What We Really Want is Peace of Mind

It has taken all this time to remember the promise that was not really a promise at all, but which you thought it was that indeed.

I qualified the words. I remember in what sequence they were spoken. I said to you if we got together, as in a couple, it would be extremely hard to do, with much emphasis on the word hard. Hard is an understatement.

Hard is an understatement because check it out; I was standing there in outer space chattering to you that I was there, in your dreams; I was the one you had been looking for all of your life. Now, in looking back, I was immature, a born romantic perhaps, and I could have fabricated the whole thing. I knew, only you could tell me if I were making things up. But you didn't tell me anything at all.

Please do not ask me how I knew. I recall words you had spoke that someone said to you in this regard; you had said to her: "you must know about my debutant." I had replied, "your debutant knows what you need, but I know what you want." What you want is peace of mind. When that is ALL you want, then it will come to you.

The things we think in physical reality get played out in NPR. (nonphysical reality) As I said "I was the one," you took that statement as a fact, but more than that, now you thought I was making a promise to actually "be" the one. To say become the one.

I said it would be hard on both of us if we did do this thing but I'd had no idea of the collision course in store for us.

When I asked you online if "I'd made a promise to you" I was but only vaguely aware of the memory of meeting up with you in outer space and what I'd said, for I made quite a speech, much of which I think you did not grasp. So here we are. My understanding is deepened with the years.

We met online and instead of directly speaking to me, you asked a messenger to deliver a short message to me which he did. The message said only "the promise will be kept."

Coming as it were, not from yourself, but as in so and so asked me to deliver the message that the promise WILL be kept.

This was an unwelcome message and came across as more of a demand for payment rather than answering my question direct from the horse's mouth.

I asked a question "did I make a promise to you?" It was a question, not the statement you turned it into. We cannot keep promises on this side of reality, let alone promises made in outer space. And in lieu of how I had qualified the statement, I'm the one you're looking for, with the words of the extreme difficulty we now faced in actually meeting and getting together, you should never have interpreted that I was promising a successful reunion.

In my mind, we were to meet after this life was over, not in this life. I had suggested we may try to erase our karmic debt to one another in this life thereby speeding up our cycle of reincarnation and human evolution.

That part I was not clear on, for I did not recall any past lives with you at that point. I am in process of recalling now, but it's just a process. I am only given what I'm able to deal with. I could not understand how you could be so certain about me, and yet refuse my thoughts when I attempted to share them.

I can only conclude that this has been happening for eons. We float around here by a process of intuitive perception. Our doubts are never allayed when absolute statements are thrown forth so easily and a space is not made for love to speak, and yes forgiveness.

I came to the conclusion I did not have the key for you after all, even though you insisted I must have it. You even gave me a ring in outer space which I returned to you promptly. You held in your hand 3 rings. I asked for one of the other rings, to try it on or to look at them, you then held the other rings back. You have always had this way of withholding from me what I would desire as well as me withholding from you, what it is you think is most important that I should give. You then inferred I might get one of the other rings if I played my cards right. But I couldn't be manipulated this way as you would find out within time. You were probably intuiting our meetings in outer space without being able to put words to that circumstance. Every one of us must attain the key all by their selves. It is through hard, self introspection the key is gained.

You must know, you cannot ask other people to bring it to you. I was sad I could not bring the key to you; I had to protect my sanity and decide which world to live in and eventually I had to stay in my body or risk insanity by going out.

The truth is I had tried to deliver the key many years after the first outer space encounter. I had been given the key because of my studies, and I had asked to become an initiate and a master had agreed to take me on, finding me a worthy student. When the key was delivered it brought peace of mind.

The key was indeed peace of mind. This key I found I wanted to share but couldn't as I was told that each must find peace of mind in their own way and through their own struggles to understand life.

This is why I say I had nothing to give you, you had to do it on your own, without me. If I had construed to continue to extend the key to you, it would have meant a loss of peace of mind for myself, and this was not my purpose this life time, to bow to your will nor to bow to any's will. I am in the midst of studying a few related lifetimes with you, but admit past lives are not at the top of my study list.

I am of the opinion there was some type of violence that took place. Part of the key's knowledge I learned this life, is that there can be no victims. Learning I cannot be a victim cast me into reflection of past lives where I was indeed a victim to violence, as well a perpetrator a few times. When I tried to share this with you, you blew it off as not true. There then was nothing sacred to share.

But perhaps one day we will meet face to face and smile, and become aware of the senseless drama we enact on this planet and then I shall have what I always wanted, your peace of mind as well as mine intact. All my love, your friend

Afterthought; let me sing to you one last time for fun. "I am an old lady. There's flies in the kitchen, I can hear 'em buzzing and I ain't done nothing since I woke up today, to believe in this living is just a hard way to go."
I always must turn a negative to a positive and so I say today, yes, the flies still buzz and annoy, but I have peace of mind, and this is what all will have one day, I know this is true.