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The Loss Of A Child - The Wound That Never Heals
Cancer Stole My Son In The Deep Of The Night
The loss of a child, regardless of the age, is a wound that never heals. Filled with shock, denial, anger,and total emptiness, the wound that penetrates deep into the heart continues to fester week after week, month after month and year after year.
There is no resolution, only the feeling of finality. Only one question permeates the entire being. Why, why, why? There is no reason - no answers to comfort the bleeding heart. No words to comfort the sting of flowing tears.
My oldest son lost his battle with cancer a few years ago leaving 4 small children alone and broken and me, his mother, with the worst pain of all. What you are about to read is a poem...a humble attempt to describe my feelings about my own loss and the pain of coping at the worst time of my life. I now understand the full meaning of the phrase "no parent should out-live their children."
It's been 6 years now since Todd took his last breath. I still can't bear to look at his photos. Even after all this time it just hurts too much. Does "time heal all wounds" apply to everyone? I have to say NO. Perhaps for some this is true. For me, my wounds are as deep now as that night I gazed at my son's lifeless body, for the final time still wearing his "Laker's" shirt.
Alone and Naked
One Lone Tree On The Edge Of A Cliff
The empty tree stands bare, stripped of all its leaves
Alone and naked
Just one lone tree on the edge of a cliff
Its roots deeply implanted within mother earth,
Tangled and exposed to the elements …hanging on
The Sun is Gone, Never to Return
Cold and empty
Where is the sun? It is gone never to return
The warmth and glow of another time
Gone forever
The Ocean Houses His Ashes
The ocean stretches its arms out wide
It houses the ashes of another time,
The heart cries out…the tree trembles its tears
Every branch , filled with pain ripping like splinters
A Massive Hole Filled With Sorrow
Without its leaves how will it breathe
The night brings sleep and a way to escape
Black and deep…a massive hole filled with sorrow
The wind declares its power, the tree breaks its limb
It can never be replaced.
Todd, Surfer and Guardian of The Ocean
Broken and battered the bark of the tree deceives itself
Imaginary leaves replace what was lost
What will become of the innocent statue that once would sing
Each note drifted away with what was once a beautiful melody.
A Beautiful Message to a Lost Love One
The Hole In The Heart
It is my hope that by sharing my own private feelings that somehow, someway, someone may find support during their grief and pain. Losing a child is beyond understanding, beyond all comprehension. How does one fill the hole that is left in the heart?
The pain that flows through life's blood is buried deep inside the empty, lonely cavern. When it finally surfaces, and it does from time to time, emotions range in a kaleidoscope of shapes and colors. Tears take on a life-of-its-own until finally the mind and body give in to exhaustion. Then, finally, sleep will come at long last.
Oh, to be able to reach out and touch the child just one more time. Just once more please.
© 2010 Audrey Hunt
Comments
Poignant, tender, sensitive, and the Phoenix rises from the ashes to sing again! We learn from our experiences. Great imagery... and word use.! The song is always within. We decide when and what to sing...
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dallas93444 - How do I thank you, my friend, for giving me so much - "...and the Phoenix rises from the ashes to sing again!" "The song is always within". "We decide when and what to sing...
Such magnificent phrases which I shall never forget. Bless you!
What a beautiful hub. Words blend with images.
You are a really talented writer who breathes life into her words.
Thank you so much for sharing this touching poem.
take care and God Bless vocal coach.
Such wonderful thoughts. Thank you for the pleasure to read.
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Hello, hello - It pleases me that you found pleasure in reading this. Thank you, dear one.
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Eiddwen I thank you so much, dear friend for your kind worlds I am honored. Bod be with you Eiddwen.
...a very impressionistic piece of cinematic writing - and I say 'cinematic' because your poetry sounds/reads like an evocative scene from a foreign language film ......very soulful with a lingering shot of melancholy beauty and haunting imagery!!!!
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epigramman - I could barely wait for your comments on my hub. This is the first time I have attempted this style of self expression. You have given me the greatest of gifts as a writer with your discriptive comments. This cam deep within my soul, so deep I could barely get the words out fast enough. I believe someone was dictating to me...but I don't know who or even why. Thank you my angel wings, for your feedback. Thank you from my soul.
..well then - there's only one thing to do - keep writing and keep exploring - and remember one thing - if you write from the heart the mind will folllow ......
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epigramman - Your wisdom is such a gift and I just can't thank you enough for sharing with me. And yes, I will write from my heart...just as you advise me. Thank you, dear Prince.
Beautiful article sad and lonely. Thanks for sharing this interesting poem.
With that voice...that creative flow of great poetry, you my friend should be on stage! Lovely poem, or in my mind lyrics, and so relative to us ALL! Love it! Peace :)
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Katie - Wow! When I receive your "stamp of approval" on my work, I take that very seriously. I'm not being glib, I am sincere. I am thrilled that you liked it and thank you deeply. Blessings to you Katie.
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Coolmon2009 - Yes, you saw right through it - sad and lonely. We all have our moments. Mine happen when I am missing the closeness of my first born. Thank you.
I especially love your visual sensibility and your alliteration here, vocalcoach. It's sensitive and moving. Hard to believe you didn't slave over the choice of words. You are very talented. Thank you.
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embee77 - Writing this was an experience I may never know again. It came from an unrecognizable place - very deep within my soul. Its funny, because I have slaved over many of my hubs...but not this one. With this one, I couldnot hold back the words and even the pictures were there waiting tobe included. Thank you embee77. You comments mean so much to me.
What a special experience this was for you. It's happened to me a couple of times, too. It's as though it's just meant to be and all WE have to do is be present and go with it. And how worthwhile it turns out to be.
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embee77 - Yes, it is indeed a special time and after reading many of your hubs, I suspect you have experienced this several times. I do hope it happens to me again, but if not, I shall never forget this one remarkable moment. Thank you so much.
What a beautiful hub. I like the poem and the photos.
This is a very beautiful touching piece of poetry. :D One that had me dancing all over your tabs up there. The beauty on this piece shows that beauty within you! :D thank you for such a touching piece:D hugs :D
Nice poem! Great Pictures, to go with this writing.
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carrie450 - So nice to see you. I am pleased that you like the poem and photos. Thank you.
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Aloha Sa'ge - I lived in Hawaii for 9 years. Kauai was my home for 6 yrs, then I lived in Hawaii Kai for 9 yrs.
I tell you this because it is exciting to find a friend from the Islands. Thank you for the beautiful fan mail as well as the comments you have posted here. I look forward to knowing you better and reading your hubs. Mahalo
Oh.. Beloved vocalcoach...your poem touches the deepest part of me and wishing I could hug you right now. Hugging you from afar.
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Melinda, my angel...I am feeling your love through your words. I know that you completely understand where I am coming from in writing this poem. That feeling blesses me.
Thank you.
Very nice! Great flow! Real life and feelings expressed very well! And- I love the trees without leaves as the one you have hear! Well done! Thank you Dear vocalcoach!
The loss is more present and real by being contained, or restricted in the bleak lines, with the occasional overflow or breakdown like a tear. Really well expressed and written. Thanks.
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alternate poet - Thankful doesn't begin to express my gratitude to you for your helpful and supportive comments. I am most eager to begin spending time reading your works. Enjoy your weekend.
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Micky - I am so touched by your comments on my hub. This was an emotional conquest. I wasn't sure I should be "hubbing" this one. Now, I am sure I did the right thing. Thank you for validating my decision. Goodnight dear Micky.
How do you do that? I wish I had the words like that
Big hugs from Spain
Very beautiful, enjoyed very much.
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always exploring - You are beautiful as well. So pleased that you enjoyed my poem. Thank you
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spdarkstar - You are very kind. Thank you for dropping by. I will be reading your hubs soon.
You asked the question in your poem, "What will become of the innocent statue that once would sing", well I think it shall sing again. You said, "Imaginary leaves replace what was lost." The imagination is a powerful instrument and with it, become realities. Beautifully written. Voted and rated.
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Support Med. - Your reply to my poem supplies me with an inner peace which has been absent for so long. I am most grateful to you. Thank you, hub friend, for giving me this gift.
Very fitting what Support Med. said 3 weeks ago so I'll say again because it will supply you with more inner peace!!
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Fossillady - Yes...the imagination is very powerful. A mental and spiritual gift to take us wherever we choose to be. Thank you, friend, for visiting and I hope to see you again, very soon. Stay Close...
Awesome poem. Thanks.
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Paddyboy - It's so nice to see you here. It's been awhile since I've had a visitor to this hub. Thanks so much!
Audrey, I am so sorry. I still feel the emptiness without my mother, and that was a LONG time ago. You certainly captured this so well.
So sorry for your painful loss, Audrey - we are not supposed to outlive our children. You are so tender and sweet - please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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aviannovice - Thank you. You've given a very good description of what I (and you) feel - emptiness. That word captures all emotions put into one. Emptiness. Thank you and I'm so very sorry about the loss of your dear Mother. Hugs to you!
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Dear Marcy - You are one hubber that for some reason I've always felt a kind of closeness to. So I really love hearing from you and thank you sincerely for your thoughts and prayers. Believe me...they do help.
Tears with your writing and with JG's song....very effective and if I may say, I believed some pain lasts a lifetime and that time may not heal all hurts but acceptance will set us free and peacefully.
Lovely thoughts although it is sad. I'm sorry about your loss Audrey.
Love and light to you. *hugs*
P.S. Up++, pinning and sharing.
Beautiful words. I'm sorry for your loss. It never is easy.
Oh my dearest Audrey,
I was meant to find the beautiful and poignant words you have written about your son, who lives forever in your heart.
I am listening to Josh, crying and thinking of those I have lost...you are more of a support and comfort than you may ever know. " I know they're there" and thank you for reminding me.
I send you a hug and love, Maria
Dear Audrey, Maria drew my attention to this beautiful poem. It really does capture the pain and loneliness of your loss, and I must express my deepest condolences to you. You may know that I lead a bereavement group each week, and am always made aware of the terrible ache that comes with such a loss. The loss of a child is absolutely devastating. But your beautiful poem honours your lovely son in a heartfelt way that will be forever a legacy of love for him and his family.
Hello Audrey . You bare your beautiful soul with this poetry. Your heart sings out filling a space that seems empty. Those four grandchildren are your precious gift from your son. You are a very courageous woman, full of strength.
Dearest Audrey, what a beautiful man he was - your son. You published this hub 2 years ago, but I know your pain is still the same; you have only learned how to live with it.
I can't even imagine losing one of my children.....
You are in my heart. Always.
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CrisSp - Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and comforting words. Writing has become a wonderful way for helping me live with my loss. And yes, the pain never ever goes away. I'm learning to live with that. Your hugs are needed and I appreciate the generous votes and pinning.
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Same DiNamics - Thank you so much. You're right - it never is easy. But we go on and writing helps. Have a wonderful day!
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Dear marcoujor - I never dreamed that something like this would happen to me. After all it only happens to others right? As beautiful as this life is, it has it's cruel moments. You know about this through your own losses.
But then something wonderful happens just when you think you can't possibly go on. You meet people like yourself...so loving, kind and caring. I'm so blessed to have someone like you in my life here on HP.
Each time I read one of your amazing tributes to one of our fantastic hubpage family members, I turn from self-pity to elation because I am part of this family and I know I am loved. Thank you beautiful and dearest Maria for your capacity to love and give of yourself. I wish you peace also. Our loved ones are closer to us than we can imagine - maybe even closer now. We will all be together once again. I also send you a hug with love, Audrey
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Vickiw - Hello. I'm so glad Maria brought you here. Thank you for your comforting words. I didn't know that you lead a bereavement group. I would attend if I were in your area. I've not talked to anyone about the loss of my son. Even after all this time, I just can't bear to "go there." I cannot even look at his picture accept for a quick glance now and then. My eyes fill with tears and my pain floods my entire being. Oh, Vicki, I miss him.
Your support means everything to me and I thank you so much for being here.
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mckcirdbks - Hello Mike. Even after all this time,I am still grieving the loss of Todd. How can he be gone? How did this all happen so quickly? Why does it pain me so to say his name or glance at his photo? I thank God for discovering hubpages and finding friends like you. My writing has saved me from despair and a trip to the "nut house." I miss my grandchildren. As you have said, "they are my precious gift from my son." Thank you for your belief in me Mike. You are truly a jewel!
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Dear Martie - Yes, even after all this time the pain lingers and at times is even more intense. But then, my Martie visits me and my tears dry up and the sun comes out once again. And knowing I have a place in your big heart, I smile and begin writing again. What a precious diamond you are!
This tribute to your son is a testimony of what a wonderful mother you were to him. To have the strength to carry on takes a strong love for your son to endure the pain.
May Angels give you comfort each time you think of him.
Love,
Bobbi Purvis
This was hard to for me to read. I don't really even want to imagine the pain of lossing one of my children. But such beautiful poetry and your ability to share this very close poem with all us has me in awe. I am spreading much empathy your way, you may not feel it but it is there. Jamie
Isn't it strange here I am a writer without words? Your poem reaches in and grabs the soul. Audrey "the night brings sleep and a way to escape" but day follows night. I am sure the pain never goes away, you just learn how to live with it.
Celebrate his life with your grandchildren. God bless you all.
Voted all but funny.
I am sorry for your loss.I understand your pain.I ve been there too recently.My dad passed away ten days ago because of cancer too..It hurts but it s life.Patience,patience,patience.God have mercy on him and bless you all.
Hugs and love,
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Dearest Bobbi - Your empathy and love know no bounds. Your own aching heart reaches out, expelling tenderness and support. You become a direct life-line to my own heart.
I will never forget all the sweet, beautiful words you've continued to send my way during the past several years. You seem to understand that with the passing of a child the heart never fully mends.
Your friendship is truly a gift to me that I will always treasure.
Love,
Audrey
Dear Audrey,
The anguish you feel is expressed beautifully in this meaningful poem. I'm so sorry for your loss. No one can ever feel exactly as you do and experience what you have gone through. Memories are unique and your child was your baby grown into a man. I can only sympathize and send warm thoughts and heartfelt condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss of one so dear and near to your heart.
Many years ago, actually in 1981, I witnessed my parents deal with the loss of their oldest child. My parents were never the same. My family was never the same. There is NO pain as worse as losing a child. I witnessed this. I swear by this. I hope I NEVER have to go through this. Bless your heart! Hugs!!
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tillsontitan - Thank you dear Mary for your lovely, understanding. It helps so much. After all these years, my grandchildren are all moving near me. I am elated! We have so much to share. This will take place Easter Sunday. Love, Audrey.
James-wolve
I'm so sorry about the loss of your father. This is a difficult time for you. I appreciate your kind words James.
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Dear Peg - I can't begin to thank you enough for your kind and compassionate words. I really do find comfort in them. I know I will be with him again one day. And as I enter the final chapter of my life the reunion with Todd is not that far away.
My heart will not be whole until I'm with him again. Thank you Peg. You're just precious!
Audrey
Hello Linda - I'm so very sorry about the loss of your parents oldest child. Heart-breaking! It's absolutely the worst. It's devastating and life-changing. We are never, ever the same. My tears are flowing even now. After all this time I miss my boy so much. I never in a million years ever thought this could happen. A bad dream...that's what it's like. Only we never wake up from it.
Thanks my precious Linda. The hugs are comforting. - Audrey
Audrey, I can't imagine the pain and sadness you must have felt and still feel at losing a son. I don't know how I would cope if I lost one of my children. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem. Take care.
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Jodah
We tend to think something like this only happens to other people...I'm still waiting to wake up and find this experience just a dream. Thank you my friend.
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