Victim or Survivor?

Who is the victim?

Do we live in a society of problem-solvers, or complainers? Are we now a world of victims rather than survivors? When did we forget that there are solutions to every problem, and that we are only victims if we choose to be?

The world is full of victims, it seems. We can all dredge up past events and say that they damaged us ireparably, or we can leave the things we cannot change and have no control over in the past--where they belong.

The travesty is not in that a person was victimized. That is tragic and should be addressed. It is the inability to let go of that victimization and go on with your life. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Right? That is what I feel, anyway.

What about today's addage that you are empowered by being 'heroic' enough to speak out. Well, it is not empowerment to refuse to move on. It is not 'heroic' to speak up about your gender, your sexual preference, the color of your skin. Those things are all well-known by many. Why make a big noise about something that is out of your control?

I remember being a high school student and being called 'Bacos'. I didn't know why they were doing it and my feelings were a bit hurt by it. After all, I was a new student, a Freshman, and was being called this odd name in a teasing manner. I didn't think of it as bullying because in the 1970's, that wasn't as prevalent a word as it is now. Instead, I got up the courage to ask. The girls told me I smelled like smoke. I realized that our wood-burining stove at home was the culprit. I explained this to the girls and they stopped calling me the hurtful name. Would this same result occur today? Doubtful. Nobody cares about the cause, they prefer to create the harm.

I have had my very employment jeopardized by bullies. Do I complain? No, I do not. I will not reduce myself to the mentality of teenage girls who are adults. Why would it matter who I am to anyone but my husband and children? I don't care what they try because I am not a victim. I am a survivor. No matter the attempts, I will land on my feet. You can't hurt me, no matter how much you try.

Look at yourself. Do you complain all the time? Do you feel like nobody treats you right? Why do you suppose that is? Perhaps it is your own behavior that is harming you. Perhaps if you stopped feeling ostracized and demonized people would cease to treat you poorly?

Remember, the only person who can tell you how to think, feel, believe is you. You get to choose to stand up to others, to be happy, to not be offended. Look up and see the sky. It is the same one for everyone. Look down and see the earth beneath your feet. Same as everyone's.

What is not the same is how you relate to others. Be kind and you will get mostly kindness in return. Be a victim and find 'protectors' but are they real friends or just people who seek out someone to protect. Once your story is old news they will leave you behind and find the next victim to speak up for.

Be your own man or woman. Do not rely on others for your own self-esteem. You are important on your own, or you are not, but that is up to you. Having others dote on you becomes madening. You get worn down and find yourself feeling sadder because they are feeding your depression instead of trying to help you get past it.

Step back and look at your own life. It is yours, after all. Don't let others drag you down into their mire and don't let others keep you in that mire that you find yourself in. They are not your friend. Your friends will tell you to stick your chin out and take whatever you're given and do something positive with it.

Remember those lemons? Forget lemonade. Make a lemon pie! Concentrate on how to solve your problems rather than allowing yourself or others to bury you in them.