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Turn Your Pet Peeves Into Humor

Updated on July 3, 2014

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Chihuahua dog in a purse.
Chihuahua dog in a purse. | Source

What Irritates You?

People are different and unique. Because of that, there are many things which can cause discomfort and annoyance. Fortunately there are things which many people do that irritate a great mass of people. These behaviors make top-twenty lists and are mentioned in conversations on a daily basis. By happy chance, there are ways to turn your irritations into laughter.

The next thing you know, people will be bringing their ball pythons with them in specially designed Gucci bags because they simply can't go places alone.

Traffic Lights can dictate your day.
Traffic Lights can dictate your day. | Source

Red Light Green Light

It's frustrating when you're flying down the street, late for work, and you just happen to time it so that each of the twelve stoplights on the avenue is red. Have you ever recognized how stoplights can dictate the course of your day? On the days when you can stroll through every light and waltz into work on time,things are a little brighter. On the other hand, red lights are just a bummer.

The next time you're stuck at every single red light, turn to the person next to you and mouth the words, "do you want to race" and then slightly move up two or three times. See if they take you up on the challenge. If you have nitrous boost in your Ford escort, use it. See what it's like to be Batman.

What Gets Your Goat?

What really irritates you?

See results

Tailgaters and Bumper Riders

When you're on the road and suddenly you peer through your rear view mirror to see that a vehicle has just about climbed onto the back end of your car, it's unnerving. Many people have been involved in rear-end collisions simply because the person behind them was hiked up on their bumper. It's even more aggravating at night when you're in a small vehicle and a truck starts riding your tail with their lights blaring in your eyes.

I propose that automobile companies install a foam-function on the rear of every vehicle. When a car or truck is too close to your bumper a shot of foam will eject from your tailgate and immediately slow the vehicle down. The only problem with this would be that if the notorious tailgater is being infringed upon as well, they could become a victim of collision themselves. I call this a natural consequence.

Ballyhoo at the Customer Service Desk

When standing in line at the checkout lane it would be ideal that the person running the register is working efficiently and in an organized manner. It's bothersome when you are made to wait because the employees are chatting to each other, talking on their cell phone, texting or having a conversation with a friend who stopped by. I have great difficulty handling this situation with humor because great customer service is of utmost importance to providing good business. The one time I did say something, It was because I had been waiting for a girl who was having a chat with her mom, I was third in line and there were four or five customers behind me. She was the only cashier and she is a habitual offender of bad customer service. I leaned in and very quietly asked her, "How can you possibly stay employed here?" The funny thing is, she looked at me in a puzzled way and said, "What do you mean?" I took my bag and left.

Another common irritation is being asked the ignoramus questions. Every time I take my car in to have the tires rotated and aligned, the gentleman at the front desk asks me if I drive on streets with potholes. I always answer, "No, I only drive on completely smooth surfaces." Think about the logic there.

Overflowing litter on the shore of Lake Washington.
Overflowing litter on the shore of Lake Washington. | Source

Litter Bugs

Littering is the most annoying habit I can possibly think of. It's pure laziness when you don't take your trash to a receptacle to dispose of it. I've literally watched people toss their rubbage to the ground and continue walking as though they covertly allowed it to fall and no one saw it land. The worst is when people launch their meal bags from their car window onto the side of the road and instead of the Bic Mac and french fries landing in the ditch, they land on your windshield.

The last time I witnessed someone toss their refuse from a car window, I put my car in park, got out and picked up their tossed waste and simply pitched it right back into the window as I reminded them that littering is inappropriate and rude and no one wants to be their personal maid. I'm certain they were not expecting that.

Grievance, Groan, Irk, Complaint

  1. Mustache finger photos - awe.....
  2. People who talk at the movies.
  3. Using the word "ironically" for "coincidentally" - very common mistake. Look it up!
  4. When other people's dogs do their business in my yard and they don't clean it up.
  5. Waiting in line for people who don't know what to order.
  6. Not using turn signals.
  7. People who speak in a vulgar manner in public.
  8. Children who speak in a vulgar manner in public.
  9. When a parked car is taking two spaces on purpose.
  10. People who habitually whistle or hum all the time.

These things don't really keep me up at night but they are on many of the top ten most common irritation lists.

We Are Not Enjoying Your Personal Phone Call

When you're having a telephone conversation, do it in the privacy of your home, car or the back alley of some shady dive bar where no one can listen to your personal life being telecast or hear you shrieking at your children because they are hanging from the ceiling fan. This unbecoming behavior is so unpopular that it typically makes it into the top twenty of any googled pet peeves lists. Next time, make it TEXT time.

If someone is on a loud personal phone call try these ideas:

  1. Start answering them as though they are speaking to you.
  2. Ask if you can borrow the phone to make a quick call.
  3. Have them paged to the front of the store.
  4. Take out your cell phone and start playing laser tag or using it as a light saber.
  5. If they glance at you, cover your ears and make a "too noisy" face.
  6. Lean over to them and quietly whisper that the CIA has the entire place bugged and then stare into their eyes for a moment before walking away.

Cover your buns.
Cover your buns. | Source

The Quarter Slot

Quarter slots and bill changers should be reserved for vending machines and casinos. In this day and age, everyone has access to a mirror or at best, a window that you can see your hind-end. There's not a single reason that anyone should be able to see your fanny. This rule also applies to the ladies who like for their panties to peek out over the edge of their pants. Keep your rear-end G-rated and maintain a sense of class and dignity.

Because I work with kids, I see the quarter slot fairly often. Kiddos can't help it as much as adults can. My response is always, "0ops! Quarter slot is showing!" And of course we laugh, but they become aware and pull up their pants.

Amok Amok Amok

It's nice to be able to enjoy a lovely night out at a restaurant. Perhaps it's date night, you and your significant other or spouse have mortgaged the kiddos to a babysitter for the evening which has afforded you the opportunity to relax, unwind and have a dinner together. Au contraire mon frère, It just so happens that the hostess seated the two of you just across from a peewee soccer team. There are children running up and down the isle, screaming from one end of the table to the other, crying, throwing nachos and mozzarella sticks. This can be a toughie! There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking to be moved to another, quieter table. Families should be able to take kiddos out to enjoy a night out too but for some people, date night doesn't happen as often as we would like. Take the opportunity to ask the host or hostess to move you to a more private table.

If you're in a situation where you have no other choice but to sit with the peewees, you can always ask for your food to go and then drive to your favorite spot and eat in peace. It's a pretty good back-up plan.

Make it a Comedic Moment

Regardless of your pet peeves, don't allow them to spoil your day. It's simply not worth it to be upset by traffic, other people's inappropriate behavior or the way people think. You cannot control anyone but yourself so stay happy and have fun!

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    • krsharp05 profile image
      Author

      krsharp05 4 years ago from 18th and Vine

      teaches, Thank you for reading and laughing along! This was definitely meant in good fun. It can be challenging to find laughter in stressful situations so hopefully this doesn't cause commotion. Thank you for your input.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      I see most of us have the cell phone usage pet peeve. You are right, don't take things to personal, life is too short to be frustrated by such things. Great post and written with such wit and wisdom.

    • krsharp05 profile image
      Author

      krsharp05 4 years ago from 18th and Vine

      I couldn't have said it better my self Chris. I'm glad to have had you on my team these six months. :)

    • cperuzzi profile image

      Christopher Peruzzi 4 years ago from Freehold, NJ

      See, here's the irony... and this is a good indicator as to who's really running things.

      We live in a world where free speech in this country is our greatest treasure. It's also our greatest illusion because we've incorporated our lives with the internet. We a perfectly free to say whatever we want on the internet through hubs, blogs, articles, comments, and web pages. And we also have a great gift to know what people think about those thoughts through comments.

      And that's really slick.

      Unfortunately, we're also slaves to employment and perspective employers who despite the fact that their ethics, morals, and integrity are so deep into the deepest circle of Dante's Inferno that they dare to hold us to a yardstick of what we have posted, said, done, or spent money on. This is why not only our personal privacy is our greatest treasure - rather than our supposed free speech - it is something that should be fought for with ever fiber of our being.

      Anytime we make a comment or a blog that can be misinterpreted by the micro-minded idiots who have to power to completely destroy our livelihoods, we run the risk of wearing a virtual scarlet letter for as long as servers keep archive logs.

    • krsharp05 profile image
      Author

      krsharp05 4 years ago from 18th and Vine

      cperuzzi, yikes! I'm almost ready to take it down and wait for a better time - perhaps after the holidays! People do have a tendency to be touchy about things but it truly is meant all in good fun. I'm hoping not to offend but really just to poke! I guess I'll wait and see! Thanks for the heads-up. I appreciate you reading and commenting too! -K

    • cperuzzi profile image

      Christopher Peruzzi 4 years ago from Freehold, NJ

      While I will be the first person to cheer on a good rant, there are problems with the repercussions of doing it in a forum that is not member protected. So we must learn to be clever and no overly hostile because we live in a society that insists on letting corporate America make the rules of acceptable behavior.

      We must remember that writing humorous yet inflammatory exposition can come back to haunt you.

      I speak from experience.

    • krsharp05 profile image
      Author

      krsharp05 4 years ago from 18th and Vine

      lindacee, It would be great if we could have everyone dealing with irritation in a humorous way! There would be a lot of laughter to pass around! I dearly love to laugh. I appreciate you reading and commenting. Hope things are going well as we head into graduation month! -K

    • krsharp05 profile image
      Author

      krsharp05 4 years ago from 18th and Vine

      Hey brother! Thanks for reading and commenting. I always find your hubs so funny so I've been attempting to write a little more humor into my work. I appreciate your input and it's always great to hear from you. Hope things are going well. -K

    • krsharp05 profile image
      Author

      krsharp05 4 years ago from 18th and Vine

      billybuc, Thanks for your input. I seem to have a hard time picking the worst but I think that litterbugs are the vile offenders . I agree though that inclement weather seems to instantly dumb down every driver within a ten mile radius. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. -K

    • lindacee profile image

      lindacee 4 years ago from Arizona

      I have to say bad drivers and loud cell phone talkers top my list! I love the way you diffuse each irritating situation with humor. Just wish we could get everyone on board with that! :)

    • spartucusjones profile image

      CJ Baker 4 years ago from Parts Unknown

      Hey sister! Very humorous and useful at the same time! I absolutely agree that humor is therapeutic when dealing with pet peeves.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL...I had a hard time picking the worst of my peeves, but in the end it is the horrible driver, and we seem to have quite a few of them here in Olympia. Strangely, everyone forgets how to drive when it rains, as if they have never seen it here. Fun hub my friend!