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Using Music To Bear My Soul

Updated on May 9, 2015

A Widow's Story

Just over three years ago, I was living a dream life. A happy marriage, 5 children all healthy and enjoying their separate stages of life, my husband retired, allowing us to spend more time together while still raising our two remaining children at home. We loved to garden, travel and be with our extended family. We had just celebrated our oldest daughters wedding and were dreaming of grandchildren in our future when our family lost one of it's anchors; our father, daddy, husband, lover, teacher, mentor, and friend. All of us were blindsided by this and I found immense solace to write about our loss. In the first weeks following my husband's death, I decided to continue with a trip to the beach that we had planned. The beach always gives me such introspection, peace and love for our created world. It was there that I had a divine inspiration to write a song about my experience.

This hub's song is the second one I wrote; it is a ballad of our last day together. The words and music came to me in my home one day; just literally out of the sky into my head and hands and I started writing the words down, then the music. In my 48 years of playing the piano, I had never once written any music. Suddenly with the loss of my husband, I found myself being inspired by my faith, to write and compose songs!

Here is the story of losing my husband.

Ordinary Day

© Joanie Ruppel 3/29/2010

It was an ordinary day, we went about our chores

Passed by in the hallways and through the kitchen door.

The smiles were like always, the love we knew was there

Difference t’was the last day, yet we were unaware.

I made the call at 3 o’clock, the EMTs came fast

“we’re flying him to Dallas, the doctors there are best.”

Just when you think your life is perfect, feeling smug and all at ease.

Then God’s plan brings you to your knees.

I put to work the things I knew; stay calm, take action, pray.

Surrounded by friends and family, the priest and strangers there.

Night one was long and restless but we made it through OK,

Hoped all would turn out just fine, back to ordinary days.

Days turned into three, procedures numbered two,

Alarm began when they told us, “we’re moving to another room”

Just when you think your life is perfect, feeling smug and all at ease.

Then God’s plan brings you to your knees.

My legs got weak, my breath got short, my mind and soul went numb

They told me what I didn’t want to hear, “it would be a pour outcome.”

With hundreds we mourned, with hundreds more we prayed,

Hundreds more sent thoughts and wishes every single day.

Six weeks have passed and here I am crying through these songs

The way God works to heal us, simply cannot be wrong.

Just when you think your life is perfect, feeling smug and all at ease.

Then God’s plan brings you to your knees.

It was an ordinary day, the last one with my love,

An ordinary day, now he’s watching from above.

Where Are We Now?

Life is a gift and we are trying to live for the moment since we have experienced first-hand how it can be stolen from us in that same moment. The best way I can describe how I personally feel is that sometimes my insides don't match my outsides but as time goes on, you have less and less people to confide in who are able to understand that grief does not really go away, it just changes as time goes on.

For those who can relate, I pray your life is also filled with good times and that you are creating new memories for those around you.

My family!
My family! | Source

The Magic Continues

Most of my song writing came within the first year of losing my husband. It's been over 5 years now and I am stretching out and hoping to fine a new partner. In a friendship I have formed in the last year, I wrote another song and I realized it was meant for this fellow but could be for anyone I was "looking" for. It was magical how the words just flowed and then the melody came right afterwards. I believe it is the best combination yet and hope one day to hear it on the radio!

How Can You Help?

Pick up the phone right now and call someone you know who has suffered a loss. It doesn't matter if it was last week or 5 years ago, they will appreciate your gesture.

I Would Be Interested In Hearing Your Similar Experience

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    • johnr54 profile image

      Joanie Ruppel 4 years ago from Texas

      Thank you Rebecca, your comment touched my heart. Blessings back to you and yours!

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 4 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      You have a lovely family and great memories. I have been divorced more than married, but my Mom lost her husband, (my Dad too soon, so I can relate.) I send blessings your way. This is a beautifully written Hub. He would be real proud of you.

    • johnr54 profile image

      Joanie Ruppel 4 years ago from Texas

      Thank you Marisa. Somehow sharing my feelings through prose and music seems to share the burden. I do have 5 wonderful children and will be a grandmother this fall so I am trying to live each day to the fullest. My best to you.

    • Marisa Wright profile image

      Marisa Wright 4 years ago from Sydney

      How sad, and how wonderful that you've been able to continue his online endeavours.

    • tebo profile image

      tebo 4 years ago from New Zealand

      Lovely song. Obviously your husbands death was very sudden, and that must have been very difficult. I too lost my husband seven years ago now. It does get easier especially if you believe they still watch you and they are happy. My husband had two months from diagnosis to passing. Not long, but a little longer than you. My thoughts are with you.