What Growing Old Really Means

We soared through life on that recklessly pleasurable plane of carelessness and freedom. We may have had the world at our fingertips, but we squandered those opportunities with bootlegged Big Bears and borrowed cigarettes.

We were bad. Well maybe we weren’t all bad—but we were most definitely, for lack of a better word, sinful. We got off on cheap thrills and dumb ideas. There was no such thing as morally clean human beings. And if there was? Well, I sure as heck didn’t hang out with them.

Back in our younger days, we gobbled up defiance like Pop Rocks. We said what we wanted even if it made literally no sense at all. We did what we did because an inkling of an idea crossed our fogged-over brains. We didn’t think twice, we simply lived.

Nowadays however we are older, wiser and undeniably more civilized. We move cautiously through our day to day, and we take pride in that specified vigilance. We must be aware of each and every step we make or else BAM— you’re at the local pub on Date Night dancing the Macarena while Brad Paisley’s, ‘Perfect Storm’ play’s loudly in the background; clearly mocking you in all of your ludicrous glory. It’s not your fault you haven’t had a drink in since becoming pregnant back in 2017, and now this first couple of beers are hitting you like a jackhammer through tissue paper.

Presently if we let that heedful hawkeyed guard down for two seconds, we end up with a strong case of the “oopsie” while spending the rest of eternity saying sorry to pretty much everyone we know.

As we mature and evolve, it seems as though there is some unwritten rule that states we must never screw up. Never again are we to feel the unleashed exhilaration of idiocy because that is not what people of our age do.

I get it, we are adults. We are people in high powered employment positions, we may have a cat that needs tending to. We can’t risk losing it all for one dumb night of fancy-free shenanigans. It just isn’t worth it. It does make me wonder what my former self would have said if she could see me now.

Probably something along the lines of, “Who cares what ‘the man’ thinks! Let’s go grab a beer this is totally trippy that I’m talking to the future me.” Let’s face the facts right now, I had a severe problem with apathy back then.

I relish in my accomplishments, and as a whole, I am comfortable in my life and times. But with that said, I’d like to indulge in one night, every so often, of barefaced monkeyshine tomfooleries.

Just to let loose and act a fool. Pretend to be someone I’m not just to screw with people. To not have to censor every word that comes out of my mouth for even a day would be a glorious thing in my books. I want to go to a party and cry all night long just to get some attention. Then afterward, stridently make my way towards a nearby field and scream up to the heavens while thrusting my hands in the air dramatically. I want to claim my place in this big bad world as the princess that I am… or a melodramatic megalomaniac. Whatever.

Alas, I suppose wanting for such silly and childish things is a fruitless endeavor. We are the elders now only to watch from the sidelines. Besides sometimes feeling we may be missing out on the fun, I think we can all safely say that we are thankful that part of our life is behind us.

After all, when it is said and done, those times of crazy adolescence were fun, but adulthood provides so much more. It is a different kind of fun now. A consume a maximum of 5 drinks and be in bed before midnight kind of fun. Deep conversations about the future type of delight. A pleasure that means slathering on tons of sunscreen while at the beach because now we cannot bear the dose of UV rays that shower down upon us.

Now we get to experience the fun in success, in real-life adventure and in the critical moments of parenthood. Oh and the fact that we are now responsible enough for the cats, don’t ever forget about the cats.