ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why Am I So Angry All of the Time?

Updated on September 16, 2014

Anger Management

Do you find yourself losing your temper all of the time?

Are you constantly involved in arguments and fights?

Do you often feel angry and you just don't know the reason why?

Do you often wonder why you feel so angry all the time?

Do you often get into a rage, say things you don't mean, and regret it later?

Well, if you answered "yes" to any or all of these questions, you need to learn to manage your anger. Keep on reading!

Anger can damage your health and relationships
Anger can damage your health and relationships

Is It Wrong to Feel Angry?

The simple answer to this question is no. It is normal to feel angry in situations that threaten your life and well-being. In fact, when used wisely, anger can be the guiding force for bringing about long overdue changes in your life.

Just imagine a woman facing domestic abuse. She may have been suppressing her anger for a long time and accepting what was happening to her as part of her fate. However, when the same man physically abuses her children, her anger may just rise and she may take the bold step of walking out of the relationship.

Simply said, anger can actually force you to stand up against injustice as an individual or maybe even as a community. Keep in mind that you may feel angry when you feel threatened. Threatening situations provoke a "fight or flight" reaction, and you are feeling the "fight," attacking whatever is threatening you.

When Does Anger Become a Problem?

If you have occasional spurts of anger that don't cause much harm to your health, relationships, and life in general, you are probably fine. However, if you are asking yourself why you are angry all the time, then maybe you do have a problem.

Exploding into anger that is out of control—perhaps verging on hysterical—is probably one of the most easy-to-spot signs of an anger problem. But there are more well-hidden anger problems. For example, if you just spend some time right now focusing on how you are feeling, you may realize that there is constantly something just about ready to burst at the first trigger.

You may find yourself saying things such as, "I lost my temper because my friend didn't do things exactly as I asked him to," or, "He was five minutes late in calling me," or, "How dare he overtake me."

Of course, sometimes the situation may be such that losing those five minutes may have led to huge losses. However, if the situation is not that threatening and you still find yourself losing your temper at the slightest mishap, you are quite right in asking "Why am I so angry?" The anger was inside of you all the time. All it needed was just a trigger for you to lose control and fly into a rage. When you calm down, you realize that it wasn't such a big deal.

What Are the Causes of Anger?

Incontrollable and explosive anger can have devastating consequences for your health, relationships, and work life. You may end up hurting yourself or someone else. You may be involved in an accident that you end up regretting for the rest of your life. You may hurt the one person that really cares about you. Of course, losing your temper at work could even lead to eventually losing your job.

The first step in controlling your anger is to find out why are you angry all the time. Keep in mind that your reaction is not the only possible outcome. You may be choosing to get angry at your friend when he is late; another person in the same situation may react instead with concern about the friend's well-being.

Simply said, YOU are choosing anger in the situation. Why? Where is the anger coming from?

There is always something behind your anger. The question is what. Just focus on how you are feeling. Of course you are feeling angry. Is your anger masking another emotion?

Sadness and depression could be the underlying causes of anger
Sadness and depression could be the underlying causes of anger

Are You Scared?

Is it fear? Are you afraid of losing your job or anything that is important to you? Fear can be a reason that you feel angry all the time.

Do You Feel Powerless?

Are you frustrated? Do you feel powerless? Sometimes the feeling that there is something that is right in front of you but you can't do anything about can leave you feeling powerless and frustrated.

Have You Been Hurt?

Is there a traumatic event from the past that is making you feel angry? If you have been hurt, for example, by a previous significant other, you may feel angry about the fact that it happened to you. It is easy to generalize the anger from that pain and take it out on others.

Is Jealousy Killing You?

Are you jealous of someone else? Sometimes when someone else succeeds, it's easy to think, "What does he have that I don't have?" This can lead to feeling cheated and angry. Keep in mind that jealousy can be a good thing if you use it to improve your skills instead of letting anger paralyze you or hinder your judgment.

Are You Desperate?

Do you want someone's approval or love? You can't control someone else's emotions or how that person chooses to express those emotions. If you are doing everything you can to please someone, but that person shows no sign of approval, it can feel like failure. This can be extremely frustrating and induce anger.

Loneliness could be the reason why you are angry all the time
Loneliness could be the reason why you are angry all the time

Are You Dealing With More Than You Can Handle?

Do you have too much hanging over your head? Juggling too many responsibilities can leave you exhausted and stressed out. Being seated with more work than is actually possible can be even worse. Not having enough time to relax can lead to a build up of anger.

Are You Not Sure about What You Should Do?

Are you confused? Are you finding it difficult to make a decision? You may feel you lack of direction keenly, and not being sure about what you want to do and what you don't want to do can be the reason why you are angry all the time.

Are You Suffering from Depression?

Are you sad and depressed? Sometimes, the emotion of anger can mask clinical depression. People with bipolar disorder also often feel uncontrollable anger. If you think that this could be the reason, you may want to get professional help.

Relaxation Techniques

Perhaps it is difficult to still your mind enough to realize what is really causing your anger. Perhaps you have realized that it comes from stress, and you need a find to help you unwind. Either way, these relaxation techniques can help stop that runaway train of emotions:

  1. Try meditation or visualization—really, anything that allows you to just "be" for about 30 minutes without doing anything—on a daily basis. It calms you down, stops that endless mental chatter, and helps you become more focused on the present.
  2. If there is something specific that keeps bothering you, take a good look at it. Do you need to change the situation or the way you are looking at it?
  3. Write down what you feel. Sometimes, that helps in revealing things that you did not know about yourself.

These are just a few tips, and hopefully a lot more ideas about managing your anger and frustration will come into your mind.

When Will You Start Tackling Your Anger?

There can be endless number of reasons for your anger. Loneliness, grief, unfulfilled dreams and desires, illness, and so many other reasons could be why you have so much anger inside of you.

So, how can you deal with feeling angry all of the time? The answer depends on the reason. If you want to manage your anger, you will need to eliminate the cause. However, most people find it difficult to find the cause. The anger is but smoke; it's only when you isolate the cause that you can begin to fight the fire! So identify the cause, work on it, and your anger will be taken care of.

Think deeply about what causes you to feel angry all of the time, and that cause will be your starting point. The point is: when are you going to get started?

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 2 months ago

      Hey Danny,

      The article does give you tips to manage your anger. Try to use some quick tips to calm down. Then do an analysis of why you are so angry all the time. Without this analysis, anger management won't be effective at all. Use the questions and tips in the article to analyze your behavior and anger and then take steps to manage the core issues.

      Hope this helps!

    • profile image

      Danny Christie 2 months ago

      I looked at this article for help but it hasn't helped me one bit doesn't advise you what to do

      Now I'm even more angry

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 3 years ago

      Hi Annie,

      It does seem like you are venting out the frustration and stress that builds up at work onto your loved ones.

      The first thing that you do need to realize is that you are indeed misplacing the anger.

      Secondly, include a stress-busting exercise in your daily routine. I know you probably don't have time for it, but you can introduce a 5-minute exercise every 3-4 hours during your routine. It could be 5 minutes of deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation or meditation or just stretching out.

      Thirdly, if you think you are not expressing yourself at work like you should, you probably need to start doing it. You don't need to argue with people. You just need to be more assertive and be able to say things that you feel, at least to some extent. Start small here and it will help build your confidence.

      All the best!

    • profile image

      annie 3 years ago

      I am a mother of 3 and I work full time. As soon as I get home I become angry. I yell and screem. I don't act this way at work, I am much more in control there. What can I do? I realise that I am harming the ones the closest to me instead of the ones I am really angry at. How can I stop being this angry momster that I have become?

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 3 years ago

      Hi Human of Earth,

      Well, you have already taken the first step towards dealing with your anger and mood swings. That is, you have acknowledged that you have a problem.

      While it is very difficult to give specific help related to your problem since not much is available here, there are definitely certain things that you can try.

      First, try out a relaxation technique. Meditate, visualization or anything that releases the stress that is building up within you on a daily basis.

      Second, if there is something specific that keeps on bothering you, take a good look at it. Do you need to change the situation or maybe you just need to change the way you are looking at it?

      Third, write down about how you feel. Sometimes, that helps in revealing things that you just did not know about yourself.

      Try these three tips and hopefully a lot more ideas about managing your anger and frustration will come into your mind.

      All the best!

    • profile image

      Human Of Earth 3 years ago

      I've been dealing with some anger issues for quite awhile now. You've got most of it right, i get so frustrated with the smallest things and it's causing a lot of hurt and damage in my life. I've been having mood swings, sometimes i'm able to control what i feel and there are days when i feel depressed and so angry at everyone. I don't know what's wrong and im feeling so helpless with my situation. It's strange because i know i am i positive person. I don't know how to get out of this. Can you help me? Im at that point where im starting to feel desperate.

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 3 years ago

      Hi RandomPerson.

      You are quite young and you are beginning a life that may become harder or easier depending on the attitude that you develop now.

      Indeed, people are annoying but everyone has their own point of view and we all need to respect that.

      The sooner we accept the things that cannot be changed and work at changing things that fall under our purview, the sooner will we be able to lead a much more calmer and more positive life.

      The sooner we begin to focus on our goals rather than the obstacles on the way to our goals, the sooner will we actually reach them.

      Thanks for stopping by and All the Best!

    • profile image

      RandomPerson 3 years ago

      Just so many things said here are right for me, I can't control my anger. I just feel like giving up, i'm too lonely.. um I have like too many things to take care of and i'm 12. :c and people are annoying

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 3 years ago

      Hi Nathan Hamm,

      You are absolutely right.

      If you want to manage your anger, you will need to eliminate the cause. However, most people find it difficult to find the cause. It's only when one isolates the cause can he begin to fight the fire! So, identify the cause, work on it, and your anger will be taken care of.

      Thanks for your wonderful contribution and a fantastic analogy!

    • profile image

      Nathan Hamm 3 years ago

      It's not hard to figure out the cause of your anger. The hard part is eliminating the cause. I will use fire as an analogy to anger. Instead of you just putting your hand back in the fire, you need to put the fire out. I guess running away from the fire could be the answer, it just depends what kind of fire it is. With this issue you are the only firefighter. Fighting Fire with Fire hardly solves anything. You need to find something you can use to help calm yourself down. A thought of you being a powerful firefighter might not be enough. You need To dig deep in the Dirt. Dirt being an analogy for your mind. Using the Dirt to put out the fire if you don't have water.

      HAPPY FIRE FIGHTING!

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 3 years ago

      Hi trejon,

      Just the fact that you realize that your outbursts are not justified is a massive step in controlling your anger. The next thing is to ask yourself, what next? While you of course apologize to him, it may be a good idea to actually discuss it with him that you feel left out and not loved. That could be one thing you could do.

      Keep in mind that different people have different ways of expressing love. In fact, some people have a very sweet and subtle way of expressing it. You may just need to see it. That's another thing.

      Another thing that you need to keep a watch on is whether you are trying to change your man into something that he is not. If you fell in love with him just the way he is, then maybe you should accept him the way he is?

      You may also have a habit of having things done your own way. If that's it, you may need to work on that too.

      In short, try to see where this resentment and anger is coming from. Talk to him. Write about what you are going through. Spend a few minutes every day in doing something that makes you calmer and quieter. Do some introspection, that is, try to look into why you do what you do. It could reveal a lot about yourself.

      I hope this helps.

      All the best!

    • profile image

      trejon 3 years ago

      We are happily living together for 4 mos,

      It all started during the Christmas break. I was looking forward to spending Christmas together, (as he had spent Thanksgiving with his family and I alone). Yet he made plans to spend the holidays with his family and I with mine. During this time away from each other, he did not call daily. I tried to understand that we each needed family time, but I still took the time to send a good morning/night text or an I miss/thinking of you text. He would take hours to respond, and that's when the anger started building up. I started feeling left out. We were reunited Jan 1, but I felt so much resentment. I find myself snapping at him for anything or simply shutting down and not answering. I know I hurt him with my outbursts. Last night was what got me thinking that something is wrong. I snapped at him over a light fixture that he bought for the bathroom. He told me that nothing he did was ever good enough for me. Instead of saying anything back I left to the bedroom. After a while I calmed down, and went to check on him. He was sleeping on the couch. That broke my heart, so I woke him up and told him to come to bed. I did apologize to him and asked for forgiveness. He accepted my apologies, but I'm afraid to have another outburst. He does not deserve to be treated mean...I just don't understand myself. I finally found a man that treats me like a queen, spoils me but overall respects me.

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 4 years ago

      tdwilliams322,

      All of us need that one special person in our lives with whom we can talk about everything. Of course, for you it was your Mom. So, no doubt that you miss her.

      It is true that often one bursts out because they are in pain. It could be the same in your case. The best thing to do is to take a look at the reason why you are hurting and do something to manage it in a better way.

      Since you were on drugs, you probably used your drug usage as a means to deal with your hurt and pain. Now, that you don't have your drugs, you are finding it hard to deal with your emotions.

      It is very important that you learn positive ways to confront your emotional pain and deal with it.

      Counseling can be of great help here. If you can't go for it, participate in your local help groups where you can meet and discuss your anger issues with others who have been drug abusers and are now clean. They have gone through and they are going through what you have been through. So, they can be of great help.

      A good support system is important to build your self-confidence.

      While blaming yourself for your anger may be partly correct in the sense that it helps you identify that you have issues and you need to do something about it. However, until and unless you do take some positive steps, it is of no use.

      Get into meditation or relaxation. Exercise. Stay active.

      You have realized that your anger can make the one person you love walk away from you. That's a good start. Now, you need to take steps to manage that anger in a better way. Talk to your partner about it, honestly. Two of you together can work out something to do about your anger and make your relationship strong.

      Remember, you have already begun your work. Now, all you need to do is stick to your path and move forward. Don't stop now.

      All the best!

    • profile image

      tdwilliams322 4 years ago

      I'm a truck driver and only home on the weekends. I lost my mom over a year and a half ago. I would talk to her about everything. Even my drug use witch I have now been clean for over 1 year. I met a wonderful lady and she knows everything I'm saying. I think some of my anger is from the lose of my mom. Sometimes just driving down the road nothing happens I just get angry for no reason. Some days I'll be driving and some cars will make me mad and it will go away. This same day I'll be talking to my girlfriend and she says something or in a tone that I don't like and get mad but I won't say anything till after we hang up. then I start thinking and get angry and start texting and one of us will call and I use to hang up on her and after I promised I wouldn't and then I would just say bye and hang up without her saying bye. When I would get angry I would say things I never meant to say or say them cuz I was hurting. I want this to stop. I almost lost her and I was given a last chance. I made her best friend mad at her cuz she took me back and she still has yet to hear from her and it hurts me. Her son is mad at me as well. Yes I wanted our arguments to stay with just us but she said she needed to talk to someone cuz I hung up on her and she had no one to talk to. Now everyone knows and I want to do what I can to heal the pain for everyone. Please Help

    • profile image

      Christien 4 years ago

      I am soooo angry all the time . I alienate everyone I come in contact with. I feel sad that I cannot do the things that I did before because I am older. I am sad and angry that younger people do not respect that I have loads of experience and knowledge. I HATE that I get treated like a brain-dead imbicile. I HATE that I have money and equity but because I am retired I am not allowed the normal financial transactions that I am used to.

      I get very angry when waiters call me Granny or Aunty .........I am NOT everyone's family member, I'm a customer and should be treated as such!

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 4 years ago

      Hi Enon,

      Thanks for sharing your viewpoint here. It is true that it can get frustrating when your therapist just keeps on asking questions. You are right. It is meant to help you arrive at an answer by yourself.

      Therapy is not supposed to provide the answers to you. Instead, it is meant to help you get your answers.

      It may also seem that the therapist is not providing you any options, but in a subtle way he or she may be constantly providing it you. Just not in a way that you want them to.

      The objective is to teach you skills so that you can come up with your own answers in the future in all aspects of your life. This way you are able to generalize all the skills that you learnt during your therapy sessions to different aspects of your life. If you are constantly being provided the answers, you will get dependent on your therapist for answers, generalization will not happen.

      It may seem frustrating but if you talk to the therapist about how his or her questions are irritating you, it may help open a dialogue between you two. Your therapist may be able to explain to you why it is important. At the same time, it is possible that the therapist may want to change his or her sessions in such a way that they become less frustrating for you.

      Simply said, talk to your therapist about this frustration. Keep in mind he or she is the best person to help with your anger.

    • profile image

      enon 4 years ago

      I understand cognitive behavioral therapy but i can not stand the fact that when im looking for an answer to my question, I just get asked a million other questions that are meant to help me come to a self conclusive answer. If people want an answer give them a million options and explanations. Not just a million other questions. Its frustrating.

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 4 years ago

      In my opinion, the best natural stress reliever is meditation or any form of relaxation exercise, anything that allows you to just be for about 30 minutes and do nothing. It calms you down, stops that endless mental chatter, and helps you become more focused on the present. Definitely one of the best ways to manage stress as well as anger.

    • profile image

      Newestbodybuildingsupplements.com 4 years ago

      What is in your opinion the best natural stress reliever? thx

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 4 years ago

      Hi calmclinic,

      Thank you for stopping by and leaving your comment here.

      Indeed, irrational anger is something that one should always be wary of. Such anger can be devastating to your life and your health as well. As soon as you deal with this anger effectively, your life begins to take an unexpectedly better shape.

    • calmclinic profile image

      calmclinic 4 years ago

      There are irrational anger and this is the one you should be wary of. This is a helpful article in that it gave people an idea of how to look into the problem and try to find a solution.