"The Talk" - Is It About Time Parents? Sex Education Statistics and Your Kids

I learned about sex from my friends. My mother and father never gave me “the talk.” Before my friends taught me, I learned that sexual activity was dirty and shameful.

My mom never gave the talk. But when I would hug my dad or wrestle around on the floor, I would hear comments like, “gross“ or “she‘s your daughter, not your wife.“ I always felt as if I gave affection it was for someone else’s gain or for my family to shame.

My friends told me of their experiences and how to do things. I admit I was sexual at a young age. I regret all of it but realize I was confused. I could not differentiate between love and sex. I know better now but still have the regrets within. The “facts” I obtained were true for the most part. My friends never went into detail but what they said was true. Knowing what I know today, I wish my mother would have sat me down and told me the things I needed to know.

Sex education wasn’t even thought of being taught when I was in school. However, I wish it was. Not so much about pregnancy or STDs, but why we should wait. I think every girl should know morally what is the best choice and what they lose within themselves by losing their virginity.

I remember in high school, my very best friend had sex for the first time. I came over to her house to find her mother crying as well as my friend. She was so vulnerable and fragile. She said it was nothing like she thought it would be, it hurt her. Not only physically but mentally. I remember feeling every emotion she had and wishing the first time would’ve been the right time.

There is a large debate between parents and schools regarding teaching sex education. In Montana, the schools system is pushing education beginning at as young as kindergarten. Too young? Possibly.

However, the largest debate seems to be "monkey see- monkey do." In other words, if they (students) see it, they are more likely to do it. I can not say this is true. But this is the long, ongoing logic to keep education of this matter out of our schools. So, does that mean that our children must learn from their friends as I did? Or from their mother or father?

We all wish that was the case. That mom and dad would sit down and explain everything to their children. That they would be taught respect and to wait until marriage. However, this is not a reality. Parents are as afraid of talking about it as our kids are. Or they think "not my child", "they would never do that!"

According to the Center For Disease Control:

• Nineteen (19) million new STD infections occur each year, almost half of them among young people ages 15 to 24.
• In 2009, 46% of high school students had sexual intercourse, and 14% of high school students had had four or more sex partners during their life.
  
• In 2009, 34% of currently sexually active high school students did not use a condom during last sexual intercourse.
  
• Young people in the United States use alcohol and other drugs at high rates. Adolescents are more likely to engage in high-risk behaviors, such as unprotected sex, when they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Okay, every child is different, we all know that.But there are ways to do this as comfortably for both of you.

1. Talk to your child in their comfort zone. In other words, if they enjoy going to the park, got to the park and talk. If they like being in their room, talk in their room. Go somewhere where it doesn't seem like a lecture, but an actual conversation.
2. Ask questions. You can learn a lot about the goings on at school and with their friends by asking. And by asking, you can become aware of just how much your child actually "knows" and what are misconceptions.
3. Allow room for discussion. Asking questions is great, but let your child ask questions as well. Allow them to tell stories or happenings related to the subject.
4. Answer the questions with the truth! You may feel uncomfortable answering some of the questions, or you may think they are better off not knowing. Wrong, they asked for a reason. It's not the first time they have heard this. Give them the facts.

If your child doesn't ask questions about sex, don't just ignore the subject. Introduce it at a pace that is comfortable for both of you.

I told my daughter at the ripe age of 10 years old about how boys will try to convince her of sex. I also had her watch a very descriptive PowerPoint Presentation in nursing class about STDs. She is aware of rape, pregnancy and incest. She tells me she will wait until she is married, but it is scary, knowing the morals of our growing generation.