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The only thing you need is yourself
When you don’t know yourself you are stuck in your childhood. You will expect someone else to complete you, like you are not completed already. When we are in the belly of our mothers we depend absolutely on her for our survival, when we feel scared or depressed we get in fetal position, because inside us there is a feeling of security of relying on somebody else and we try to be in that position of safety. So we look for anybody who can provide us the same feeling, and we are willing to do anything to have that certain person (or an animal or even a thing for that matter) as close to us as possible, and no matter if we get hurt in the process, we will keep doing anything to stay there, because it feels “safe”. He (or she) can abuse us, even physically, but we will justify it in order to stay there. We will yell, fight, and argue to claim what we think belong to us.
But we would be wrong. We can’t depend on someone else, nobody else completes us! We are human beings worthy of happiness. No one else is here to complete us or make us happy. We must be completed by ourselves. We must be happy with who we are, and stop looking for it someplace else. Your happiness is not in your partner, your parents, your siblings, your friends, nor even in your children. All of them are a gift to your life, and you can chose to be happy next to someone, but that someone does not complete you as a human being. You don’t breathe together, their hearts does not beat according to yours, their lives do not depend on yours, and vice versa.
Everyone has a gift for their own, it is called life. Your life is inside you, and no one else. This is why it is so important to get to know yourself, to realize the difference between what you believe and what you see. To know when it is worthy to take risks or to step back. To know what sacrifices you must make or which ones you must not. What things you really have to outstay, and when it is time to let go. You will know which battles to pick.
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer” –Albert Camus
What is inside you?
Once we get to know ourselves we realize there is power inside us, it is already there, it is just that we have never had the courage to step away from our comfort zone to go look for it and experience it. Once we get to do it we will open our eyes to who we really are, and realize what we are worthy of. We will understand how much we have been missing out. We won’t argue anymore for the bad luck we have had during of lives. We will take on much more challenges and persevere until success. We will see our dreams come true. Once you get to know who you actually are your eyes get opened to see a whole new world. And you realize that there is no one else you need for your happiness but yourself. Yes, this might sound selfish at first sight, but is it really? No, it is not. Actually it is quite the contrary, because the more we know ourselves the happier we are. We get rid of the frustration of not knowing where we are going to, and the feeling of being lost. And the clearer we are about who we are, the better we will be at choosing our partner, and at sharing with the people we already are with. Our kids will see a much better role model, and we will be so much better in showing them our love toward them and to those we care about. In other words, it starts within us. It is like when you are flying on a plane, they tell you, “In case of depressurization, put your mask on first, and then help others”. In this, our case, we must take care of ourselves before thinking about helping others. If your feet are firm on the ground, you can help others get up. If not, you both will fall down.
It has been said, “Paradise is inside of every one of us, depending on choices we make”, and in this context, it is absolutely right. We decide whether we live in paradise or in hell, we create our reality and our environment, not the other way around. Mr. Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison, and he stated that his spirit was unbreakable; he said that he learned the true meaning of freedom, and it was not in being outside jail. He also stated, “For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others”.
Not very long ago, I was talking to a close friend of mine. He was having some issues at the time, and he said: “Marcelo, I believe I know what’s going on with me. I think what I need to do is to take a trip, go someplace else –hopefully a beach or a mystical place- and be able to meditate a lot about all of this, and then I will find my solution. In here with this situation I’ll never have the chance to do so”. I said, “Yes, you are right. Just one question: why don’t you go right now?” He answered, “Because right now I don’t have the time or the money to do it”. I replied, “That is a big reason. What will happen if a month or even a year goes by and you still don’t have the time and money for it?” He said, “Well, I will just have to wait longer”. My answer was, “You don’t have to wait for anything, and certainly you don’t have to go to any other place. Of course, going somewhere else could make it so much easier –granted, but what will happen when you come back and find yourself in the same situation? I did it once, it was liberating, but after a while I found myself in the same condition I was before. What happened there? I tried to solve things running away from them, and that is no solution. You would become a fugitive, running away from yourself. Your answers are right here, with you, and inside of you. I recommend you to go to your room, turn everything off, every device and every thought of yours. Get into a comfortable position, breathe in and breathe out, and meditate about what is going on. Forgive yourself and everybody else there is for you to forgive. Apologies to whomever you think you have offended; if you can’t reach that person, then do it in your mind. Give thanks for every little blessing, and then meditate about all the things happening in your life. This way you will get to know yourself. You will know what you are capable of. You will know for certain that you don’t need anything or anybody else, just yourself. You will grow love to yourself. And you will find your peace. You must be successful where you are, before departing to any other place. Realize who you are. This is crucial, because there’s no one else who can do this for you, but yourself. Then you will find not only your peace, but also your passion and self-acceptance. And you will be amazed to see so many other things you can’t even imagine right now. You don’t need to work for a whole year to buy a ticket to go somewhere else to find yourself, and you don’t have to spend a lot of time travelling just to see who you are. You are right here. What keeps you from finding yourself right here and right now? You know, once I heard: ‘Disasters make countries stronger’. I said ‘no, disasters show a country what it is truly made of’. Same thing happens in our lives, struggles don’t make us stronger, they show us what we are really made of, and when we see what we are made of we get stronger. What’s going on with your life right now can show you what you are really made of, and what you are capable to do. You don’t have to wait to see it; you can do it right now. You can overcome any trouble you have, right here, right now, because you have what’s necessary with you: yourself. Look for your answers inside you, and you will find them. Show yourself who you are, a guy who doesn’t need to go across the globe to have an encounter with himself. You can get to know you here and now. Have faith in you. Don’t set excuses, like having to wait to save money and dedicate time for it. Look inside you right where you are, and everything else will be clearer. The place is not critical for your purpose. You can take a trip afterwards, but it will be a pleasure one. You can even call it a deserved prize for what you achieved. Your freedom and happiness don’t depend on the money you have or the flight ticket to some other place. You decide when to improve your life”.
No change comes from the outside, but from the inside
That change is not coming to us from moving away, changing careers, jobs, partners, or friends. Of course, we might have to change one of them –at least, but that is not the whole change we need. Our change comes from within. We must liberate us from ourselves, from our negative thoughts, from our behavior, and from the patterns that have been putting us down. Then everything else will fall into place.
“The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world”. –Toni Collette
Mohandas “Mahatma” Gandhi said: “Be the change you want to see in the world”. This is a powerful statement. We can’t expect the world to change for us, we must change and our world will change.