- Death & Loss of Life
What happened, how did it happen, why did it happen
Where to start?
This is not the original article I started to be published on this site. The original was placed aside to be brought back at a later time. Everyone must know our world changed 11/13/2015 as an unprovoked, well executed attacked on France by ISSI. We have known for years that more attacks will occur and they will not be known until it is time for them to play out.
Those who read my articles know I am not a military strategist or a person who can explain warfare or philosophy of governments. What I do is help each of us come to an understanding when trying to know the how and the why of loss of life. Frequently I write of families going through the grieving process. Today we see a whole world reaching for answers in the light of those killed and those still in hospital hoping for their recovery. When there is a loss of life in a brief second of time, getting to the grieving needs an added amount of work to understand the death.
All of us either have had this situation or will have the time when a death is unexpected and quite out of the ordinary. With a sudden death out of the split second of time, many are stunned into a place of nonbelieving or in the ‘what’ scenerio. Yes, there are five stages of grieving and when through illness or injury which progresses over some time; we come to understand the very real possibility is death. We are not blindsided, as in an unexpected event.
Unexpected death adds an extra step of self-knowledge and grieving. We must accept this reality. Perhaps the easiest route to this reality is to stop any first all physical activity, be surrounded by friends and family if at all possible. Allowing your mind to slow down, although not always possible, will give you an opportunity to begin making the way through the relationship to acceptance of the death. Only then can the process of grieving begin. We must begin to walk through the death of our friend, relative, acquaintance, and/or neighbor.
Should you be in a state of nonbelief or in a place where you have no one to talk through this event; you can use clay or pen and paper to allow your mind and heart to realize the new state of your life? Begin with pen and paper by doodling, nothing concrete; it is preferable to use black ink and white paper. Clay should be grey clay and just worked through your hands until warm and pliable, softly work without trying to create a piece of art. This is not an exercise in art; it is an exercise in letting your mind wonder. Or for all of us that are knowledgeable of computers, perhaps a tribute to the departed one, to give others and ourselves a place to remember the good times and honor the departed one
Once completed, your heart, mind and whole being knows this is a horrible place to be; your friend or family member is dead. One of the best exercises for you is to begin planning a service, memorial or gathering to remember this person. It is not imperative that this ritual comes to fruition. The important part is that you began moving forward in a positive trek to accept and honor the person. (It should be said that this is also the beginning for working through a death without a body.) Write a eulogy for this person, you may need to write it more than once, include all your thoughts. This exercise allows us to bring the death to a personal part of our hearts. Due to the physical pain involved it is very easy to hold this death at arms length. Holding it at arms length is a way to lock the pain away, but it will comeback at some point.
When the pain is so great or the unbelievable so deep, it is going to take a long time to work through the grief, giving your heart and brain time to adjust. This is work that must be done. In the case of Paris, we do not want to let the terrorist win. We want to take charge of our life, be aware of those around us; know where the exits are and if there is a gut reaction to where we are or someone around us, listen to the reaction. Many people who have been kidnaped, harmed by someone the didn’t know or finding the almost visceral reaction to getting on a mode of mass transit, “listen”; many people who have had these reactions have saved their own lives.
I am sure the thoughts you are having are far from the ‘OK, I can see the therapeutic value in the exercises. That resolve is because the situation calls for a different path for grieving to begin. Just as was the case on the Russian Airliner, those killer when a Mental Health expert on a U.S. Military Base began shooting everyone in his sites. Yes it is different because the assault is different. Therefore the grieving must begin in a different way, but the outcome will be the same, if the work is completed.