The Young Widow - Friendships

Honestly, I am not a very good friend. I am distant and I don't particularly like the phone. At the same time, I am a great friend to a few people. They accept me for my distance and they know that I am here if they need me. I have friends, good friends, and great friends.

I know a lot of people can relate because some are just too swamped to be great friends. They are genuine in their caring but there is work, there are kids, obligations, and so many other things. Technology was supposed to make things easier. It was supposed to have this colossal freeing affect. I don't see that at all. If anything, I notice that people are busier now than they have ever been before. It doesn't seem to matter what you do for a living or even if you work at all. There is always something on the agenda that often does not involve friends. I admire those that are deliberate in their time with friends. I am not sure that I will ever be. I am so unplanned. If I were to plan something, my memory issues would make it so that I would not remember to make it anyway.

Being the way that I am, a bit of a loner, I never looked to the healing power of friendship. I don't mean the poisonous friends that distract you and lead you down roads that ultimately do not help. I mean the friend that offers to come to you at your smelliest, messiest, most broken time and just pulls up a chair. I never considered myself a prideful person but the fact is that I would not allow anyone to see me like that. I would not even allow myself to. Pride and resilience must be closely related. I would like to believe that I am dancing on the side of resilience. I don't know if it is the truth, after all I am biased. I have a great friend. I have no idea how to thank her for what she has done and what she is doing. We talk on the phone at least 3 times a month and see each other monthly. She mentioned wishing she had more time but I have no complaints at all. She doesn't need me to 'talk' but she is their to listen if I choose to. She does not offer to drown things out in a glass of alcohol. She takes me out into nature. She embraces both my daughter and I and makes it a point to make herself available at the toughest times. She is amazing. How do you say thank you?

This hub has been done and nestled in my account for more than a month. I love my friend and her husband so much. They are amazing in their caring for me and my daughter. When you encounter loss, you start to wish for the impossible, at least I do. I keep saying that i do not wish this on anyone. I don't want anyone to fully understand my grief because it would mean that they have lost. I am just a small woman tho. I can not protect anyone from the inevitable. Now it is time for me to use all the strength that this couple has helped me to achieve and use it to help them achieve strength thru the loss of their mother... Love repaid.