The Uterus With a Mind of Her Own
The Cascade Into Woman-hood
I had my first pap smear at 12 years old. At that time, I hadn't even started menses, let alone explored or discovered anything about myself "down there". It was horrifying. My first exposure to those lovely stirrups and the short little table that the doctor has you lay on and then keeps asking you to "move down" on. I remember staring at the ceiling wondering if this was what sex was going to be like. Having something hard and cold put inside of you. It was uncomfortable and hurt just a bit. Then, I felt poking around and then, as quick as you could say "done", it was over and I lay there, still staring with a tear rolling out of my eye.
It was normal; the pap that is, but the experience changed my life and from that point on, I had to endure paps yearly to check my uterus out. It got to the point where I became so comfortable with having my unspokens looked at, that I would carry on conversations with the doctors; to the disdain of some. They didn't always know how to handle someone being so cheery, peering between her legs while they poked around looking for a malformation.
When I was 13, I started my period. My uterus would monthly, scream on the top of its lungs and make sure I knew she was unhappy about this time of the month. Heating pads, rocking on my stomach, exercise, diet...nothing could calm that bitchy beast and she would carry on her tantrum for a minimum of 7 days; leaving me with no relief until she was finished.
In adulthood, and wanting children, my uterus decided that she would refuse the implanting of my eggs each month. She even took an egg that finally connected and cast it out as soon as I found out the good news. It took me years to get pregnant for both my son and my daughter, but my uterus made sure that I suffered through each pregnancy and that I knew carrying both of my children was a high risk activity. My uterus just couldn't let things be.
She was tipped as well. This made wearing the monthly aides that you insert inside difficult to keep in and therefore I was forced to keep those lovely mattresses between my legs and forgo vigorous activities during certain times of the month. I discovered the pill which helped keep her under control at times but because of a blood disorder I found I had, I could no longer take it.
An IUD was a life saver after my children were born. I literally stopped her tantrums and I had no more periods for years. I loved it! She of course, wouldn't hear of being silenced so my uterus did the only thing she could to rebel...she fell out.
Yup, you heard me right. She dove through the canal directly below her and dropped as low as she could without totally escaping. I remember the morning in October, around 4:00 in the morning. I went to the bathroom and all of a sudden thought, "What the hell? What is that?" as I felt something alien down there. I pushed her back in as much as I could and went to work, keeping my legs together tightly and avoiding the bathroom as much as I could. I mean, how can you tell someone, "Excuse me while I go push my uterus back in" as a reason for needing to run to the restroom all day? I went to the gynecologist after school and my fear was confirmed..she had tried to escape.
I was given this plastic kind of cup to try to keep her contained but of course, my uterus would have nothing to do with this. So, for a month, until my surgery was scheduled, she and I became intimate friends; making physical contact multiple times daily to my disdain.
When the surgery came around, I couldn't wait to be rid of this organ that had caused me so much grief through my life. I didn't plan on any more children. I was through. I didn't want to menstruate any more either so I didn't even say goodbye when the anesthesiologist gave me the shot and I drifted off to sleep.
When I awoke, I felt great! Even walked around the hospital that night. It was as if an alien being had inhabited my body throughout my life and I was finally free of it. I am grateful that she allowed me to have two beautiful children. She gave me the two greatest gifts in the world. I don't miss her though. I've always liked to be in control of my own body and sometimes I felt like two personalities, fighting with my uterus over the years. She had a mind of her own and I hope that where ever her final resting place came to be, she is happy now.