To Sneeze or Not To Sneeze Facts about Sneezing

In Nebraska, it's against the law to sneeze.

Your heart may skip a beat, but it does not stop when you sneeze.

You can't sneeze while you're sleeping.

You can't keep your eyes open when you sneeze.

One of the early symptoms of the Bubonic Plague was sneezing.

UK's Donna Griffiths holds the world record for most sneezes in a row (once an hour for 978 days).

If you're sneezing a lot, you could be thinking about sex.

You can infect a person with your uncovered sneeze up to 150 feet away.

Stopping a sneeze can cause facial emphysema or other face or neck issues.

If you feel as though you're going to sneeze, but would really prefer not to, just repeat "cucumber" or "lamp" over and over. You may ultimately end up sneezing, but it should give you enough time to go grab a tissue.

Speaking of tissues, there are a lot on the market. Depending on what kind of sneeze you have or the reason behind it, there are plenty of different types to choose from nowadays. It's a wonderful thing really, until you go to the store and stand in front of all the brands and all the types.

Should you purchase:

• Generic tissues
• Kleenex
• Puffs
• Scott
• Cottonelle
• Seventh Generation
• Green Forest

You may, and most probably have a brand of facial tissue that you swear by. And chances are that brand not only comes in a variety of box shapes and colors...

• oval
• octagonal (oh, fancy- no I haven't seen them but great idea)
• family sized
• square
• rectangle
• extra large
• travel packs
• car packs
• pyramid (that's possibly next)
• others

printed with

• favorite cartoon characters
• Disney
• dots
• stripes
• plaid
• swirls
• swooshes
• flowers, painted or photographed
• sailing
• fruits
• paisley
• holiday scenes
• sea shells by the seashore

you get the picture, but it also most probably comes in a variety of types. And if it doesn't yet, it will, and soon!

What types? Oh, you've seen them.

• regular
• extra thick
• extra soft
• with lotion
• with aloe
• antibacterial
• one ply
• two ply
• menthol coated
• quilted

Did I miss anything? Actually, I just may have. Or if you're reading this a year from now, you could add to this list in a heartbeat.

There are many different types of sneezes.

• Allergen sneezes.
• Pepper sneezes.
• Snuff sneezes.
• Sneezes due to cold.
• Sneezes due to flu
• Sneezes due to deathly disease.
• Sneezes due to sudden bright light.
• Sneezes due to thinking about sex.
• Sneezes due to someone giving you the evil eye. (If it's not because of one of the above then you know that this is certainly what is causing your sneeze. Beware. I'm not kidding. This is true.)

Once upon a time, people didn't have to stand in a facial tissues isle with their mouths hanging open, arms slacking to their knees like a neanderthall, drool dripping another clean up in isle nine.

No, once upon a time, people's choices were simple. You snorted it in, or used your shirtail or apron. And if you were one of the lucky ones, you'd have a beautiful crusty linen, silk, or cotton hanky, and hopefully you had it on your person when the time came, or you were with someone who was kind enough to offer you theirs for use.

In fact, it used to be quite fashionable for a man's tie and his hanky to match.

Should you let your sneeze out or hold it in?

There are many times in your life when you're going to ask yourself this. For example,

• When you've just met someone - what kind of impression would you make blasting your germie snot at what could be your next husband, wife, superior, inferior, loan officer?
• when you're speeding in traffic - will you get into an accident because for that split second your eyes were closed?
• when you're working on your bead project - if you sneeze will they scatter?
• You've got food in your mouth - if you sneeze will it make a gross mess?

There are many times. You know them well. I've jogged your memory. I've opened the door to your darkest fears. Yes, well, this is serious business, this sneeze or not to sneeze issue.

No matter what your fears are, keep this in mind, sneezing is our body's way of tackling the very important job of extracting yucky stuff from our bodies. Without sneezes, we could die.

• Sneezes get rid of germs and dirt.
• Sneezes clear our sinuses
• Sneezes protect us from airborn pollutants (including bugs that don't know what they're doing and try to fly up in there when they shouldn't ought to be).
• Sneezes warn us and others of oncoming colds, allergies, or that we've been in the pool too long.

How are they hazardous?

• If you sneeze with a mouth full of food you can choke (or make someone else gag).
• If you sneeze while you're driving you could get into an accident.
• If you sneeze in the pool or in the shower, you can inadvertantly get water up your nose or breathed into your mouth and down the wrong passage causing you to choke and gasp for breath when no one is around to save you, so you could die alone and no one would know why. (This almost happened to me five times.)
• If you sneeze while you're looking for something in a tight spot, you could bang your head and go into a coma.
• If you sneeze and you have nothing to cover your face with, your germs might get onto someone 150 feet away causing them to get sick and miss their one and only chance at a promotion. (Or they could sneeze while driving home which makes them run into another vehicle causing a pileup and the death and severe injury of many.
• If you're trying to hide from someone, a sneeze can blow your cover.

While the hazards outnumber the benefits, the benefits still outweigh the hazards. So sneezing is a must. Besides which I for one would not like to end up with any sort of facial emphysema or face and neck issues. I don't know about you, but I have enough issues of my own to add any of those to my list.

So it's settled, sneezing is a must and sneezes should not be held back.

Yet sneezes can cause bad things to happen.

So what do you do?

Know your facial tissues. Know which to use for what purpose. Keep tissues handy.

Don't have a tissue? Sneeze into your elbow or shoulder, if you're not going to be able to wash your hands immediately after, or if you don't have any hand sanitizer available.

In closing, I would like to say,

• PROTECT YOURSELF. NEVER TRY TO STOP YOUR SNEEZE, ESPECIALLY ON ITS WAY OUT!
• PROTECT YOUR ENVIRONMENT. SNEEZE INTO OR BLOW YOUR NOSE WITH ANTIBACTERIAL TISSUES IF YOU'VE GOT A SPREADABLE COLD, ESPECIALLY ONE WITH A FEVER. YES THEY REALLY TRULY WORK!
• USE TISSUES WITH ALOE OR LOTION IF YOU'VE BEEN BLOWING YOUR NOSE LIKE CRAZY AND IT'S GETTING RED AND RAW AND CHAPPED.
• DO NOT USE TISSUES WITH ALOE OR LOTION IF THEY MAKE YOU BREAK OUT BECAUSE THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN A RAW CHAPPED NOSE.
• TOILET PAPER WORKS JUST AS WELL AS TISSUE PAPER.
• THERE'S NO POINT IN USING A ONE PLY, SCRATCHY, STUPID TISSUE JUST BECAUSE IT'S CHEAP; YOU MAY AS WELL HAVE SAVED THE 79 CENTS AND BOUGHT YOURSELF A FOUNTAIN BEVERAGE FROM THE QUICK MART OR 7-ELEVEN.