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The Filthy Belt

Updated on November 29, 2010


None of us would ever want to have poop on our hands, would we? What if we were inadvertantly getting a small, invisable amount on ourselves on a daily basis? Sounds horrifying? Well, it is!

Check this out: If you take a dump in a public restroom, do you leave your pants down around your ankles as you shuffle to the sink to wash your hands? No. Of course not! If you did, someone might enter the restroom and laugh at you as your pants swabbed up and collected filth from the bathroom floor! People might think you have mental retardation or that you're some kind of perv!

Instead, what we usually do is, we wipe, zip up, button and fasten our belts. Then we exit the stall to promptly cleanse our palms and digits. But we touched our, zipper, button, and belt just after wiping!

Now think about it. Hopefully, the feces doesn't actually contact our hands, and instead, just touches the toilet paper. But if that were a sure thing, then why would we even bother to wash our hands afterward? We know that there is a good possibility that a tiny smudge of crap may have made its way to our fingertips, so we wash our hands. But between wiping and washing, we have touched the tips of our belts. Tiny bits of poop are deposited there day after day after day. Our belts are filthy!

When we get dressed in the morning, we put on our belts and don't think about washing our hands afterward. We get a tiny bit of poop on our hands and then touch the doorknobs in our house leaving a tiny drop of aged feces for our loved ones to encounter. And they do the same to us, so we are trading these germs with our family and friends and then we go eat a roast beef sandwich and ingest each others' shit!

Why am I writing about this? Do I want people to stop putting poop in their mouths? Do I want people to stop using belts or waddle out of bathrooms stalls with their pants down, or sell hand sanitizer or some crap? No! I don't give a fuck about any of that! My belt is contaminated right now and I don't plan to do anything about it! After years of use, it's more poop than belt.

What I DO want to convey is that we have to start cleaning doorknobs more often and anything that hands usually touch like phones, keyboards, computer mice, and pens! Yes, pens! They are filthy as hell! Don't ever put pens in your mouth!

Think about the Avian flu and the Swine flu and cooties. Think about how easy it is to spread this shit around!

Here's some more interesting germ info. Do you know what the filthiest thing in a hotel room is? It's the remote control for the TV. Nobody ever, ever, ever cleans them. People order XXX movies, jerk off, splash semen everywhere, and subsequently grasp the remote. Or they might bang a hooker and then change the channel. People who "bump uglies" with prostitutes don't take the time to wash their paws before clutching a hotel TV remote; and Jaunita the cleaning lady doesn't scrub down and sterilize that thing between guests.

So go ahead and kick back and enjoy a good show in your room while eating cheetos and getting that orange fuzz on your fingertips and licking it off while channel surfing and ingesting microbes from a herpes infested ho that was anally penetrated! Now you know how you got that sore in your mouth!

Should we all become obsessive-compulsive hypochondriacs like Howie Mandel? Maybe. Maybe he's on to something.


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    • Jenna~sea profile image

      Jenna~sea 7 years ago from Oregon

      You are one of a kind!!! I keep spic&span with me when i go in public places/ yes i said i toat around houshold cleaner!! IT is the best germ killer because it kill's everything from e.coli to staph! the only down fall i that it take's about ten min. to work so to be safe i keep disinfectant wipe's in my i might not ever look at a hotel room the same way again !!! Thank's mikey ******

    • FCEtier profile image

      Chip 7 years ago from Cold Mountain

      Don't touch that "remote" in the motel room!