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When heaven reaches down

Updated on May 13, 2011

Life after the loss of your precious Love. This is a subject I know all too well. Sheila and I spent a lifetime in hopsitals. Stricken with Muscular Dystrophy one year into our marriage, she would be in and out of hospitls and wheelchairs for the duration of our 24 years. She was the strongest woman I have ever known and endured terrible pain through out our lifem together. Fifteen times the doctors told me she would not live through the night. Fifteen times, she proved them wrong.

 Sometimes, I believe that our love grew as strong as it did because her illness kept us so very involved with one another. Compassion and deep love were the constants of our life. Two beautiful daughters and a life that never knew a dull moment, we learned together how NOT to allow an illness to steal from us the love that was so deeply embedded in our hearts. Times when her illness, often for a year or more, did not allow us to be "intimate" we found ways to assure one another that our love was still strong.

 On her last day with me, I again scoffed at the doctors telling me "She might not make it through this surgery." My comment... "You have no idea who you are dealing with. That lady has always "made it."  One would certainly think thast after 24 years of seeing her so near to death, that I would have been prepared for her "Not to make it." How very wrong I was. Twenty-five minutes into her surgery, the doctor came into the waiting room. It was 1 a.m. and I had not slept in almost 30 hours.  When he said those words, "I am afraid I can do nothing for her, Mr. Day," I fell to the floor, unable to process what he was telling me. Sobbing so hard, I could hardly breathe, he knelt beside me and said, "I am so sorry. never have I seen such a display of love."

 I went to the room in CCU, a place she had spent so much time in our life. I had sat at her side while she lay in a coma for 58 days, in that same exact room, just one year before this day. I had held her hand as she lay in a coma for 16 days, only a short 3 months before she went to heaven. Now, I sat beside her, touching her face, holding her hand, afraid to say too much because I did not want her to know she was going to die. Softly, with out pain for possibly the first time in 24 years, my Sheila went to heaven. It was now 4 a.m., and I kiised her lips and stepped away. The pain, greater than any pain I could have ever in my life imagined. Ready for it!?!?!?!?! Not even a little bit.

 I wondered what I would do without my love and my best friend to talk to. There were things she and I shared that I could not ever share with another. Stories and topics and life experiences that only she and I had referance to. Who would I laugh with about the silly things we did? How could I tell others about the time we did this or that, when they had no idea what I was taking about. The grief took me down so many frightening roads. I wanted only to have her back with me. I even thought about joining her so we would not have to be apart.

 As time went by, the "Time will heal" statement became one that I not only hated to hear but did not believe. I still mourned her and wanted to hold her and tell her it would be o.k. I yearned for her touch and to just hear her voice again. She took with her a life time of living that she and I created. I was so afraid the first time I realized I could not remember what her voice sounded like. How does one forget a voice he/she heard whisper "I Love You" more than half of their life? I took forgetting her voice as forgetting her. I could not ever let that happen.

 I don't know if times "heals." I know it softens the pain a little. Sorrow, the deep, unbelievable pain, so constant for so long, does lessen. After 5 years, even as I write this, longing to reach out and touch her cheek still remains in my soul. Does moving on mean you are forgetting? I used to think so. But slowly, with time and love from family and friends, I have come to know that a love so deep and forever, does not get "forgotten." It becomes a place that you visit in your heart and mind privately. You remember the wonderful things you shared, All the mind photos you created and the warm touches you shared. You make that photograph album in your mind and keep it there, to open when you need to smile or laugh. Sometimes, it is there to cry and cleanse your soul.

 Today, 5 years and almost 3 months after my Sheila went to heaven, I am remembering the pain she endured for so very long. I see the wheelchair she hated so much to be in and recall the tears that flowed when I kissed her sweet lips and whispered "I love you" as she slipped off to heaven. I see her now, walking without pain. I see her smiling down on me and sometimes, feel her touch on my cheek.

Yes, heaven reached down to earth and took my Angel to live there. It took so many parts of my heart and soul. The one thing it did not take was my memories. Heaven smiled on me and left me with the most beautiful thoughts. Do I miss her and wish she were here today?  Yes, with all of my heart and soul. Do I want to see her in the pain she lived through? Absolutely Not! Is moving on, forgetting. Today, I say No. Time... it is an amazing thing. It allows us the chance to go on without forgetting. I am eternally grateful for time.  

Life... After Death

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    • Dday50627 profile image

      Darrel Day 5 years ago from Iowa

      franciaonline, Thank you for reading this. interesting that you would say mostly read in the bible. I am certain that Sheila and my love was made in heaven and now she is an angel watching me. My love for her will never diminish and I know I will see her again when I reach heaven. Thank you again for your beautifully kind words.

    • franciaonline profile image

      franciaonline 5 years ago from Philippines

      My eyes are still wet from reading your hub. What a love you and Sheila had! Great love, I must say. It's something I can only wish every couple in our planet had. It's the kind of love I find more often in bible stories than in the real world. I have friends who are so in love too, just like you, but they are not so many.

    • Dday50627 profile image

      Darrel Day 6 years ago from Iowa

      You are kind and I feel your compassion. Thank you for your words and for reading this, Enlydia

    • Enlydia Listener profile image

      Enlydia Listener 6 years ago from trailer in the country

      Loss is so difficult...God Bless and give you both some light...Eve and Darrel...and all who have lost the love of your life.

    • Dday50627 profile image

      Darrel Day 6 years ago from Iowa

      I have an e-mail. Please, feel free to write to me when you are feeling down or when you just want to write words in your heart. I will pray your day finds sunshine. Always, Darrel

    • profile image

      eve 6 years ago

      Thank you so much for the comforting note. It is much appreciated. I hope I will be able to write you one day and tell you that the sun is shining. But today it is very dark.

    • Dday50627 profile image

      Darrel Day 6 years ago from Iowa

      Eve... I read your words and i feel your heart in them. I am terribly sad for your loss and understand the lonliness and sense of unknowing that comes with the loss of a loved one.

      There are no words that will give to you that will take away the feeling of loss you have inside right now. Friends and family will do their best and you will feel some comfort in their words. I would say to you that time will heal and you will hear it over and over but the truth is, your heart will know when you are healing. It is a place that only you can find and it may take a long time. Please find comfort and perhaps a tiny bit of peace in my words here. There is a place that holds that healing for you but You must be the one to find it. It has been a very short time for you and I pray God's comfort and blanket of peace for you.

      I am always near should you ever just need a place to rest or vent or just to write your thoughts and feelings. I will not ever try to convince you or tell you that everything is alright. When you lose someone so precious to your soul, life is NOT alright. I understand and after nearly 6 years, I still have some healing to do.

      Reach down inside and cling tight to the memories of all you two shared and the life you lived as one. In that, you may find some smile or peace and I Believe in You and your ability to Survive.

      Always, Darrel

    • profile image

      eve 6 years ago

      I am so sorry for what you went through. My story is a bit different but in some instances similar. My husband died 3 months ago - aortic anurism. He had health problems for the past 20 years - everytime surviving major surgery. He had his first heart attack at age 39 - bypass surgery done age 40 - apendix burst age 41 - huge hearnea fixed with sinthetic implant age 42. Minor surgeries on ears, foot small hernia operation - stomach ulcer bleeding he had to get blood transfusions (3 units. Then he got a incurable skin problem and sleeping apnee. So when they diagnosed the aortic anurism which was huge 10cm the doctor said his chance of surviving surgery was not so good. But they had to do it as he will not live without the surgery. Well he survived the surgery and I brought him home but he was in a lot of pain and did not recover. So I took him back to the hospital and the doctor said there was nothing they could do for him and he died three days later. I still spoke to him on the phone and when I got to the hospital 15 minutes later he was unconcious and died within a few minutes. I just wish I knew what happened - I could not believe it as he always survived. I am so lost without him - he was my balance in life - I always had the guts to go on even in very difficult circumstances at times. Now I am falling through empty space - no one to hold on to - I can never love anyone else. I know the road is still very steep and long and I hope I can survive as you have.

    • Dday50627 profile image

      Darrel Day 6 years ago from Iowa

      Thank you Becky, she never leaves my heart nor my thoughts. A love sealed forever and cherished until times end.

    • profile image

      Becky 6 years ago

      Grief is an extremely difficult thing to go through. I am totally amazed with the beauty of your love throughout. So many men would have left because they are not strong. That strength is what will get you through this. Life will never be the same but who wants life to stay the same. Life is not meant to be stagnant. I do wish you could have your Sheila back but she is with God and you will meet again.

    • Dday50627 profile image

      Darrel Day 7 years ago from Iowa

      Thank you for this. Your words are heart felt and I know I can not lose that which is so precious to me. I am sorry that you had a hard time with this. Not sure why but thank you for the kind words here. Always, D

    • fatgrammy profile image

      fatgrammy 7 years ago from North Carolina

      I am having a hard time leaving this comment. That is one thing you will always have, your memories and your daughters to relive them with, things you all did as a family, the laughter and the tears. People told you it would get easier because they went through the same thing, losing someone they thought they could never live without; but they did and so have you, never forgetting what you hold in your heart. Sheila lives on in your heart and always will.


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