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What Is Inner Child Healing?

Updated on June 19, 2013
SaraGardner profile image

Sara lives in Finland creating a new lifestyle after stage 3 cancer, and is now researching alternative approaches to recovery from trauma

Little Sara
Little Sara | Source

Our Inner Child is an important part of our True Self. The recovery of all aspects of our Inner Child allows us to realise our true Creative Potential.

As children we rely on our parents for love and security, in fact we are completely dependent on them for having our basic needs met. Without being cared for the human child will die very quickly.

This puts us in a vulnerable position subject to the vagaries of the mood swings of our carers. If we perceive that we have displeased our carers in some way we have put ourselves into danger of being uncared for and therefore dying. The fear is actually deeper than a fear of dying because the infant has no concept of birth and death, the fear is an existential one, the fear of ceasing to exist.

It is this fear which causes us to block any parts of our Self which produce perceived disapproval in our carers. As dependent and vulnerable human beings it is essential to our survival strategy that we behave as such.

These changes in behaviour are not always confined to the obvious "don't annoy your Mother" rules of the average household. When our carers are tired they don't always appreciate the bouncing joy of their children as they continually strive to let Mum know how beautiful she is. Our effervescence is just as likely to incur disapproval as are our temper tantrums.

The list of "disapproved" behaviours grows longer and we find ourselves taking on automatic and habitual behaviour patterns in an effort to comply and get a smiley face from our prime carers.

As we grow older our needs and perceptions change but the underlying patterns of behaviour that we have gotten into have become so habitual and programmed into us that we no longer realise we are behaving in structured ways. That is until many decades later we realise that 'something' isn't quite right because we recognise that we 'react' to certain stimuli in a way which is neither logical nor desirable.

Nasturtium (Tropaeolum)
Nasturtium (Tropaeolum) | Source

Inner Child Healing helps to shine a light onto the old forgotten circumstances that led us to the beliefs that structured our lives and from that place of illumination we can begin to re-parent ourselves.

We can allow the child within us to be fully present in all of their beautiful wonderment and glory. It is the child inside of us that shines out our creative light, that looks in wonder at the flowers, that splashes through puddles, that plays with mud pies and writes stories and poems, or paints pictures or sings out loud and dances like no-one is watching.

Notice how deep our restrictions go: how many of us will kick through autumn leaves or sing or dance in the street? Not many, why? Because it's not the done thing.....we are still carrying those disapproving survival rules!

Inner Child singing
Inner Child singing | Source

Once the child is released from the self imposed cage of 'do's and don'ts' we can truly grow towards our limitless potential.

Healing is achieved by going back, with a healing intent, to the times when stressful circumstances led us to block certain emotions, sometimes anger, sometimes joy but always those parts of ourselves that we felt had been disapproved of by our parents or our main carers.

The human child is dependent on its carer for its very survival and therefore the need to please our carer comes from a basic instinct to protect our survival. At the base level we fear that if we displease our carer then we will cease to exist. If for example we are angry as a child and our parents tell us off for that (they disapprove) we quash that emotion in order to gain their approval but the anger that doesn't get expressed stays inside of us.

The more that we repress our anger the bigger the stress factor we are carrying until eventually this stress will manifest as dis-ease.

Until we change the status quo, we will always be deeply invested in keeping a lid on our repressed emotions and thoughts. At some time in life we need to begin to see these repressions for what they really are and then begin the work of changing our minds about who we will allow ourselves to be.

When we go back during a healing session we can see that we no longer need to hold onto these emotions in order to protect our survival, as an adult we are capable of making a different decision. As part of the healing our adult self acts as the parent for the child and gives permission for the child to express the blocked emotions whilst keeping a loving space so that the inner child feels safe enough. The whole process involves a lot of trust, love and compassion which is aided and enhanced by the healer.

Little Sara
Little Sara | Source

This "work" continues on into our everyday lives as little by little we claim back our birthright of free expression. Instead of analysing every thought, word or deed within the parameters of "Will this win me approval?" we can now begin to define our life experiences along the lines of "Does this serve me to fulfil my life purpose?"

Ultimately our Inner Child was looking for unconditional love, someone who would look after them, love them, approve of them, encourage them and protect them.

When we reach the point in our own lives when we are ready to stop silently protesting "when will it be my turn?" and expecting other people to take care of us we are then ready to step into a new way of being.

When we are ready to take care of ourselves, to nurture ourselves, to love ourselves, to protect ourselves, to provide for ourselves, to encourage ourselves and to always allow our thoughts to be free from disapproval or judgement, then we are ready to give our own Inner Child the beautiful Unconditional Love that they always wanted.

The easiest and most thorough way to do this is through Understanding and Compassion.

We are all uniquely placed to have the best insight into why we react the way we do, we are uniquely blessed with knowing exactly why "Grandma" frightened us so much, or why we get so distressed by the thought of public speaking. We all know our own deepest darkest secrets which makes us uniquely placed for allowing them to be seen (by ourselves with healing intent), accepted (by ourselves with healing intent) and thereby let go of to leave more room for letting in creative light and flow.

When I Understand why I behave the way I do it becomes very easy to have Compassion for myself. Then when I have Compassion it becomes very easy to have Unconditional Love.

When I have Unconditional Love for self there is nothing standing in my way, I can be Whoever I Wish To Be.

And if you think that all sounds a little bit selfish, remember that Understanding, Compassion and Unconditional Love don't begin and end with self. When I learn to see with Compassionate, Understanding and Unconditionally Loving eyes then I see all things through those same eyes.

The Greatest Gift you can give the world is to Heal Yourself.


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