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The Young Widow - Closure

Updated on December 1, 2011
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I never had much use or desire for closure. I honestly think that it has always been a fool's quest since it has never been known to change much of anything. Sure good can come from hindsight knowledge, but that depends on what someone does with the information they have been given, not on closure. The simple act of knowing the reason behind any situation does not mean that something good will come of it. So I waited 77 days for the answers to everyone else's questions. The few people I have shared the answers with, in the few days that I have had them, don't know what to do with the information. They, like myself, were just left with more new questions. Some of which can never be answered. At least not by any Doctor, or human for that matter. So I put them aside. These questions are of no use to me. They do nothing for me but swallow the hours in a day. They are nothing more than fuel for tears and fears. Their only desire is to fill my mind and yours with useless banter. No good will come of it. I have the power to choose. It is not an easy thing to do but isn't the right path usually narrow?

So now I know what stole my husband from me. I always knew in my heart that he parted from me naturally. The lingering doubt from others tested my persistence. I had to use all of my will to push away the doubtful thoughts and 'what ifs'. I could not even bare to think that someone could have been responsible for my Prince's death. Anger and frustration are normal emotions when dealing with grief, but there were worse feelings and emotions that would start mustering inside me when someone talked about the possibility that someone could be responsible and had spent all this time hiding the truth. So, when this topic came up, I deliberately spaced out. I needed to wait. The others prepared themselves for war. A rift was formed. Closure does not repair a rift. The truth left them having to start anew. They had no war to hang on to. No cause to fight for. The news that was supposed to bring them a small amount of peace actually took more from them. The warrior who wanted to battle to the death, looked down, completely lost as my news stole the desire away. It was as if all of this person's strength came from the war they created in their mind. Where will they displace the residual feelings now? The faithful soldier who shared the desire and wanted nothing more than to please the warrior and fill some of the void the Prince had left was also left with nothing.
My mother still suffers for the loss of the Prince who so cared for & loved her girls. She suffers separately for the individual grief journey of each girl. No matter how hard she tries, she can't take the burden from us. The answers didn't change anything for her.

My wish now is for dealing, healing, and growing to take the space left by the elimination of a battle or war for those who have news, but no closure. Should a war have been needed, I would fight. I am not for war since it does not return my Prince to me, but I would have done it to save another from a widow's journey. Thankfully, that is not what was needed.
A widow, however, faces many battles. So, I will continue to be still, without premature reaction or preparation.

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    • msannec profile image

      msannec 6 years ago from Mississippi (The Delta)

      You have an amazing gift, thank you for sharing your story.

    • Moms-Secret profile image
      Author

      Lissette 6 years ago from Central Florida

      Hello Fennelseed, my sister in grief. What a special compliment you have given me. I hear the words strength and brave but I honestly don't feel them. At least not yet. I am just so desperate to somehow do good thru this. Good for my girl, good for my husband, good for my family, good for others, good for God. It is hard, but I won't have our life be meaningless.

      People who have not lost have no choice but to be naive. They mean well, but they don't understand. They feel that not being able to accept is a choice. An unhealthy choice. We have no choice but to accept that our loved ones have died. It slaps us in the face one way or another everyday. I think we define accept differently. Accepting and moving on to them seems as if we should wake up one morning refreshed that the nightmare is over. I think, for us it is actually re-inventing ourselves to include this daily sadness while moving forward to find purpose, beauty, and fulfillment in something that matters in dedication to our angels. We can have smiles, laughter, and good memories but you are right the love is now permanently molded into the pain.

      Thank you for the amazing comments. I will take care of your heart as you come to take such good care of mine.

      Blessings.

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 6 years ago from Australia

      Moms-secret, you have amazing courage and you are an inspiration to me and all your readers.

      I know where you are coming from. Those questions don't change what has happened. The answers may put out sparks waiting for ignition as some look to blame and incrimination to help ease the pain and I guess I can understand that as it took me a long time to realise that nothing takes the pain away.

      While I will never accept losing my son, (and it seems that people place a huge importance on acceptance in the grieving process) I do accept this pain as part of me now. Fighting it only causes more pain.

      I think the pain of losing someone so very special becomes enmeshed with our love for that person and that the love and the pain cannot be separated. You will continue to hurt, as will I, but we will also both continue to love and maybe in time that powerful love, that we hold so dear, will become our focus.

      You are very brave and my heart is with you. Thank you for sharing these words.

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Just take things slowly, one step at a time, know we are thinking of you and send our thoughts, love and prayers.

      Best wishes MM

    • Moms-Secret profile image
      Author

      Lissette 6 years ago from Central Florida

      Hello Ladies,

      As always, I so appreciate the time that you choose to share with me here with my words and the comments that you provide.

      @ Deb comfort and peace are steps that I have not reached yet. Thank you for wishing them for me.

      @Cgreen it really didn't change anything. In some ways what I know has made things a bit worse. Thank you for your prayers.

      @Becky I did know that it was natural and maybe that is what helped me with the horrible, long wait. The obstacles are not done yet, but they will be soon.

      No friend of mine should ever worry about time away. I will be here when you get back. Thank you for your prayers!

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 6 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      You knew the answer in your heart. No one had to tell you something you already knew. I am happy that it was natural. It would be worse to think that someone did this to you. It would have drug it out longer and left the healing to wait. Now you can let your soul heal with Gods help.

      I am sorry I have not been here for you the last couple of days but life intervenes in our plans. Our van is out of commission and I had to walk around town paying the bills. It really took it out of this old woman. I am praying for you.

    • cgreen7090 profile image

      cgreen7090 6 years ago from Tennessee

      At least one of us did. Still praying for you. ((Hugs))

    • DeborahNeyens profile image

      Deborah Neyens 6 years ago from Iowa

      I'm glad you got answers and I hope you find some comfort and peace in the answers.

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