ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Time Stood Still

Updated on March 14, 2010

My Dad had been gone all morning. He hadn't been feeling well and I was wondering where he was. He came in close to lunch time and seem frustrated. I always stayed out of his way when he was like this. My son, 1 week shy of being 4, said to my Dad," What you doing Granddaddy?". " I am looking for something right now little guy, go on and play, Grandaddy is busy".

My son and I had some lunch and My Dad had shut the door to his room. My son went to get something in the refrigerator and when he shut the door I heard a pop. I told him not to shut the door so hard. My son said "Mom I didn't". and of course I said "ok" and just went on. It would be hours before I realized what that pop was.

     At about 12:20 the phone rang and it was for my Dad. I went to his door and Knocked and he didn't answer, I tried again still nothing. I called to him and no reply. Then I tried the door and it was locked. I thought maybe he had left again and checked the drive for the van and it was there. At that point I became frightened. So I beat on his door and still nothing. So I got a knife and pried the lock open and there was my Dad lying on the floor and I could see he was bleeding from his ear.

I ran and called 911 and they said they would send someone right out. In the mean time my son had been behind me when I had got into the room and was just crying and crying. I went back into the room to check for a pulse and there was none, i got blood in my hand and went into the kitchen to wash my hands and I remember standing at the window looking out in a daze and thinking " This is a dream, this isn't happening." Then I was brought back to reality as my son is hugging our boxer and saying " He's dead Babydoll, He's dead". He spoke the words and I realized it was true and I went to him and held him and time just seemed to stand still for us in those few minutes, that seemed like an eternity, for the ambulance to get there.

When the parmedics arrived they went in to him and within a short period of time came to me and asked me to sit down and asked me if my Dad had been sick. I told that he had been injured on his job several months ago and that he had been depressed. And that is when they told me that my Dad had shot himself. I was devastated, I couldn't believe it. I was angry, I was hurt , I was sad, but most of all it broke my heart for my little son, he adored his Granddaddy, and the pain he was feeling ripped my heart out.
Then I had to tell the family and my oldest son. Nothing harder than having to tell what happened over and over as I made phone call after phone, near and far, to let them know of my Dad's death. My oldest son, broke down, but ran a track meet that night as a tribute to my Dad, and won. My sister just collapsed, my Uncles couldn't believe it.

I held up good for everyone, I was strong. I made all the arrangements. Picked out his clothes & the casket. He was simple man and wouldn't have wanted anything extravagant, so I buried him in his jeans and western shirt, as he would have wanted it.

At the service, there were so many friends and family and I tried to greet them all with a smile and accept their condolences, but I felt so numb inside. They announced the final viewing and I told everyone to go ahead and as pew after pew passed by, I felt so desperate to run, because I could feel something welling up inside me and I didn't know how I was going to handle it. Finally after the last person, I thought, had passed out the door, I started toward the casket and I heard a noise that I couldn't explain and the instantly realized it was coming from me. To this day I can't tell you who it was but strong arms caught me and held me as I sobbed uncontrollably and then as I caught my breath they were gone.

That was 21 years ago. I cry as I write this , I miss my Dad so much. But the anger for his leaving is gone, the deep sorrow, has eased,  but the tears are less now and the smiles are more as I remember good things about my Dad  and not the bad thing that happened that day, so many years ago when it felt like time stood still.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • singlmomat52 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      Wow ahorseback, I can't believe that we have been reading each others Hubs for over 18 months now. Amazing!! And the family of hubbers here is so awesome!!! Thanks you for your loyalty!! Blessings to you and your family!!

    • singlmomat52 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      Thank you for stopping in and reading my Hub. It will be 24 years next month on the 15th and I still miss him. But life goes on and I know that one day I will see him again. Thanks again for your nice comment. I will try my best to read some of your Hubs. Blessings!!

    • Yaduvanshi profile image


      6 years ago from Bharat Vrse

      It is in deed sad I agree to Ahorseback and you are so storng to go through and share it with us

    • singlmomat52 profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      I published this Hub over a year ago and you are the first to comment on it. I appreciate that. But when I wrote this hub it was more therapeutic for me than anything and has helped me. I do thank you for taking the time to read my Hub. It was a very tramatic time in my life. Thank you ahorseback for you sincere comment.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      This is so sad , May I be the first to say here that you must be so strong to give this up to us. Many don't realize the cost to those they leave behind in their wake .I commend you.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)