Betrayal and Healing

We know there are times that we have to let go of the life that we had invested in, through our hopes, dreams and wishes. It is a scary time when you come face to face with the crossroads. I know a lot people have had plans, dreams hopes and wishes, and wake up and find they have ended up in OZ. This of course can be unsettling, and might take some time to catch your breath. Letting go is a challenge, and it is very scary, but clinging to what is not can only be detrimental to you.

In recovering after the ending of a relationship, I have broken it down into four steps. This will help you to get through the majority of the recovery process.

I do not know anyone who has not been betrayed in one way or another. The pain and humiliation of it is shattering. There though is life after being betrayed. I know because my life is great.

The four steps to take when your relationship is over
The First Step : Letting go

This step is called letting go. The process of letting go is terrifying, for you find you do not know where you are at. Nothing is the same to you. Your perception of life is now warp. I often call this period living in the fog. Your mind just does not work as keenly as you are use too, and frustration begins to surmount. You feel awkward and life seems intimidating and now, you feel you have lost your purpose. This is the period you let go of the 'what if'.

The Second Step: Discovering our patterns

When you reach step two, you will want to take a good look at your past relationship and compare it to others. Do you recognize any repeat patterns? This is the time that we get a grip on ourselves, and start recognizing and working through repeat patterns. This step is vital, or more often than not we will repeat these patterns. We want to stop this.

The Third Step:Do not enter another relationship immediately.

This is only a temporary destination, and you will not remain there forever. However, if you try to skip it, you will miss the value of it, and enter your new phase of life with the baggage of your past weighing you down. It surely is not a time to jump from one relationship to another, for your wounds are still raw. All you really are looking for is the new person to put a Band-Aid on it. This always spells disaster. If you do hop from one boiling pot to another. This is hard to believe, because we cannot see it at this time. We feel we are stuck in limbo, and perhaps we are, but not as a punishment. Even though this time hurts, and the pain at times does not seem to release, it is best to not run from it. You will have to face this eventually. Do not set yourself up with opportunities to meet new people right away. Your vulnerability is way too strong, and the need to stop hurting can only lead you to another wrong relationship. These will be things though you will be tempted to do; after all we do search for quick fixes to stop the pain. We will get to this new life eventually, but we need to let go of our plans and enter this limbo first.

Step Four: Discovering the new you is the final step.

There is a new life that is waiting for us. This is the time to free ourselves from our own lies. It is a time to build up our self-esteem. It is a time to see our own worth, through our eyes not another’s. There is a strong possibility that you might acquire a new interest or two. Seek them out, and enjoy any activity related to them. During this time of being single, you can use it in doing things you could not while in a relationship. After a while, you will begin to enjoy the single period. When you begin loving your life as it is, a mystery seems to happen; Mr. or Ms. Right appears. At that moment, you will have taken the previous three steps, and have healed completely from your last relationship.

- You are worth it!

- You can heal!

- You are not the only one who has been betrayed.

- There is life after a betrayal.

These steps will help you, if you give them a good try. I had to make promises to myself to keep them. The first promise was to not become romantically involved with anyone for six months. This was hard to do, but I am glad that I kept my promise to me, and achieved the benefits from doing this. Now a year and half from my first date of promise, I have discovered a world beyond my dreams. You can do this too, just make a promise or two with yourself, and do not break it.

I will promise you that these steps are hard. You will have days and nights of agony, but aren’t you experiencing that now? It does help to have a friend or two as a good support team. The couple friends I had were my blessings. I look back at who I was a year and half ago, and I now am sure I will not return to that old self. You might ask why I know this. I have had amble opportunities to repeat my old patterns. Relationships are like a dime a dozen out there, and it would have been too easy to become involved, but I stuck to my promise. I am glad I did, they were replicas of the last guy I was involved with, and I do not deserve that again. Currently, I am not attracting that type of personality. They can’t play me anymore. This for me has been the biggest blessing. It was worth going through all the pain and tears, because I am not attracting to me what has hurt me in the past. You can do this, and you will if you choose to honor your promise.