ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Using Music To Bear My Soul

Updated on May 9, 2015
Source

A Widow's Story

Just over three years ago, I was living a dream life. A happy marriage, 5 children all healthy and enjoying their separate stages of life, my husband retired, allowing us to spend more time together while still raising our two remaining children at home. We loved to garden, travel and be with our extended family. We had just celebrated our oldest daughters wedding and were dreaming of grandchildren in our future when our family lost one of it's anchors; our father, daddy, husband, lover, teacher, mentor, and friend. All of us were blindsided by this and I found immense solace to write about our loss. In the first weeks following my husband's death, I decided to continue with a trip to the beach that we had planned. The beach always gives me such introspection, peace and love for our created world. It was there that I had a divine inspiration to write a song about my experience.

This hub's song is the second one I wrote; it is a ballad of our last day together. The words and music came to me in my home one day; just literally out of the sky into my head and hands and I started writing the words down, then the music. In my 48 years of playing the piano, I had never once written any music. Suddenly with the loss of my husband, I found myself being inspired by my faith, to write and compose songs!

Here is the story of losing my husband.


Ordinary Day

© Joanie Ruppel 3/29/2010

It was an ordinary day, we went about our chores

Passed by in the hallways and through the kitchen door.

The smiles were like always, the love we knew was there

Difference t’was the last day, yet we were unaware.


I made the call at 3 o’clock, the EMTs came fast

“we’re flying him to Dallas, the doctors there are best.”


Just when you think your life is perfect, feeling smug and all at ease.

Then God’s plan brings you to your knees.


I put to work the things I knew; stay calm, take action, pray.

Surrounded by friends and family, the priest and strangers there.

Night one was long and restless but we made it through OK,

Hoped all would turn out just fine, back to ordinary days.


Days turned into three, procedures numbered two,

Alarm began when they told us, “we’re moving to another room”


Just when you think your life is perfect, feeling smug and all at ease.

Then God’s plan brings you to your knees.


My legs got weak, my breath got short, my mind and soul went numb

They told me what I didn’t want to hear, “it would be a pour outcome.”

With hundreds we mourned, with hundreds more we prayed,

Hundreds more sent thoughts and wishes every single day.


Six weeks have passed and here I am crying through these songs

The way God works to heal us, simply cannot be wrong.


Just when you think your life is perfect, feeling smug and all at ease.

Then God’s plan brings you to your knees.


It was an ordinary day, the last one with my love,

An ordinary day, now he’s watching from above.


Where Are We Now?

Life is a gift and we are trying to live for the moment since we have experienced first-hand how it can be stolen from us in that same moment. The best way I can describe how I personally feel is that sometimes my insides don't match my outsides but as time goes on, you have less and less people to confide in who are able to understand that grief does not really go away, it just changes as time goes on.

For those who can relate, I pray your life is also filled with good times and that you are creating new memories for those around you.

My family!
My family! | Source

The Magic Continues

Most of my song writing came within the first year of losing my husband. It's been over 5 years now and I am stretching out and hoping to fine a new partner. In a friendship I have formed in the last year, I wrote another song and I realized it was meant for this fellow but could be for anyone I was "looking" for. It was magical how the words just flowed and then the melody came right afterwards. I believe it is the best combination yet and hope one day to hear it on the radio!

How Can You Help?

Pick up the phone right now and call someone you know who has suffered a loss. It doesn't matter if it was last week or 5 years ago, they will appreciate your gesture.

I Would Be Interested In Hearing Your Similar Experience

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • johnr54 profile imageAUTHOR

      Joanie Ruppel 

      5 years ago from Texas

      Thank you Rebecca, your comment touched my heart. Blessings back to you and yours!

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 

      5 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      You have a lovely family and great memories. I have been divorced more than married, but my Mom lost her husband, (my Dad too soon, so I can relate.) I send blessings your way. This is a beautifully written Hub. He would be real proud of you.

    • johnr54 profile imageAUTHOR

      Joanie Ruppel 

      5 years ago from Texas

      Thank you Marisa. Somehow sharing my feelings through prose and music seems to share the burden. I do have 5 wonderful children and will be a grandmother this fall so I am trying to live each day to the fullest. My best to you.

    • Marisa Wright profile image

      Kate Swanson 

      5 years ago from Sydney

      How sad, and how wonderful that you've been able to continue his online endeavours.

    • tebo profile image

      tebo 

      5 years ago from New Zealand

      Lovely song. Obviously your husbands death was very sudden, and that must have been very difficult. I too lost my husband seven years ago now. It does get easier especially if you believe they still watch you and they are happy. My husband had two months from diagnosis to passing. Not long, but a little longer than you. My thoughts are with you.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)