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The Young Widow - The Rise

Updated on January 24, 2012

The Rise

Alone and distant
Surrounded by dark clouds
& yet it's radiate fire still glows
Creating beauty
In it's difficult rise
Toward the heavens
I aspire to mimic her
The days of my life
Until I have fulfilled
My calling here.


Peaks & Valleys

I continue on this path, not aware of what is in front of me. Not knowing what is to come next. There are good times and bad times. Highs and lows. I guess that is true of all of life's situations, although they seem to dance together more for me now than they have ever done for me before. Much has changed for me since that day in September 2011. Still, so much is the same. It is like I am stuck in Sept. It does not feel like it has been four months for me. My heart is like a child. It does not seem to know that you are gone. It still looks for you and waits. It does not care what my lips have to say or what my eyes have seen. It seems that the unconditional nature of my love for you will live on and on. Your presence on earth does not seem to be a requirement. I feel that my life will be long. I feel that this love story will live in my heart as an old woman.

Through all of this, there is still a rise. It is very slow and often differs in force and brightness but it is there. Some days, I work hard to rise only to be greeted by an eclipse of emotions that remind me to let it claim the day. I can see a tiny bit of the future. I have a want again. I want for a simple life. I want for a legacy. I want to be a good example of a good life and of love for my daughter, our angel. I can't say that I don't backslide. I can't say that I am not tired and the work is not hard. I can't say that it feels real to me or that it does not feel impossible. I can't say that the days are easier or shorter. I can't say that I am getting things done or making remarkable accomplishments. I still watch days and weeks pass by me. They don't feel long or short. I don't feel them at all. My genuine smile is almost back. It doesn't come to me unless it is drawn out by something. It is not like before at all. It doesn't feel gleaming or huge. It is no longer a beacon (not yet anyway). I used to wear it all day, everywhere. I laugh at what is funny. I enjoy the enjoyable. I struggle through reminders. I balance the bitter-sweetness. My frustration with normality and the view of people missing the big picture has diminished a bit. It is still a nuisance and upsetting, but I am no longer envisioning myself trying to slap them into reality anymore. The blatant waist on all the meaningless, while very sad, does not set me off anymore. This is a step forward. These are small sunrises in my life. Daily rise, daily fall. What the sun often does, the moon undoes. Strength and weakness. The daily dance. All you can do is breath as another day goes by.

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    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you Vicki... It is a process. I learned that resistance was a problem. The flow got a little harder but I always followed it before and it usually works itself out. My daughter is understanding and accepting now. I believe she has healed well.

    • profile image

      Vickiw 

      5 years ago

      A wonderful description of how you are going through the process. I could truly empathise. Your understanding and sense of humour in spite of everything will be your strength as you continue to nurture and love those around you, especially your daughter. I have been there. Now my thoughts are with you.

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      6 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you so much Tami. From your lips to heavens gate...

    • Tami Fite profile image

      Tami Fite 

      6 years ago

      Bless you! God is using your life in AMAZING Ways! he has a plan for you and it is AWESOME!

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      6 years ago from Central Florida

      Tami, in the beginning there is so much to be upset with. It is all a process. I found that it is best to feel everything and limit reactions. A lot of what you feel now you will not feel later on. People say that it gets easier and they are mostly right. I thought it was more literal, but the fact is that you adapt and embrace who you are with these scares on your heart. I am 8 months old and still have so much more growing to do. We are like infants. We learn more in our first years than any other time but soon we will be able to walk and talk freely.

      I am so happy my writing is helping you. It is the only reason that it exists.

    • Tami Fite profile image

      Tami Fite 

      6 years ago

      The morning of my mom's funeral I awoke to a beautiful sunrise -- I was angry that God would send such a beautiful sun to a day filled with such anguish .... your writing is inspirational... the more we love, the more we grieve... better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all... ouch!

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      6 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you so much for reading it and especially for your wonderful comment. I so appreciate it.

      The sunrise pictured was from a weekend getaway my 2 dear friends took me and my daughter to right after the service. It was amazing. I didn't know that it would be a poem. It is just what I thought as I saw the sun rise from the balcony.

      I found a poem written by another you may like. I will post it in a question to you and Frank soon.

    • LVidoni5 profile image

      Brian Loewer 

      6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      So few words in your poem, but you personify the power of the image perfectly. I really like it.

      I loved peaks and valley's also. There's beauty in your strength like that rising sun, you really have something here. I agree with Frank, "Wow!"

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      6 years ago from Central Florida

      The poem came to me after 2 of my closest friends took my daughter and I to the ocean overnight. It was about a week after my Prince's service. The pictures are from that first and only sunrise I have experienced since.

      Some of me is returning and I am happy about that. Still, it is different in so many ways. I am getting to know and I am embracing this new person within me.

      Thank you so much for your affection MM!

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      6 years ago from Central Florida

      That a stranger would shower me with love and hugs is an amazing glimpse of God and his heart for me. Thank you!

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      6 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you for reading and loving Frank...

      I like to wow you my friend.

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 

      6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Your poem 'The Rise' is so very, very beautiful.

      'My genuine smile is almost back' you are making so much progress, those first few numbing months when you feel as though everything is an act are behind you now....

      My best wishes and hugs to you, Lesley

    • sofs profile image

      sofs 

      6 years ago

      Mom's secret, my heart goes out to you. Love you. ((((((((hugs)))))))) I am lost for words. May God Keep you close to His heart.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      6 years ago from Shelton

      wow this just took me again wow

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