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Unplanned Pregnancy Advice for Married Couples

Updated on April 27, 2018

Tell Him At The Right Time

Let him know when he is relaxed and happy
Let him know when he is relaxed and happy

Introduction

Many couples have to grapple with the problem of unplanned pregnancies. According to Womenshealth.gov, about 50% of pregnancies in the United States are unplanned. cdc

An unplanned pregnancy can cause great emotional stress to a married couple. It can lead to anger, frustration, bitterness, and a loss of trust between spouses which can all go a long way to weaken the connection between a married couple.

After the initial shock and anger, you need to decide as a couple what you will do next.

This article will give you unplanned pregnancy advice which will help you to deal with such a situation, if you have discovered that the wife is pregnant.

Let us look at some of the things you can do to handle the situation properly.

The Wife Should Choose the Right Time to Tell Her Husband

Some husbands feel apprehensive when they are told by their wives that they are pregnant. When they consider the fact that they will have a greater financial burden to shoulder, it agitates them. As a result, some may, in their confusion, react with anger when they are told this good news at the wrong time.

Therefore, you have to make sure that you break the news to your husband at a time when it will not affect him adversely. For example, if he is just about to go for a promotion interview or for an examination which can help him to advance his career, keep the information to yourself and tell him only after he has finished with the interview. This can increase the chances that you can have a civil, peaceful discussion in which both of you can, with clear minds, generate constructive ideas that can help to solve the problem.

Come to Terms with Your Feelings

After the wife confirms that she is pregnant, both of you should sit down together on one Saturday morning or Sunday evening when the house is quiet and serene. Each of you should write down how he or she feels. This exercise will help both of you to face the reality of the situation, which will increase the chances that you will tackle it head-on in a mature manner.

Furthermore, be honest about how you feel about the unplanned pregnancy. Do not try to hide your feelings or to put up a brave face because you want to spare the feelings of your spouse.

  • If you are disappointed your wife got pregnant, write, “I am very disappointed Yaa was not able to gauge her fertile period well.
  • If you feel guilty that you are the cause of this unfortunate situation, write, “I feel I am responsible for this situation. I should have warned Isaac that there was a chance I could get pregnant if we made love.”

Have A Discussion

Talk about your feelings so that you can both come to terms with the situation
Talk about your feelings so that you can both come to terms with the situation

Discuss How You Both Feel

Exchange your sheets and read how your spouse feels about the pregnancy. Then, calmly discuss ways you can deal with your emotions so that it does not lead to bitterness, which can create a wedge that will drive you apart.

Additionally, take turns to express all your frustration, anger, worries, fears, confusion, or uncertainties about the unplanned pregnancy. Voice it out confidently. It will help you to get some amount of emotional relief.

Then, listen to your spouse pour out his or her heart. Express your sympathy for how he or she feels and assure him or her of your unflinching support and cooperation so that, together, you can face the challenge.

Be Patient

Do not rush to make any hasty decisions. Rather, after discussing how you both feel, sleep over the matter for one or two days so that you can think through the situation. Furthermore, this strategy will afford both of you an opportunity to process the emotions you are going through and, in addition, give you an opportunity to ask yourselves critical questions about what your next steps will be.

Refrain From Blaming Each Other

Do not put the blame for the situation at the doorstep of your spouse. For example, do not accuse your spouse by saying, “If you had only taken better precautions, you would not have gotten pregnant!” or “It is all your fault! I told you I was in the “danger period” and yet you would not listen to me!”

This kind of attitude will only create confusion, make you fight, and disturb the wife, who needs peace of mind at this time, unnecessarily. And at the end of the day, it will not solve the problem at hand. Rather, choose to remain calm and collected. Your focus must be on solving the issue at hand, and not on tearing each other apart.

Accept the Situation

Accept that what has happened has happened. Forget about the circumstances that led to the present situation and, together, choose to look forward to the future. When you sit down to talk about the issue, talk about what you will do now to solve the problem, and not who did what or what caused what. Then, resolve to move on instead of wasting time bickering.

Pray

God says in James 1 : 5 that, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given him.” Ask for God’s guidance and direction so that you can make the best possible choices which will help the unborn baby and your marriage.

God will comfort you and give you ideas about how you should respond to the situation and the wisest choices you can make so that you can maintain the peace in your marriage.

You may choose to pray a prayer together such as, “Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You that you have blessed us with this wonderful marriage. Glory be to your Name for helping us to meet, and for blessing our marriage with Yaa and Kwaku. Father, we find ourselves in this tricky situation. This could not be a worse time for us because Adwoa was planning on doing her masters, and then on making a big career move. I have been having challenges making payments for the mortgage and this baby will burden me even more financially. We are devastated. We are confused. We are scared. We…We…please give us peace of mind. Give us unwanted pregnancy advice. Tell us what to do. And please give us the strength we need to sail through this storm. Amen.”

Look at the Options

After ruminating on the unplanned pregnancy for about two days, sit down together again and consider the alternatives before you. Additionally, look at the advantages and disadvantages of each alternative before you settle on a definite choice.

Consider your finances as a couple and whether you can support the baby at this time.

If you both decide that you cannot provide financially for the baby, discuss whether you will give it up for adoption, and who you will prefer to adopt the baby. Will you give it to the Social Welfare Department of the government? Will you prefer that a wealthy relative or friend adopt the baby? Discuss this thoroughly with your spouse so that both of you can come to an agreement as to who you think will give the baby the best upbringing.

Consider Sacrifices You Have to Make

If you can provide financially for the baby but the wife is just about starting her career, or the husband lives and works in another town and so cannot be there for his wife, consider whether the wife can have the baby and then take advantage of those career opportunities at work later, or if the husband can get a transfer so that he can be close to his wife when her time to deliver draws near.

Discuss whether you are prepared to make these sacrifices or whether you will adjust your schedules so that the pregnancy will fit into it. At the end of the day, you must settle on what will give you the space and time to take good care of the baby.

Talk to Couples Who Have Experienced Such a Situation Before

Seek unplanned pregnancy advice from people who have braced that storm before. Talk to more experienced couples, couples whose advice can be trusted, at your workplace, church, or in your family who have faced this situation before.

Let them inform you about how they handled the situation and ways in which they navigated the hurdles and outmaneuvered the obstacles in the way. Let them tell you the practical things they did to solve the problem.

You may glean some wonderful suggestions which will help both of you to cope and which will enlighten you as to what to do about the unplanned pregnancy.

Try to Manage Unexpected Behavior by Your Spouse

Your spouse may feel very nervous about the situation. That may cause him or her to act irrationally as they try to come to terms with the probable change the pregnancy will bring into their lives.

So, do not get annoyed if your spouse does not feel happy about the baby or does not support your point of view as to what to do with the pregnancy. Try to understand and learn to become more patient with your spouse.

Always remember that the reaction of your spouse may not mean that your spouse does not want to have another baby with you. It only means that your spouse is trying to make sense of the whole situation. Just give him or her some time to adjust.

Show Empathy

Let your spouse understand that you appreciate what he or she is going through
Let your spouse understand that you appreciate what he or she is going through

Empathize With Your Spouse

Listen to whatever your spouse has to say to you with respect. Do not treat whatever he has to say with contempt, but rather try to reason with him or her. For example, if your spouse suggests an abortion, do not say, “Are you out of your mind! I am not having an abortion! Period!” Rather, say something such as, “I think we must discuss this further, Isaac. I understand that this baby will stretch us financially if we have it now. I appreciate all the efforts you have made to take care of our other two children. I wish things had not happened this way. But, I do not think an abortion is the best option. I believe the God who takes care of over 7 billion human beings can make ways for us to take care of this one human being. Please reconsider your position because, honestly, an abortion is out of the equation.” State your case in a manner that will make your spouse see that there may be better ways he or she has not considered.

Count the Cost of Taking Care of a Baby

It will cost you more than $12,000 to take care of your baby for every year. Then, decide as a couple how you can cut back on some of your expenses so that you can save money to take care of the baby. Moreover, educate yourself about ways you can save money.

Furthermore, apprise yourselves of investment opportunities which will yield returns that can help you to take care of the baby. Additionally, consider if it is possible to do more jobs, such as work from home jobs or online jobs, so that you can make more money to enable you care for the baby. There are many jobs that you can start with very little money and which will help you to take care of the baby.

Alternatively, talk to your financial advisor and find out strategies you can use to reduce your expenditure and raise your incomes.

Plan for How the New Baby Will Affect Your Marriage

If you have other children, you know how the birth of those babies changed the way you related to each other. You remember the fact that your life as a couple suddenly revolved around the baby, you could not get enough sleep, you could not find time to be intimate with your husband or wife, and consequently, your relationship as a couple weakened.

Therefore, talk in advance about how you will adjust this time so that you can keep your marriage strong. Additionally, write down how you will share the responsibilities of taking care of the baby. Decide who will feed the baby, who will bath the baby before you go off to work, whether it is possible for both of you to ask for your annual leave around the time when the baby will be born and so on. Write down the decisions you arrive at.

Each of you should keep a copy of this record so that there will be no arguments about roles and responsibilities when your baby is born. Each spouse will know exactly what to do, which will prevent friction and help to maintain peace in the house so that the baby can have a peaceful atmosphere in which to grow.

Do Not Consider Abortion

One of the options some couples consider is abortion. However, this route has got its disadvantages which can put the life of the mother at risk. Furthermore, God disapproves of it.

Therefore, choose to have the baby. Believe that God will provide the finances you need to take care of the baby, if you are concerned about the financial strain the baby will put on your family.

If you do not want to have the baby because you will lose a big career opportunity, trust God. He is the God who is able to make 7,000 ways where there seems to be only one way. Read 1 Kings 19 of the Bible and you will be encouraged to believe that God will do miracles and make even better opportunities available to you if you choose to have the baby. That baby can be a blessing to you one day just as others have experienced.

See a Professional

If you find it difficult to reconcile your differences, talk to a therapist who can give you advice about unplanned pregnancy. A therapist who specializes in pregnancy counseling can offer you valuable advice.

Alternatively, talk to your pastor. He will give you Christian advice about unplanned pregnancy which will help you to guard the sanctity of your soul.

Seeking professional help will help you to find common ground on which you can make concessions and compromises so that you can arrive at a decision which bot of you will feel comfortable with.

Conclusion

An unplanned pregnancy can draw you closer as a couple or make you grow apart. It all depends on how you react to the situation and who you look to for unplanned pregnancy advice. If you discuss your feelings, exercise patience, avoid blaming each other, and look to God for wisdom and help, you will be able to handle the situation in such a way that it will not adversely affect your marriage.

Unplanned Pregnancy Advice

Will you refrain from aborting your baby if you find yourself in this situation?

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© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio

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