Holistic Health - The Subjectivity of Pain

Came back to listen to the beautiful music video. What a great message in the music and the words you've written here. Love.

Dear Maria,

Returned to this insightful and compassionate hub looking for ways to help a very dear friend who has been coping with debilitating pain. My friend is an amazing woman, strong and wise, and I know she will get through this, but I want to be as supportive as possible. It is hard to know someone we love dearly is in pain-the desire to want to lift their pain is strong but no matter how strong that desire is the truth of the matter is what you said here:

"While loved ones, even strangers, can offer sincere empathy and compassion, not one person is able to lift that pain by their mere presence."

That said, I believe the 3 things you suggested are the best strategies for helping a friend who is in pain:

Creative involvement that tailors our strategy for support to our loved one's preferences; intensity based on our availablity and our loved one's tolerance; and unconditional love offering nonjudgment.

Thanks for the guidance. You are a treasure.

Sending a Bouquet of Hugs & Love,

Gail

Maria, this is so fantastic, thank you for writing this. It is great and so true. You are such an insipration to others, especially to me.

We all need the healing that comes the the connection of Mind-Body and Spirit.

Thumbs up, UABI and shared and pinned to Amazing HubPages.

Blessings and Hugs

Love Shyron

It is so true that everyone's path is different when suffering from any kind of pain and that there is no one right way to approach it but must be dealt with on an individual basis...and in the person's own timing. It takes an empathetic and caring person to reach out to those in pain and you are certainly one such person who understands and can teach others about this subject in a most effective way. Blessings to you for writing this and to everyone suffering any kind of pain. Giving this a tweet!

This is an excellent hub about pain, and I am another who has been shaped by different types of pain over the years. I also beieve that mind, body and spirit are connected.

I found I am stronger than I thought for one thing. We are all unique in the way we handle pain, but I think those painful situations are always a learning experience. Awesome hub.

In my opinion time does heal wounds. Memories remain. They shape us into the person we become :)

This is why we all love our Miss Maria. She shares her wonderful wisdom with us in such a realistic and loving way.......This very interesting hub is an example of learning something very vital with ease and comfort.

I thank you girlfriend for this fascinating read...and most of all, for being you! UP+++ pinned & tweeted.

Maria - This is a very insightful and valuable hub. The various types of pain are not only experienced in an individual manner, but one's personal pain threshold may alter with the passage of time. What we could once push through in order to function may become an obstacle we're unable to budge, no matter how strong the desire is to overcome it.

Your nursing students are indeed fortunate to have a teacher who understands the link between body, mind and spirit, and is able to impart that knowledge to them. We need professional health caregivers who understand the holistic nature of pain and are able to react with that in mind.

Voted Up+++ and shared

Jaye

Well written! I am a true believer in holistic health and the fact that we have to know that our mind, body, and spirit are all connected. It is so hard to be a part of a society that pushes us to separate everything. I have many experiences when something with anxiety or stress causes true physical pain or problems. Others do not believe that an emotional thing can be that powerful. It's not until they go through it themselves.

I enjoyed reading this! Thanks for sharing!

i really believe pain is subjective. This explains why some individuals are able to handle more than others. Additionally, there is a correlation between your mental status and pain. Whether the pain is emotionally, physically or spiritually.

Generally if one of these is experienced the likelihood of another making its way to you is increased substantially.

thank you for sharing great material with your fellow hubbers.

Everyone heals in their own time. Many think you should get over something fast and be done with it. It doesn't work that way. Voted up and shared.

Mar,

As always your work is exceptional.

If anyone would be well acquainted with agony, it would be you.

I'm thankful you're acquainted with it, but haven't befriended it and don't allow for it to take up space of manipulate your life, robbing you of your joy and others of your talents and beautiful message.

You seriously inspire me ...

femme

Hi Maria I can't believe I have missed out on your hubs for such a long time but will remedy that from this moment on. A wonderful hub; voted up and wishing you a great day.

Eddy.

Dear Maria,

This is an important reminder that we all experience physical, emotional and spiritual pain in the most personal of ways and require time to heal and process our wounds.

Wounded healers such as yourself, are the most compassionate and sensitive nurses, knowing on a deep level, what is required to heal, yet realizing that no two people are exactly alike in the way they respond to pain and agony.

You raise some great points about tailoring our support of those in pain to their unique needs and providing unconditional love through tailored, creative involvement.

Sending a Bouquet of Hugs & Love,

Gail

Hi Mar, heeling is such a process... Thanks for a Wonderful Hub on the subject.

When my Niece committed Suicide 9 years ago, it devastated our family. My sister is not the same person. However with time, she has become a Stronger woman, as we all have. The Agony is never forgotten...but Strength is able to take it's place. My Niece was an Artist, and so my sister devotes a lot of time to distributing her Art work to Nursing homes, Museums etc., She is a Survivor.

A lovely hub and very true. We can never truly experience another's pain. I think it is a wonderful gift if you can be with another person in love and support without necessarily trying to fix things and especially without judgement. Looking foward to reading more of your hubs.

“Forgiveness and understanding of ourselves is vital.” So very true, and just one of the many essentials in your wonderful and comprehensive article. Sometimes, when something devastating to us, we too often blame ourselves. This can also manifest while providing care to others. Pain is unique to each of us, regardless of our circumstances, as is the time it takes to heal. You are a compassionate soul, Maria…with an insightful wisdom that is truly a gift. Voted up and shared.

This is an excellent about pain, whether it is physical or emoationa. I think the fact that you have suffered both has given you a special gift as a healer, an understanding person and one who is always there for your friends. I treasure you and hold you in a special place in my heart. Awesome hub.

This is so deeply meaningful and touching, Maria. You have expressed so beautifully and succinctly the value of our presence at times, if just to listen or to hold the hand of someone in pain.

I love what Mck said about the guilt we feel as caregivers to others, the ache in our hearts knowing we cannot lessen the pain and knowing the importance of our every word in those moments. Ruby has expressed it so beautifully in her comment about having awareness to respect the needs of the one in pain and the stress that goes with the role.

Voted all the way up and shared. Love, P

Oops. Of course, I meant that it's true that too often well-meaning people CANNOT - or do not - imagine that their efforts are felt as the opposite of what they intended.

Maria, Maria! It takes a special insight, empathy and wisdom to be able to write about this subject of agony without being negative. You've done it and made coming to read this a valuable and good-feeling experience.

How true that personal agony is one of the most subjective of responses to a person’s life experiences, - which says much, because all things a person feels, knows, thinks, says, and does are from a personal center of subjectivity. It’s how we’re made. Realizing that is the basis of being able to fathom others' subjectivity and respect it so as to care while realizing one can’t ‘fix it’ for anyone, and trying to can literally damage the person and add to the agony.

How true that well-meaning people can imagine that their advice and "help" is likely to be felt by the recipient as the very opposite of something fitting and helpful which they intended! Yet in caring, one has one's own subjective desire to try to relieve someone else's pain somehow, though all one really has to offer is the deliberate choice either to attempt to force one’s help which can't be done and may hurt, or the often difficult choice to resist that attempt beyond offering ‘anything one can do’ while, instead of proceeding, simply backing off and ‘being there’, giving a listening ear if the person wants to talk or an empathetic silence, if not.

I’ve been on both sides of that dilemma, being the one in agony who can’t use helpful interference for subjective reasons - and the one who so much wants to help someone that it hurts to be unable to do so. It is so wonderful, though, to know others care when I am suffering , and to care enough to give the other persons room to handle theirs as they see fit. When one can do it and sees them working it out, it is truly rewarding.

Agony is such a lonely emotion. As caregivers, we're taught to feel empathy, not sympathy. That is a difficult task. Just a touch can help. Some people who are agonizing want to be alone while others need companionship. Whether in a hospital setting or a friend, or family, the key is awareness and being there if wanted. I tell my family, " I am a phone call away. Beautiful message Mar! The R. E. M. selection is perfect, everybody hurts at times..Thank you..Sharing..

Agony is like a jail. Every sufferer has their own private cell. Even while they hear others weep, even while they receive regular visits from relatives and friends, they are socially disoriented, mentally paralysed and powerless.

Mar, this hub reveals above-average comprehension, empathy and compassion - the power that enables well-needed information to thrusts their way through the walls of the private cells in Jail Agony.

Great selection of a song though I like Joe Cocker's soulful way of singing about hurt. Many times one feels they are alone in that agony but we're not. Just look around.

The Frog Prince

We are all wells of loneliness, the depths of which vary for soul to soul. None of us know, or can know the breaking point of our endurance. Your article is a gentle guide of awareness to those that find themselves in a position whether intended or not of a caregiver. It is so important for the caregiver to realize they cannot share the pain, only be cognizant of its existence. I can only imagine the guilt felt by the caregivers for their inadequacies.

I love the sensitivity that you show here, and I think it will help people to relate in a helpful manner to those in pain. So often we try to project what we feel onto someone else, when all they need is for us to understand what they're feeling. Voted up, useful and interesing.

We can never know what is right for others in their time of healing and the very best we can do is just be there and let them heal in their own time. I absolutely love the tombstone photo. It shows a togetherness after death. A warming thought. especially in death.

What a great comprehensive hub. Pain is subjective and no 2 people feel or heal the same. As humans, we are quick to judge. This is a great piece to help us think before we act. Thank you! I just read agony. It is a beautiful expression! Up+++, my friend!

Maria, each person's pain is unique. People can empathize but not always understand or relate. The world is a better place for people like you who are there to support and guide others along the way. It's always comforting to know someone really cares.

Beautiful hub my dear friend.

Dear Maria, this is a beautifully written Hub about hurt, physical and emotional, and the effects hurting has on all of us, different and yet made equal by a new understanding of the emotions we all share. The music is a perfect and gentle accompaniment to your writing. Many thanks.

Thank you for sharing. Any kind of pain is as always a learning curve, but if you read the book; A course in Miracles, then this reality is all an illusion created by our mind. Billy is so right. Empathy means to be able to stand on others shoes.

Appreciated your insights. Will check out your Poetic Ponderings. Have a nice week-end!

Finding empathy for this kind of pain takes a special person who has been there; there is no other way. I have been there....you have been there...and we are better people because of it.

blessings and love always

bill