stick out further than our dicky do!

I’d have thought whoever it was that designed us, would have installed a string attachment for when we got older. I personally use the “pepper method”. I keep a little pepper shaker and tweezers with me at all times. When I have to go, I sprinkle some pepper on the little willie, when he sneezes, I grab him with the tweezers!

Now the innards design, well, take for instance the prostate. What the hell were whoever it was, thinking. Apparently this little bugger grows bigger as we get older, causing all kinds of problems. It seems the prostate likes to send out semi false alarms as we sleep, telling us we have to pee. So off we trudge to the bathroom in the middle of the night, leaving lights off, cause we don’t feel like fully waking up at 3 in the morning.

We stand with “willie in hand,” and it’s like a bad fireworks show. Never knowing when it is going to begin, then oohs and aahs, than a small squirt, and we are left wondering if it’s all over.

Sometimes this little bugger falls ill, and when that happens, it isn’t good for us males. This is one of the major flaws in human design pertaining to men. One can only hope he stays healthy, even if he does make us pee or at least want to, when we really don’t want to, or even have to. So good old doc has to finger our poor asses to check on this little nuisance. Yup, it’s bend over and cough time.

Just so you know, the doctor doesn’t enjoy this anymore than you do, contrary to what rumors you may have heard. he’d much rather be doing anything other than this.

While he’s checking the old prostate out, he casually asks, “So, how’s the old colon?” SOB. This is when he decides he is going to have shove a flag pole up there with a camera attached. Some may call this fun, me, I call it a pain in the ass. Yes gents, it’s colonoscopy time

Before this little adventure, they give you something much like an atom bomb, to flush out your system, so they can get a better “picture” of the inside, heaven forbid you aren’t near a toilet when that stuff kicks in. At the very least, you may want to keep a knapsack with you containing a change of clothes.

All us men, for some reason, see ourselves as the hero, the alpha, the one in charge. Boy, can that get you in trouble fast. I’m sure many men have been saved by their significant others by “reminding” their mates just how good of shape they are actually in. No man wants to look like a weakling, but no man wants to spend time in intensive care for being or doing something totally stupid either!

• One, woman go bat shit crazy during that time of month. Men, be very careful when approaching the menstruating female. I suggest a bullet proof vest, and a helmet at the very least. Remember to try and be nice, for all the good it will do you.

• Two, Ladies, I know it pains you, but take care of the boobies. They look nice, and they are fun to play with, ask any man.

• Three, Men do not feel the need to have sticks and cameras shoved up their ass! That isn’t a smile on their face, it’s a cringe to keep the tears away!

Have you ever been told you will have to make do with what you have? Well it’s true. We were given one body, we have to take care of that body, because it’s the only one we are given, and just like anything else, it has all sorts of working parts, and if they are broken, we have to fix them. It isn’t always easy fixing us, sometimes we have to go to the shop for an overhaul. just think, if we could fix ourselves the money we’d save! Unfortunately we can’t always be fixed. Until that time comes along, we have to make do with what we have!